I miss I miss I miss miss miss

The first thing that came to my mind when my new fringe was unveiled rite before my eyes were. "Not another curtain ........."

This is how deeply u guys affected me over the last year. Rite now, despite hating that description so badly, it is already in my dictionary. So i had to get all of you back with ur special IDs now~ So fair and square!

It is funny how a small thing like a haircut can send memories back to u. I couldn't wait to show Uncle Tan my new curtain despite hating it for looking so funny because I know he'd laugh for sure! And that is really the nicest thing to me rite now :)

I still remember the time I rushed over just to let you see me in short hair for the first time! I actually was kinda scared of what reaction I would get! Especially after the 'like a cute little boy~!' remark! But then again, it turned out to be a sweet memory after all.

I can feel the busy life of uni knocking on my door again. Any time from now, it will show its disgusting face again. But fear not, for I will slap it on its face and ask it to buzz off! Despite all the pressure and workload, surely I'll be able to live through it. I mean, things will only get harder in life. Accepted this fact and decided to make the best out of it. So here I am, feeling great although tired, a bit sleepy and a bit flabby.

Suddenly there was a little frustration in me last nite! Why do my eyecreams never work? Do they just despise me like Tomato does or is it face problem? I dun think it is the latter. I really need some good recommendations for I am evolving into a slightly underweight Panda.

But enough with the FRUS thing as I'll be returning Sandakan in 2 days' time! To see my ohisashiburi brother, tease my kepo mother, prank my whiny and annoying and loud sister, just to be with everyone I have missed so much again. Although knowing that it would probably just be a trip with lazy afternoons, endless yumcha sessions, snacking in front of tv and lazing on the floor, I can't wait.

Other things I can't wait for?

To see Pumpkin, TimTams, Tomato and Sushi again to roam everywhere in search of fun, crap, lameness, shopping sprees, bargains, fake-exercising-sessions, kepo kepo kepo, embarassment and so on...

To go travelling with my buddies here also in search o er......................good food. Ta Wei Wang haha. BBQ in the rain was really top notch!

To just see Lemon ;P

Ok, time to hit Micro without Omar!

I miss I miss I miss miss miss

The first thing that came to my mind when my new fringe was unveiled rite before my eyes were. "Not another curtain ........."

This is how deeply u guys affected me over the last year. Rite now, despite hating that description so badly, it is already in my dictionary. So i had to get all of you back with ur special IDs now~ So fair and square!

It is funny how a small thing like a haircut can send memories back to u. I couldn't wait to show Uncle Tan my new curtain despite hating it for looking so funny because I know he'd laugh for sure! And that is really the nicest thing to me rite now :)

I still remember the time I rushed over just to let you see me in short hair for the first time! I actually was kinda scared of what reaction I would get! Especially after the 'like a cute little boy~!' remark! But then again, it turned out to be a sweet memory after all.

I can feel the busy life of uni knocking on my door again. Any time from now, it will show its disgusting face again. But fear not, for I will slap it on its face and ask it to buzz off! Despite all the pressure and workload, surely I'll be able to live through it. I mean, things will only get harder in life. Accepted this fact and decided to make the best out of it. So here I am, feeling great although tired, a bit sleepy and a bit flabby.

Suddenly there was a little frustration in me last nite! Why do my eyecreams never work? Do they just despise me like Tomato does or is it face problem? I dun think it is the latter. I really need some good recommendations for I am evolving into a slightly underweight Panda.

But enough with the FRUS thing as I'll be returning Sandakan in 2 days' time! To see my ohisashiburi brother, tease my kepo mother, prank my whiny and annoying and loud sister, just to be with everyone I have missed so much again. Although knowing that it would probably just be a trip with lazy afternoons, endless yumcha sessions, snacking in front of tv and lazing on the floor, I can't wait.

Other things I can't wait for?

To see Pumpkin, TimTams, Tomato and Sushi again to roam everywhere in search of fun, crap, lameness, shopping sprees, bargains, fake-exercising-sessions, kepo kepo kepo, embarassment and so on...

To go travelling with my buddies here also in search o er......................good food. Ta Wei Wang haha. BBQ in the rain was really top notch!

To just see Lemon ;P

Ok, time to hit Micro without Omar!

GOOD THINGS!

I had a fun but tiring day today! Or shud it be this way? Fun and tiring day today!

Walking around with friends, looking at all sorts of eye candies, laughing to meaningless jokes and expressing each others' problems.

Simple daily activities. Simple yet satisfying!

The thing about opening your heart in communication with people you can trust is, you'll realize that you are not the only one with problems in your life. Everyone has a knot which they try hard to release in their hearts, or a burden they carry which weighs down their spirit. Some might free themselves from it sooner than others. One thing for sure is, with effort and belief, you will be released and you will love yourself.

Keep trying!

Another thing that made me happy today was knowing that my besties had loadsa fun in the Water Festival! It must have been quite a bash! Knowing this made me happy, but it was kinda funny as I had all these images running through my head as in what they would be doing, what lame jokes they could be cracking, what they would be tempted to eat and how they would fail miserably in the games. It was as if, I was gonna be there with them or I was gonna meet up with them there.............very soon.

I really realize now, I miss my days spent with you all very very much.

And it was nice to have someone calling you all the way just to let you listen to the sounds of fireworks. You thought of me! I knew it! Thanks :)

There are bad things happening around me now, and I complaint about it, quite a lot today. But as the day proceed, I found out that there are more good things happening in my life actually. Now, they kinda blinded me from all the baddies.

Currently I am reading up a new manga~ not really new, but new to me called D.Gray-Man. See! Good things are happening! After being lost with any anime and manga for 2 weeks, now I found something I love~ Should introduce Eric to read this since he's a Full Metal Alchemist fan!

Manga time!

It is never just black or white.

There are always those decisions which you make knowing that it is the best. Sometimes due to necessity, rationale, or just mere responsibility. Saying this, the best decision sometimes are created for a situation. Not necessarily for ourselves.

Sometimes I don't even know what I want. Living in this world of dilemmas, what makes it worse is a doubtful heart, lack of confidence in ownself, cruel reality and the hurt from mistakes which we never intended. Sometimes I don't even know what I want to say.

I somehow think I was trained to become optimistic. There was a period in my life where it seems like every single thing in the world are destined to be against me. No one would understand complex little me. I was the damsel in distress not wanting any help. I would remain a dark loner all my life. To continue to be this unapproachable, dark being with a twisted mindset was what I tot of.

Gradually, light entered. Whatever allowed this small glimmer to ignite, I have to thank you.

Instead of spending every single day, being angry of not being understood, blaming others blindly for what was my own imperfection, locking myself away from the outside world, soaking in my own tears of angst, rebellion and selfishness, isn't it much more easier to face the day and ind out what it has in store for u?

I was not as bad as I tot I was. I didn't have to replace my lack of confidence with jealousy and isolation. Now, I learnt to gradually love myself more day by day.

I was not un-understandable. I just didn't allow others to approach or unmask my feelings. I am glad to announce that I have angels in my life now.

I was not really angry of life itself. I was just annoyed at my lack of courage in making the best out of life. Now, I am living one of the best moments in my life thanks to some courageous acts. ;P

I was never abandoned by others. I was the one isolating myself from them. I realize just a little effort in creating laughter and communication, can tighten bonds so much more.

People are not always mean. I just didn't allow a chance for myself to see them in another light. Now, I can even see angels on Earth.

Life had never been unkind to me. I had been ungrateful and unappreciative to this gift of Life. Having misused half of it, I am gonna do my best in everything now.

There are tough decisions you have to make in life .
There are mistakes which might leave you scarred forever in life.
There are moments when it is so painful that you wish no more of life.
There are times when you want to give up on life.

But, have you seen life in a different light?
Never let the negativities blind you from the positivities.
Instead of holding on to everything that hurtful and heavy, why not let it go to welcome a nicer perspective on life where you can come to know happiness again?

It is never easy.
But it is never harder than living life with a burden of angst and tears.

I do feel sad once in a while. Like why can't I be with the people I love all the while.
But then again, I understand it being inevitable and the best for everyone.
Although afar, our bonds can develop into something stronger.

So, life pretty much balances itself. Never all good and definitely never all bad.

Three Timing LDR

It is tough to be having a LDR. But last night only I realized, I am actually having LDRs with .......3 persons. How come I realized?

Feelings develop over the course of time and sometimes, attraction is fatal. Together with elements like trust, faith and laughter. It just can be stopped.

Somehow I feel sorry for myself and for all involved.

There is the special one whom I long to talk to everyday. Who lingers on my mind always. Who guides me in going thru everything. My Uncle Tan has been really nice to me. More than anything I can ask for. Truly blessed.

There is the most jovial , happy-go-lucky, clumsy one. Who stuck with me day and night last year. Walking long distances, going to the gym, eating out, tram rides, stupid accidents. We talk everyday on Skype until bedtime which is 4 am over there. Stapling. Everthing we did together. My dear WenJi.

There is the more lovey-dovey one with the special accent. Or special English. Sending me countless lovey-dovey sms-es from Aussie. Saying more 'I miss you's and 'I love you's than anyone before. Making me happy every single day. The Amy.

But sorry guys, I chose Uncle Tan! Wahaha!

To fuel out this frustration!

Okay, now i am gonna try and release all this frustration within me.

Why am i just so damn bad with computers?
Okay, Lenz said to treat them with care and LOVE so that they'll behave themselves. I treat them nice enuff! It is just so unfair when my sister's tortured piece is running, albeit with really weak pulses, but mine died despite my relatively attentive care!

And why, oh why must be beloved Life Support System be gone by now?
Hm...strangely enough, him leaving was as if pulling the plug of the machine.
And now, my dear Fujitsu #1 rests in peace.

And then all my bully-able sidekicks are gone! The helmet-ed one kinda disappeared tonight and the not handsome one ran back to Ipoh! Then there is the loud one whom i am not close to. How to approach?

Please let everything be alrite. .............which leads me to remembering Olivia. Saying tht her laptop kinda faced a similar problem, asked me to send it to the professionals and let them do their thing before it worsens, up to a point where i might lose all data.

Professionals. Worsening. Lose all data.
She is really trying to make me hit the panic button.
Angry at her now ;P

Anticipation really makes things a lot worse. After anticipating this long to see and chat with Uncle Tan, then this happened. Seriously a day of ups and downs!

With help from Helmet Man, I set up the connection on my own!
I logged on to MSN and chatted with a lot of people!
Then my connection could not be refreshed.
Then I saw Uncle Tan online!
Then the Win32 thing came out. Restart.
Then could not chat. Angry. Frus!
Then video chatted with WenJi for an hr!
Missed Uncle Tan when listening to Suteki Dane.
Had a funny dream

That was tiring.
If this persists, I think a visit to the proessionals will be inevitable. (I dun wanna admit that Olivia is rite!)

Another thing, Amy ignored my MSN msg today!
My singing deteriorated!
I ate a lot!

I hate my computing skills!

Oh...I feel better ady!
Blogging is healthy.

I wanna be a pro in laptops.

I wonder why I am so bad with computer stuffs! I really hate it when I am forced to tackle such problems. And my only reliance all this while is gone!

Hate this feeling.

Revived!

Finally I set up my internet connection in my room. Ok, this might be a sentence u have repeted over the years but then for someone humble like me, this is truly an achievement! For once, I set up everything just by the help of a manual!......and through emergency sms-es to a helmet-ed friend. But now, I shall treat this helmet-ed fella better by 0.5%.

Over the days as semester started, there had been loadsa things going on within me. Lectures and everything, they are going fine. Or should I say, jus as expected. But then, it is different. But luckily I have really nice friends here who helped me a lot. Eventhough, there are changes over the course of my absence. It is ONE year. But sometimes, I do feel grateful and glad to see that they are actually helping me to close the gap between us. Informing me of things that happened, sharing their experiences with me, or just simply crap. I feel a lot better ady.

Which led me to think, wat happened to me?

Staying alone for a year in Clayton, I might have gotten a bit too attached to my buddies there. To have gone everywhere together, stuck together all expect bedtime, did so much together, creating new meanings to stupidity, speaking ENGLISH with Amy, .....maybe I was really too attached. Furthermore, to hae a special someone there. It is never easy to part from someone special. Not used to it, not wanting to get used to it.

But this is life and I do understand that there are things in life which are unavoidable. We can only do our best to make the best out of it. So here I am holding on and trying the very best I can. I suddenly feel lucky to have known so many nice people throughout my life.

Secondary school friends who are still around. Who I can still chat to, pour my heart to, spend quality time with. Some might have drifted apart, but this revealed the true gems among the treasure. I still wanna practime Lami and win See Ying! And seriously, Steve u r the best!

Uni frens who are always helping. For making me feel part of everyone and keeping me updated on things here. Never hesitating to assist me ard uni. Really grateful.

Melb-y frens who went through thick n thin, food n diet, exercise n slack with me. It wouldn't be that fun, enjoyable, memorable and missed without u guys ard. What I tot of as a tough and long year, turned out to be too short. Really miss u girls... Esp CUTE Olivia, CUTER WenJi and CUTEST Amy. Almost forgot, PRETTY SiewChin.

And someone special who made my life a lot brighter. Go figure..!