Eye doctor

It has been a long while since I have blogged and I have a very valid reason for it. A medical condition. . . which thankfully is not really that bad. I have used up too much of my eye-power . . . on my left eye, leading to a condition known as trabeculitis. So I am still under observation by a very nice doctor a few blocks away from me and hopefully I will be 100% up and running again very soon.

Speaking of which, in my long list of past aspirations/ ambitions, did you know I considered being an eye doctor as well? Sure it didn't really sit well with the other career options in that list like school bus driver but once upon a time, I was GOING TO BE an eye doctor.

Well, back when an eye to me is just an EYE like this:

But now that an eye to me is more than just an EYE like this:

So logically, I gave up being an eye doctor. But the reason I wanted to be one was just as fickle. I remembering telling my dad it was cos the eye is the smallest body part and shud be the easiest. But the truth was, I jus got my first pair of specs and I TOT I looked cool in them and should spread the coolness. Luckily I gave up, no?

The truth is, every single part of the body regardless of how small it is, is a very complicated creation never to be totally understood by humans or to be explained in mere text. And I didn't say this just cos I did only one short semester of Physiology. I mean to say that, none of the everything in our body can ever be underestimated.

While almost everyone are battling negative body images, sometimes we lose sight of the appreciation we should have showed towards our own health. With the extent of damage negative body images can do to oneself I can't say that this issue is over-rated but I can absolutely say that health issues are definitely under-rated. Body image and health can go hand in hand. But a lost of balance can lead us to do stupid things. It is important to constantly remind ourselves of our health, before a mere mirror image.

I am not the only one inflicted with an eye problem lately. My cousin had her share of problem in this as well and hopefully she'll recover really really soon. Another thing, I wish to happen really really soon?

Get a place to live in Clayton soon soon soon. Oh please. I knew I should have wished for this during my birthday. Ish.

Updates on birthday gifts? I got a nice key pendant from my sis and my Mum. Although I have this Big Fat Key on my neck screaming to the whole wide world that I am in fact already 21 despite the 16 year old face, . . and body, I still wanted it. Tempted to say ' Serves you rite?' Ceh, I also dun care one.

Dedicated to Food

Being in KL with no REAL purpose but a REAL big appetite is a REAL problem. Especially when you have people as free and idiotic as you around you 24/7, it becomes really problematic. Worse still, I made a promise to myself not to balloon up before going over to Aussie, no, before-during-and-after going to Aussie! So what am I doing now!

Blogging about food ma. And to do so, of course I need some research. . . experimental evidence. . . to create a quality and credible blog post! Monash taught me good :)

After my latest obsession with my Haagen Dazs Green Tea ice-cream, erm, maybe the word 'after' is not really that appropriate as I just ate it again last night but let me just emphasize again that green tea is good for your health and contains antioxidants! Everyone shud try, except for WenJi as she is already practicing it like a ritual. . .

Now let us move on to the MAIN TOPIC of this post: Donuts.

Don't even wonder why Homer Simpson loves them for it is just logical, like the fact that I will beat Choo in our long-running *ahem* 'competition' (fight-o!). My romance with donuts started last year after a blind date set up by the evil Amy, or Oli, or WenJi, between me and KrispyKreme. After that first encounter, I could never resist the sweetness, the temptation, the indulgence, the joy, the satisfaction and the LOVE. . . ever again. It felt like True Love~

In fact I loved it so much that I carried 5 kg extra of KrispyKreme Love back from Melbourne to surprise my mum. So imagine my delight when I knew that new donuts are being introduced to Malaysia! Another taste of true love? No. More like torn between two lovers, feeling like a Drool. First off, let me introduce everyone of you to the two eligible bachelors!

J.Co and Big Apple! I met with J.Co first and what happened next?

I 'got to know' J.Co Donuts better and as clearly shown here, it didn't take long for me to get to the 'bottom' of it. (Oh no! . . . I just showed u my new curtains. Don't 'notice' it, please). Then what happened?

Well, the complete dozen didn't even make it for the photoshoot.

This complete dozen of fresh donuts are from Big Apple! MY private, very romantic moment with Big Apple was intruded by the useless hand of my sister who has been the third party in my previous J.Co moments as well! She grabbed 2 out of the 6. I did calculate, scared or not? And this time, she proudly declared that she is gonna have one for supper, another for breakfast and another for teatime tomorrow. Being the nice sister I (suddenly) am, I just smiled in agreement. Especially when she was the one who paid which is a very rare event indeed. . .

I just love the colours of donuts complemented with its round shape - injects fun, cheer, sweetness and delight into any picture!

To celebrate our BIG discovery and the rekindling of my romance with donuts, I had my favourite Cherry Coke! It is only sold in Cold Storage rite now so I get to grab one only when I swing by there.

The Cherry-Coke Crave must have built up real high over the months as I couldn't help feeling hyper after a few sips. And, I am not being exaggerative at all! For my sis got high as well after only really a few sips! So we started taking pictures of us going 'Kanpai!', 'Yum Seng' or just. . . 'Haha', for no reason. . . and then. . .

This happened.

Food is amazing. It spreads joy in a healthy way.

So stop laughing at my new curtains.

Sandakan girl reporting!

If I am to lose all of my memory today, I wonder if anyone can help me regain everything I have inside of me now. Especially my feelings which is never really accessible to the world outside. With the way things are rite now, I doubt anyone can tell me everything about me. In case I even lost my desire for independence, I shall remain a stranger to myself. But if this independence of mine was spared, then I’ll be fighting for my memory, albeit all alone again.

In the end, what is the difference?

The difference lies in the fact that I tried. Despite the disappointments, I still believed in hope. Surely, sometimes it fails you but what else is there to bet on? With practice like this, one begins to feel numb, immune towards the let-downs. Though it minimizes the pain, but is the lack of emotion the best solution in life? I still believe it not so. That is why I continued hoping while gradually becoming more cautious.

There is a part of my life which I keep locked up inside my heart. Like a very old room stuffed with more and more old, dusty boxes of memories - the ones I try hard to preserve forever and the ones I wish to fade with time. It is always in the dusk in this room as a beam of light always protrudes the brownish shade of the room from a small window. Under this beam of warm and gentle light, you can see dust floating around in the air - like memories waiting to land and settle down on the different boxes in the room. Maybe the boxes symbolizes the way I categorize the messier and messier state of my mind, or heart. For example, there is the Sweet-Memories box, the Nightmare box, the People-I-Miss box, the Dreams box or even the Celebrity-Dreams box! Facing the window, is a wooden chair of common traits. On it, sits a girl smaller than the chair with her feet dangling above the ground. Dressed like a doll complete bonnet she is always sitting still and looking out of the window, maybe at the beam of light or the scenery outside which I never once saw. Another thing I never envisioned, is the face or the facial expression of this small girl.

Although this particular picture always conjures in my mind when I find words to encourage myself, I could never really understand the meaning or even the reason behind it.

But everytime this happens, I promise to never let myself be angry, be in self-pity, be negative or even be a cry-baby for too long. For I believe all these can consume a person and drive you further away from the truth, the true self which you are or which you want to become.

So, this second onwards, I shall make 2008 another happy year in my life. So that I can add more colour to that shady room in my imaginary room.

Today is a happy day, generally speaking. My sis started college and naturally I felt a bit old but also superior. For other than my Big-Sister and Idol (!!) rank, I have officially gained another status - Senior. Not as in old but in terms of university, okay? It feels good to act Senior towards the very-Juniors. And it doesn't get any better to have the convenience of having one so at your own house, just two steps away. I am loving it.

I got some cute presents for my birthday and strangely enough - both are from Shiseido. Another stranger thing - one is from my sis. As in Lowena, with the Lo Kah Lok. And it costs quite a lot. I wonder how many presentless birthdays I will suffer due to this 2007-Present. After all, we do have a history of this happening back in 1997. Speaking of which, is this a 10 year cycle thing? So there will be nothing for my birthday for the next 5 years? Oh no. . .

This is the Eye Cream I got from my sis and believe it or not, that very afternoon at the very same Sunway Pyramid, I was thinking of getting an eye cream myself. Oh, creepy. The other Shiseido present I received was from my YiMa who I really miss rite now. Eyeshadow and lipglosses in one flashy casing (I love!!) and also another furry, little pouch which is leopard-printed. Oh, I feel wild already. . .

Why combine all 4 pictures together? I just thought it would look artsy in case this didn't pop up in your mind when u saw it. Ceh.

More cosmetics from my Brother Eddie. Bobbi Brown Corrector and Concealer set, making me bright eyed 24/7. To play more Final Fantasy 12 and hopefully, die off later.

Last but not least, two carefully packaged Totoro I received from dear Oli all the way from Aussie. Thanks a lot~ I wanted to name one after you but the namesake got nabbed by my sis, so now they are. . .

Now for a few snapshots of the first house I lived in back in Sandakan. I must have spent about 14 years there. The special feature of that house is, it is very traditional in a lot of ways and so, it manages to hold a lot of my childhood memories.

The swing we thought of as the greatest creation ever on Earth when we were young. We even created a so called Abs-Exercise using this 'machine' here and we practiced hard everyday. Until dogs were introduced into our compound and so our tummy-bloats began.

This is the front garden and for as long as I could remember, that huge mango tree had been there.

Another historical monument! These water tanks have been there for as long as I can remember as well. There is just something peaceful about this scene. Since this is the place where I spent my childhood where no worries existed, there is just something serene about it. Making me believe that this is someplace I can always return to.

One of the best chefs in MY world and always the kindest grandma one could have. When I was young, I was lactose intolerant (I guess!) so I rejected all sorts of milk at the age of 3 months. So this kind grandma of mine grinded rice and other nutritious stuffs for me to eat as commercial baby food are not good enough! How can you not love her?

This is what we see every Sunday night when me, my sis and my mum goes back to my grandparents' place for dinner. After I'd say 21 years (oh well. . . ), it still hasn't changed one bit.

Every single dish is cooked with genuine ingredients here and no instant-helpers used! While we think this is terrific, my Grandma somehow, loves amusing herself by buying all sorts of new, frozen or instant food. Then she would be amazed at how easy nuggets can be prepared and improvise on it. She even knows which instant noodle is the tastiest and where it is sold the cheapest. She is not OLD at all. . .

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the dish my Grandma is well-known for! Chicken feet and Mushrooms. And notice the plate she used? We call that the Vintage Plate - cool eh!

And this is the present my Grandma gave me before I felt Sandakan. She feeds me like a pig and it feels good. . . secretly I admitted here (oh no. .)! It costs only RM 1 per piece and tastes nice! See the name written on the plastic bag? Lo Tai (Mrs Lo). Miss her a lot. Really really do.

Light

Life never gets easier as you age.

While that very fact is dampening to the spirit, it also proves that we are maturing as adults. So yet again, we are with two choices which require compromisation and sacrifice. Isn't this the same for every other matter?

I could live care-free and unbound like a child if I choose to ignore my responsibilities and conscience. Compromisation.

I could have majored in the field I dreamt of since forever if I had chosen to be stubborn and unaffected by all outside influences. Sacrifice.

With every decision I make, both these elements come into picture and then, I become a being filled with doubts, insecurities, fear and negativity. Since we become more complex and think more than necessary (at times) as we grow older, decisions we make tend to become more negative. Somehow, someway, I think I became more timid as I aged.

With all these clouding your mind, it is easy to become lost within your own mind, further confused by the thoughts running through your head, being mislead by the darkness filling the world you envisioned in your mind. Then, you stop trying. And you continue to live in this dark little imaginary world you built, all alone - angry, scared and lonely.

Sometimes, I wonder if everything around me is real. Having my fair share of nightmares, at times I wonder if me - breathing and alive at this moment - is real. What if, this is just a dream, and I am gonna wake up one day and look into the mirror to see another person? Or maybe, what I have now around me are just illusions? What is real in this world? . . . Maybe I am being a bit of a paranoid now.

If I am real, a real person, how can I be taken down so easily by such mere abstract elements which I can't even explain or understand? When this question dawned upon me, I suddenly realized: Maybe it is the unknown I am afraid of. Is it just the same for everyone?

People driven to depression. People who supposedly lost their mind.
Were they just defeated by themselves?
By the conclusions they made about the world, the assumptions they convinced themselves of, the lies they believed in blindly - of which none might be true at all?
All questions to which we never dared to find the answer. The unknowns.

I was looking up at the gloomy December skies back in Sandakan while in the car. It was drizzling and people looked cold and isolated on the streets as everyone scurried away from the rain. As I gazed into the grey-ness of the sky, all sorts of questions flooded my mind and I held an expressionless face. I felt tired, inconfident, cowardly and lifeless.

Then suddenly a small beam of light passed through the heavy grey clouds. It was so small but yet, it was the most prominent thing among that vast grey sky. At that very moment, the coldness of the whole picture was no longer felt.

Just like the darkness we played up in our mind, what it takes is only a small beam of light - hope, faith, confidence - to make things right. Although igniting this light may be hard when darkness dominates and it will take time for this small beam to fight off the darkness, but if you choose to not give up I am sure it will succeed. For from the moment you chose to not give up, you have already gained faith.

There isn't one zombie movie where those zombies lived forever while the sun gave up shining.

We can learn a lot from nature. After every rainfall - the sun always shines, the rainbow only appears, the warmth is more appreciated.

We will continue to worry our way through and through but it is okay as long as we know not to be overtaken by these negativities, by our mind, by our own self.

For now, we just need to make sure that we are trying the best we can.

21 at 2008

So here comes 2008. Although I am XX years old rite now, my friends enjoy calling me XX+1 years old (U didn't think I would be so stupid as to reveal my AGE, huh huh huh. . . ). Why? Apprently, my birthday being on the 31st December isn't really important as most people round up their age according to the year and not the exact date they were born on. So LAMELY, I turn XX on 31st December 2007, and then XX+1 on 1st January 2008.

Anyway, despite the big NUMBER i turned on my birthday, it was not celebrated extravagantly at all this year. Just a small get-together with my mum, dad and sis. Where are the other 3,921 family members you asked? Well, thing is, I jetted over to KL on the day itself so no one was around to celebrate with me.

Miraculously, I started cleaning my room, wiping off dust, re-arranging my many many stuffs, unpacking my 28 kg bag and screaming at my sis to get off her butt and get me a plastic bag (to no avail). Then all of a sudden, I stopped and thought, 'Why am I doing this?' Then I saw my sis on my bed, just lying there, yeah just that. Then I realized: I must have matured into adulthood. *A halo of light then appears as I looked up*

Back to our birthday celebration tradition! We went out for dinner then back home for cake! Loved my cake for this year! Haagen Dazs Fruity-something cake~ Frozen raspberries, strawberries, peaches, grapes and longans sitting deliciously on soft, soft fresh creams spread tenderly onto a rich, thick bunk of Macadamia flavoured ice-cream. I swear I could hear the cake sing 'Don't cha. . Don't cha. . ' ever so seductively.

Then the fireworks came. Oh, did u not know. For some reason, the Sunway group always gives me amazing fireworks as birthday presents, every single year. At the exact same time of 12.00 am. This year they had a Beach Party at Sunway Lagoon as well. This, I am not sure whether it is for me, but I'll just take a wild guess that it IS. *HoHo*

I received my birthday present from my mum today! A trip to GDO Saloon to be hair-ready for Aussie! And I looked like Yunalesca from Final Fantasy 10!

The picture above is me (digital perming ok, guys), while the one below is Yunalesca. Similar? Exactly the same, especialy the body and the fashion sense. I sense a LOT of disagreement so I made another close-up comparison just to satisfy the need for this few friends of mine to laugh at me.

This shows a close-up me (digital perming again, guys) and the pic below is Yunalesca showing her ugly side. Ugly: associable with lovable me? Please think again before you scream in agreement, FRIENDS.

Here is a small preview of what my new hair-style looks like:

Am I gonna be the most obvious descendent of my PorkGrandma (nicknamed used by all, not me being mean ok!)?

Ta-da-da-da! Stay tuned for the full hair-raising-story~!

Oh, by the way, this is especially for SiewChin and Amy: I got new curtains.