Wander Wander Wander

Sometimes I wonder where my life is heading. Acting all the time as if I know what is meant for me, what is to happen, what is to expect. Acting needs strength. Being stronf drains your energy. And before you know it, your inside feels emptier than ever.

Despite all the noise from the TV which approaches annoyance, the typing noise from the room beside, the dogs barking outside. Why do I feel like there's nothing around me?

MAybe it's because my aunt and my Teddy left jus now. All the bustling noises and chaotic mornings are now gone and will be missed. Maybe it's cos I feel sleepy but then dread to sleep? Can things be less complicated in my head?

I really want something to look forward to everyday. And to know that I am working towards the right direction in my life. I hate the fact that I doubt so much about everything I am now. I hate the fact that I don;t know anything.

So much stuff in this world I don't know. I wonder if I'll ever find the answer. I wonder if I'll regret anything I did some time in the future. I wonder why I wonder so much! Ergh...again! Endless circles of tots!

Reciprocation is such a funny thing. While trying hard not to show that you care, there is no denying the longing inside you. If only people can be more honest in everything. Won;t this world be much more simpler? I wish I could be honest jus now. Guess I'm still too proud to show my weak side. Honestly, there's not one person so far whom I can really show my weak side to. Do I wanna meet this person or do I not? Another question...

Piling up Thoughts

It is funny how such a small brain of ours can fit so much stuff! It is a blessing to be able to think, decide and remember, but sometimes, with all these thoughts crumpling in ur brain, it becomes so hard to even breath. Trying hard to sort out the different emotions within me, I find myself sometimes lost in ......a pool of conflicting, misleading and confusing feelings.

Stressful Me

It is exam season FYI. I guess it contributes to the stress issue. But knowing me, I guess everyone of u knows that I am not really the easily stressed out kind. More of then just 'let it be and it shall be FINE' kind. But then there is this single annoying unit which is making me nuts now, not contributing is the fact that it clashes with another neglected unit of mine. I am not worrying, now. Was worrying just now, but oh-nevermind!

Other than that, there is this persistently bugging weight issue! Urggh.... Dun even get me started on that! How come some people can be so good in studies, learn piano so very fast and EAT AS MUCH AS THEY WANT WITHOUT GAINING WEIGHT? These people will be on my 'ENEMY' list from now on:

1) Mok
2) Woo Hsian
3) Benjamin

Anyway, stress has and will never be a large part of my life. I try to make it not! Ganbarimasu!

Emptiness Me

This is one weird side. Somehow, I realized. In about a month's time, I will be leaving Melbourne and back to my old home. But, here in my room in cold Melbourne, there is attachment. Memories, sweet ones, bad ones. Friends, best ones. Places, special ones. Everything.

Just like the other day when the MUMSU AGM ended. Before that I never gave a thought about it. Just another voting session. But as soon as that moment came, with the new committee in front of me. There's this slightly overwhelming feeling, not of sadness or regret, but of not being bear the feeling of having to leave this family. Family, where I got to know some of my closest friends from. The flashbacks of the past did not help much, by the way.

I found out that I was really happy.
Now, realizing the fact that I'll be returning is making me feel slightly emptier.
I feel like being snatched of something important. OF something I dun wanna let go.

Selfishness Me

Lately I began thinking, why can't we ever be with ALL the people we love all the time?
Mother and child separated, cause of the son's career. Friends separated by the borders of countries. Family separated as they pursue their own future. Why must distance always be the price we pay as we chase for wat we desire in life?

I really want to be with everyone. Every single on of u guys. I wanna stay here so that I can be with all of you. Laughing together at the same old lame jokes, eating out at different places, complaing about Monash all the time, sleep in Hargrave, discuss about the most stupid topics, fully utilize out Sunday Savers everytime. All these are just such nice memories.

But, I cannot bear to leave my family and friends back in Malaysia. I still reminisce so much about the times we spend talking endlessly about the entertainment world, checking out mega sales, going for 7 hours of RedBox marathon, ice cream-ing always, Kim Gary trips. I missed these memories very very much.

Is it really necessary to choose only one?
Reality is just so cruel sometimes.

Grateful Me

I am lucky, u guys always say. The luckiest part, actually I think, is to be able to meet all the nice and great people here in Melbourne. It is really a blessing to be able to meet everyone of u. Someone I can rely on all the time, ridding me of loneliness and homesickness. My darling sisters who fill my everyday with laughters and share all my worries and problems - Amy, Oli and WenJi. I couldn't thank them enough for all these.

The guys who make me laugh me so often and never hesitate to help me whenever I needed - u know who u r! Then of cos, there is this important part of my life rite now, and one of the best presents I got since coming here - Mr Tan! It would be so different without u. So I am grateful and happy.

Optimistic Me

I am gloomy.....lately. But, I dun like to show it! If u can cover ur sadness with jokes and radiate laughter around u, y not do it? Like the ripple effect, eventually the laughter will reach back to me! I think so.

So what if I have to let go of so much that I treasure? It is not like I'll be losing them rite?
I believe me and my frens definitely are worth much more than that!
Memories, can be strong enough to link us together, regardless of the distance.
There'll be a day when we meet again. We'll laugh. Hug. Talk endlessly again.

Separations happen all the time in life. Just always make sure, there'll be a reunion. No matter how far ahead it might be, just make sure there will be a reunion.

Then all the waiting will be worthwhile.

Now that I cleared out some of the clutter in my brain, time for some Blood+ again. By the way, tmr will be my OFFICIAL DIET DAY. New Nickname - Porky Pie!

Weekend Report 1

Truly, I had a very whimsical and hyper weekend, so much so that, I need time to reflect on what I have done for these few days.

Friday-Passed-By-In-A-Flicker

It was mentioned at around 1 a.m. A total overhaul of the original Mid Autumn Fest celebration plan, had me and WenJi scratching our heads. As always, given Melbourne's oh-so-very-cute-and-lovable transportation system, we could again go no further than Zone 2 for dinner! And not forgetting the contribution of Monash's darlingly-adorable assignments dates, everyone.

Then there were the frustrating moments in planning which fuelled to the merge of giving up on arranging a group celebration! The no. 1 frustration? This infamous quote from a certain someone who I will see tmr - "Why don't we eat in Wah Kee?" The reply? The exact same look of horror on me and WenJi's faces.

All of a sudden, it was decided. A BBQ and SteamBoat session for a party of 10 and above at Normanby. And the project initiator, manager, etc was me and WenJi. Excited, eager, charged with energy, tralalala~ Off to ask for college head's permission at 8 am (Given WenJi, this is a truly big achievement). Upon a nod, we shot off to Springvalle!

Swept everything! One highlight point: I got an extra of $7 change from one of the shops! Sampled gree tea mooncakes! Next stop, Clayton! Grabbed all the remaining stuffs and sped home to prepare!

Well........we wanted to speed home, but then, then, then! We were like carrying boulders in our shopping bags! WenJi had to stop a few times on the way from Rusden to Normanby. Please give your praisings now. This is a crucial moment for appreciation from you guys. Thank you. Haha. Haha. Hahaha!

As soon as we arrived home, WenJi and I started preparing the stuff. What ensued was loads of chopping, cutting, slicing, marinating, arranging, tasting, crapping and commiting stupid blunders! Then along came Amy, what she did? Talking, talking, talking, talking until we came to another highlight of the day! Below is the whole transcription of what happened.

Amy: Oh this! Thai people use this to make salad a. Very very yum. A bit spicy one rite?
Me: Oh, really a?
After a whole 10 minutes of conversation,....
Amy: Papaya, rite?
Me: ................................Pumpkin.

I just love being around Amy. Hehe! Then came the other guys and out went the food, and in they go into our stomachs! Here is the list of food, BBQ the Malaysian way!

1) Fish with sambal and lime juice.
2) Chicken wings.
3) Chicken skewer with capsicums in teriyaki sauce.
4) Sweet potato.
5) Potato with cheese, butter and pepper.
6) Squid (I was the founder of this!)
7) Sausages in BBQ sauce.
8) Pumpkin (amy......)
9) Lamb and beef steaks and slices
10) Vegetables
11) Octopus, Lobster, Cuttle Balls
12) Fish Tofu and nugget
13) Dumpling (I made them!)
14) Loads of mushrooms!
15) Udon (Siew Chin's subject of experiment...)
16) Prawns

By the end of the nite, we had mooncakes! A total of 8 mooncakes were eaten! The flavours were: Red Bean, Lotus, White Lotus, Green Tea, Taro, 3 Ice Cream Mooncakes (Lychee, Mango, Honey Dew)! We almost even snatched Wei Pinn's box to eat....

All in all it was a very very enjoyable day! Could not feel my body at the end of the day, but definitely think it was worth it! Cant wait for the next one!

Saturday-Zoom-Zoom-Zoom-Gone

Woke up kinda early the next morning, and went to Brandon Park! Hm, Brandon Park is nothing special and I do the same thing there pretty much everytime. But then again, like I always say, the place is not important. The company is.

Then there was the assignment trip we made to Hargrave, me, Ray and WenJi. Supposingly dull and frustrating, but then I finished my Poster and mingled around a bit. Again, company matters, location not.

After that we hit the roads of the campus, jogged together, the three of us around campus! Felt worked out and hyper, er.... not really hyper actually! Exhausted! ........and lazy. It was just a round of the campus, nothign special. But again! Again! Not the place, it is the company.

All the small things in life, no matter how repetitious, how common, how simple, how short they are, as long as it is endured together with the right people, will leave a significant mark in your memory. And that's why I said, "Today was fun!" Because, it really was.

Saturday was a simple day of happiness and warmth with all my closest ones here in Melbourne.

Sunday-Marathon-Our-Style

Woke up to a rainy Sunday morning at 8 am. Woke up to a sunny Sunday morning at 9 am.
Weather's crazy here in Melbourne. Went to the city and tried looking for the Blue Spirit store to redeem the vouceher I got from MUMSU Ball, but after numerous searches, we found the close was still closed. While we were searching, Amy missed her train and came later, by the way.

Proceeded straight to Lygon for our Pizza Meal! All you can eat for $ 13 per head. Ate a big pizza, 2 big pastas, 2 jugs of Coke, a garden salad. 80% to death. Then went to Freddo for Gelato! I had mango and toblerone! It was amazing. By the time I finished the whole thing, 90% to death. Motion sickness on the tram, 99% to death. Arrival at St. Kilda Market, revival (!), 20% to death! Left market by tram to Glenferry to pass WenJi's old schoolmate something. Tram journey, 98% death.

Walked around Glenferry. Got lost for around 15 minutes. Read the map. Confused by the map. But then I was the one who found out how to return to our dear-old-Clayton, amidst the murderously cold weather! As I have always tried to prove to my mum, RPG helps in every aspects of our daily lives.

Swayed back in the tram again, 99% death. Finally back to Normanby, took a LONG shower and finished up another Poster! After a long day, finally a nice little small chat with a certain someone who did not contact me the whole day, who I will not think of so often again. Wrapped up my day with this sweet little ending. Gonna sleep now!

What sweet little ending? Here's a teaser - I might just accept Olivia. Ta-da!

Random statements:
1) Determinated to gam fei for sure!
2) AGM got pizza!
3) "Stop being so aunty!" - by WenJi
4) Wanna Fisherman Horizon.
5) No more Pasta or Pizza. Wil really vomit.
6) Wanna eat more mooncake. Anyone can donate some?

To be An Individual

It is really unique, you yourself. Different from everyone else in countless ways, being special and existing as the one and only in this whole wide world. This fact has always been marketed as something we should be proud of, something we should embrace for all our lives and shine through it.

But, looking past all these jolly-good-old side of being unique, then why do we always find ourselves struggling to try to fit in? Or maybe, unconsiously trying to join the mainstream? OR even, helplessly floating around, blaming the whole world before locking ourselves in seclusion upon the failure to find any affiliation?

Being special. Being unique. It is all good. But aside from that, from time to time, don't they bring a sense of loneliness?

Being special. Being unique.
Being alone. Being insecure. Being intimidated. Being scared.

While trying hard to hold on to all that makes me unique: my principles, my beliefs, my dreams, my ambitions, my memories, my mind, my emotions, my feelings, there are times when I feel like I am no more than a mere follower of the mainstream. Trying to fit in to something which I am not, in a bid to find some comfort, some reliance, some connection with all that is around me.

There are a lot of issues in my life which although wanting to have a stand against it, I find myself doing it in the end. Feeling a bit relieved to know that there are people who are like me in this mainstream thing while can't stop being disgusted at my own lack of stand or courage or determination. Disgustion accumulating to angst which gradually develops into self-pity. I pity myself for being so weak.

How do we stand out as an individual. Not to be intimidated by any mainstream elements. Not to be wavered by outside influence different from your own. Not to be lured into the comfort zone which doesn't match your beliefs. Not to be tempted to by momentary affiliations. Not to be scared to be different. Not to throw away your personality. Not to be just one of them on the streets talking in the cool slang.

Such a handful.
Are we trying too hard to stand out?
Or is this another counter measure we are taking to shield our fear?

Whatever it is, I guess there is no need to think of what we have to become to be ourselves.

Individualism. Isn't it about you yourself? Then if we act naturally, without hesitation, aren't we shining as an individual already?

To be pure and innocent is no longer possible in this complicated world, once you mature. But there is something which you can preserve and protect from the many evil and tempting influences of the outside world. Your mind, your heart, your beliefs and your personality.

Hard as it might seem, if we try hard enough, this is one of the only sign of purity we can preserve in our lives. Fear, doubts, hesitations, loneliness - these are just the small 'somethings' along the way towards strengthening them.

I wanna continue believing in this.

End of a Hectic Week

Last week was a very hectic one. So hectic that all my assignments and activities had to slotted in between all in order to complete them all! It was a tiring experience for sure, but nevertheless a rewarding and satisfying one.

So what did I do last week? Obviously the highlight was MUMSU Ball 2006. It was a real stressful week for us committee seriously, making sure everything went rite, arranging things our of a sea of mess, striving to meet the expectations and most of all to create a nite worthy to all who are attending.

Stress is an evil thing. It can ride up into ur mind and play dirty games inside, making your days havoc and mood terrible. But I am still learning how to laugh it away~

During that nite, things didn't really go as planned honestly. Add to it, the awful traffic jam, untimely raining session and other small unexpected unpleasant 'surprises'. What did we get? STRESS.

But then, once you see the familiar faces greeting you, the familiar voices teasing you, all the negativities just began to fade off gradually. It was such a nice picture. Seeing all your frens in their best attire, acting posh while still talking rubbish, taking pictures in stupid poses, laughing at each others' attempts to act cool, picking small fights and so on. IT was busy and frsutrating at times, but then when I think of these happy moments, seriously nothing measures up.

Top moments of the night:
1) Getting made up and ready with my besties!
2) The food was nice! Loved the salmon esp the potato part! Loved the tiramisu and the chocolate platter!
3) Watching Siew Chin sing and then Gary's table screaming, "Siew Chin I love you" in the end!
4) Public teasing of Amy, Siew Chin, Jing Wen, Meng Sang and Chun Ming during the King & Queen session!
5) Jing Wen's sword dance and catwalk.
6) Surprising Woody with a bday cake!
7) Everyone telling 'YUM SING'~!
8) A parody of stupid pictures!
9) Feasting my eyes while looking for the KING~~!
10) Countless random jokes~!

Also, Mr Lai Jing Wen won the MUMSU Ball King title! And he better keep his prize nicely~ I really hope I didn;t mess up the King & Queen part! Ray did well while I stoned there. Seriously, like I said, I am not a PERFORMER. Not onstage definitely!

Wendy and Ben did a good job tho! It really is not easy performing! Everyone on my table won something (almost!) and I didn;t! Wenji won a $200 Famous Amos hamper! Is that a blast or what? I am definitely gonna nick some from her!

All in all it was a fun nite! Too bad to those who couldn't make it. Believe me, ask everyone and they would agree how worth it was!

So the break is here! I slept till 1 pm just now. Was seriously exhausted last nite! So this coming break, I wanna:

1) Karaoke!
2) HAve a small BBQ!
3) Play piano!
4) Eat chocolate cakes!
5) Study!
6) Yum Cha!
7) Sing loads!
8) Spend time with my dear, ya!
9) Loads more!
10) Sleep!

What if I drown?

I feel like drowning rite now? Not because of fits of suffocation or of something sorrowful. Just a mix of emptiness, a pinch of stress, a hint of uneasiness, a dash or worry and a small spark of frustration. All of these adds up to level 1 drowning.

Emptiness
This is the least significant one but then at the same time, the most prominent one inside of me! For the past few days, I had been resorting to it for ease and comfort. Sorta like something to look forward to at the end of a long tired day! I finished up all 22 episodes of Ouran Koukou Hosuto Club! Oh no! Today I felt like I had nothing to do! I miss anticipating for the moment I set my fingers tapping on DC++! That is why, the emptiness.....

Stress
Somehow, always, always, always, itsu mo, itsu mo, itsu mo. Around 5 weeks before the finals, I'll start feeling like I should have worked harder. Now, although the labs are ending slowly (I just did the last lab for CHM2962 and done the last report for CHM2922!), and the waves of reports are slowing taming, somehow, there is this persistant stressful feeling inside me. I am forever trying to dig it out.

Things I am stressing of now:
1) Finals
2) To be able to study in time
3) MUMSU Ball
4) Assignments
5) Losing Weight

Uneasiness
Hm...there is this funny sort of uneasiness inside of me. Rendering me not being able to make peace with myself. It is like I am dissatisfied with so much that is going on around me that I am feeling guilty for being this way. Maybe it started from stress? Maybe I am just over-reacting?

Regardless, i feel uneasy. I wanna make peace with myself as soon as possible. But what is causing all this?

Worry
Seems like everyone can be associated with this word rite? But then luckily for me, I have low affinity to this word. Usually I worry for 10 minutes only to throw it all away later! Cos like I always say " the boat will go straight automatically, once it reaches the port". So I guess I am healthy this way! Currently I am worried of the MUMSU Ball, but then....like I said, it'll be alrite in the end. Just gotta hang on to this thought and go through it.

Frustration
I can't take this anymore! Seriously this had never been an issue in my life. But then lately, why does it seem like everyone's picking on me about my weight?

People's general response towards my recent weight:
1) Teasing
2) Nagging
3) Laughing
4) Constant-reminding
5) Never-Fail-To-Ask-Question

I must admit that I have succumbed into believing that I really gained a whole lot of evil weight and now it is like I am punished! Verbally! Hm....regardless, I try to make a joke out of everything. Maybe as a comfort to myself, to make the situation less awkward, to numb my sensitive side? I don't know. I just do it, without me myself realizing. But then, I believe I can do it! He he!

Seems like this post is so negative. Sumimasen for complaining and complaining so much here! However, which leads me to think, aren't all this little negativities what drive us towards striving for the better? In controllable amounts, somehow they seem like motivation to some or the pushing/driving FORCE to the lazy others. It may seem monstrous from time to time. It might even have pushed you too hard sometimes.

But what will life be without all these? Will you be satisfied with a life like that? While we love stretches of blue skies and green fields, won't the same scenery become dull if it remains so forever? Even with such negativities in life, we find it hard to appreciate the good things in life. What do you think will become of us, if we take the negativities away?

So, I am still a bit agitated over all these, but then I appreciate it to be here, at this very momeny.

Random Statements:
Fitzroy is a must visit place.
Blythe dolls are kinda scary!
Starting to study CHM 2922!
Gonna return M'sia next yr!
The T2 Tea is making me a toilet-regular.
I love my Moroccan Rose lotion! Kleins is the best.
The Sesame Red Bean Bun from Asian Grocery at Campus Centre was real bad.....
I love being an Asian and am proud of it!
Amy's mum's coming!!
I want more of Ouran!

All sorts of unnecessary bugs in my head.

It is funny how a little bit of this and that can crowd up your mind. A little bit of stress, a little bit of confusion, a little bit of pressure and a little bit of frustration. Ends up being a swell of burden so heavy that you feel like just throwing your head into your beloved pillow and dream your day away. That's life!

But then, try separating all those 'this n that'. See each of them carefully. You'll realize that sometimes, they're actually quite insignificant stuff when viewed individually. Not insignificant, or should I say, they are actually not as burdening as they seemed to be. If I take one thing at a time, step by step, I am sure I can finish up everything nicely in the end. I am optimistic, as always.

Now the mission is to not let things overwhelm me. When you think back, there were always times when you thought you had it bad rite? But now, aren't we all still doing alright?

Today is my big-bad- GUILTY- day. I got the dress which had been haunting my mind ever since yesterday. It popped up in my mind and stayed there for an average of 15 minutes during these circumstances:
1) Walked past a dress store in Brandon Park
2) Saw the silky PJs at BNT
3) Random thoughts, then 'POP'. There it was.
4) Appeared in my dream.
5) IT just won't let me go.

So I went ahead and bought it. For the coming MUMSU Ball. Which I think is not really such a bad idea. Cos, I actually won't need to buy shoes as it matches well with the heels i brought over and its simplicity is actually a plus point, making mixing and maching easier when it comes to accessories and stuff~ OK, now here is the list of my accomplices who 'supported' and 'encourage' me to get the dress:
1) AMY- top supported
2) Olivia
3) Chitra

..........Ok, it is a short list but they did play a big part in the process!

There's another crossroad in my life. Whether to stay here for the next year or to return. But it all depends on my dad, i guess. But when he asked me what I wanted, part of me wishes to return just for old times' sake, missing my previous lifestyle and all the nice people back there. Another part of me wishes to remain here, realizing i am actually begining to see independence in me, to learn new things, and there is a network of close knit friends that I dread to leave here. But then I decided that thinking won't lead me anywhere! So now I am focusing on..... Going back to Sandakan for my summer holidays and nothing else!

Tomorrow! Off to Box Hill to find sponsorships! One of the major bugs in my head. Feel kinda bad for not being able to contribute. There is this temptation to just not care and hide but then, I am a Capricorn! I just cannot bear to do it. Guess I'll just try my best ...to not embarass myself. Or most importantly, not embarass MUMSU! Then we are planning to go to Richmond for some nice food! But not to worry, my pals, I am still on a diet! Seriously.

When your dreams resemble your reality, is it living your dream or avoiding the reality? I am living in a dream now. I always get people telling me that I am very lucky. Honestly, I guess I am, slightly.....? I have never really met any hardships in life before. I count it as a blessing. But then again, what will happen if this luck of mine runs out someday? I wonder....

Being told you are lucky, is sometimes a bit funny. Does it mean that your capabilities are not solid enough to be recognized by others? Or does it mean that you are given a gift exclusive few others in this whole wide world? I love being lucky and being told that I am lucky. But there are days when it makes me feel a bit sulky to be told that.

Random statements:
I love Trampoline Open Sesame.
And this currently playing song in my blogsite!
And Ouran Host Club is so funny!
Missing shopping sprees in One Utama!
Chatting with WenJi who is only less than 30 steps away from me.
Misses Teru a lot.
Angry at someone 'mean' now!
I wanna sleep now so that I can wake up earlier for piano tomorrow~

All sorts of eye candy!

Despite all attempts to reject all sinful food, I had a really really sinful day today. And it ended just as badly!

It was such an exciting day going all the way to Bridge Rd, the city and Crown, with my 2 best gal pals, all of us buzzing with excitement at the thought of shopping for a dress! But then again, typical of me, I failed to get a single item in the end! IS this a failure? Maybe you would say no. But then hear me out, those other 2 who supposedly were gonna accompany me ONLY, bought so much stuffs! Now, again, am i a failure?

Top disappointments of the day:
1) The exaggerating prices of the dresses.
2) Looking fat in the dress!
3) Failing to resist Trampoline!
4) Losing what I most anticipated for the whole day!

I really must lose some weight! Gonna resume my diet plan starting tomorrow! 80% exercise and 20% food! Oh....make some space for studying as well. And PIANO! Oh gosh, am i addicted... Every morning, I wake up automatically around 8, just so that I can get ready earlier and spare some time to play ZANARKAND, yes, still Zanarkand, in the common room. The same scenario repeats everyday. ME there, struggling with Zanarkand and the cleaning lady vacuuming behind me. Yes, I hope it didn;t annoy her too badly!

I ate a lot today! Ate a big muffin from Coffee HQ, then 20% of the Limited Edition Mars Bar ( really a must-try to all, it is not as sweet as the original but then highly chocolate-y and simple devilish to the taste buds!), Trampoline (open sesame, lychee and line and choco nougat.....simply irresistable....), Pork Chop Vermicelli at Mekong (not really nice but still....), Japanese Ice Cream at Crown (Durian and Taro~~) and 20% of the Cookies and Cream Cake at Crown. Is that a lot? I guess.....? Please dun tell me the exact answer to this question! And the one healthy option, the apple I brought alone, was left alone and rotten in my bag.

I must remain motivated and focused! Fighto fighto fighto!

Lately I heard a really really joyous and cute and..sorta strange song from GLAY~! Denki iruka something something.... It is really nice and has been playing repetitiously in my head all day~ I kinda enjoy it! It is a very nice feeling to have a happy and uplifting song playing in ur mind all day. Somehow, it helps pushes, if not neutralizes the negativities which usually crowd our minds. Although its effect is momentary, I would like to enjoy this short process.

I hope life would be like that song. Joyous, uplifting, easy, simple, cheerful, quirky, relaxing and its extraordinary power to induce a smile upon your face. 'I love my life' -- I will try to protect this statement for as long as i live.

Crossroads/ Wavering

Sometimes no matter how hard we think, we avoid, we forget, we try, decisions are never easy to make. Constantly worrying over what might become of our decision, we are weak creatures after all. Too afraid to fall, too afraid to fail. But then isn't life like this? You fall, hold back your tears and get up again.

What if, you try crying after you fall? Try releasing what is inside of you. I will always be there to listen to you.

There used to be this person in my mind, some kind of role model to me, who I wanted so much to be. Someone smart, intelligent, elegant, brave, successful, popular and so on. I spent half of my secondary years trying to be like 'her'. Always thinking of what to do, being so concious of my actions and criticizing the then 'me'. I thought it was for my own good. To make me a better person. But then it was so tough and painful to me, to endure all the pressure I mounted on myself, that I was further away from not only this 'role model' I wanted to be, but also from my ownself, my friends and my family.

Luckily, I met some nice people, got tired of all the constraints I placed upon myself and came to realize what a fool I had been. Gradually I began loosening up, value my own opinions, act according to my beliefs, be more true to myself and expressed my own feelings more. Surprisingly, my lie changed. I made a bunch of very nice friends, who now means more to me than ever before. My ties with my family became stronger and I love the way it is all smiles and laughter between us now. I gained more confidence and found myself loving my ownself more. Life was a lot more happier. Because, I finally became 'me' and not someone else.

It is very important be yourself, I guess. Have the courage to live as yourself and not to be influenced by the so-called standards set by the society, etc. It is important to have principles and rules in life, I believe. But make them your own principles and rules, and not something set to you. Only then will you be able to open up and feel more from this world.

I can truly say that life has been really great for me now. Never been so happy before and I am so thankful for everything. Now, I just hope things will stay the same! And for this, I shall work hard for it.

Everyone of you, should work hard too! Towards becoming true to yourself, towards finding happiness, and towards freedom from all constraints. IT is not easy, I hope I can achieve all this, one day.

Takaramono

Has there ever been times when you look at something and realize how happy you were in that instance? The whole moment, just like a painting, expressing indescribable feelings of happiness, gratitude and thankfulness. And without you realizing, there it was a silly smile on your face.

Things are always so peculiar and unexpected in this small world of ours. Within the course of days, small things can grow into such big things. Seemingly insignificant things can develop into such important parts of your life. Maybe because of this, we often fear the unknown, but then again, doesn't this make your courage to live through this, shine more brightly?

The world is a beautiful place.

It is times when I stare at those brown eyes that I came to realize how lucky and happy I am rite now, rite here. I hope for these days to continue, till the end of time. Hoping is not good enough, I will work hard for this. I just want to.