Me and who else?

Most of the times, we dunno wat is rite or wrong.
What should be done or what not.
What do we want or not want.
What is with wrong or right in us?

Despite being the unique yourself, you feel like u dunno urself at all. So what is this all about?

There are times when I wanna do things rite. Just rite. To maintain and hold on to my beliefs. But when it falls apart, the truth can tear u.

The pride of trying to be more than you can ever be. Is it too much to ask for to want to improve oneself? All the pride can consume you along with your senses, confidence and faith. What is left is just a trail of confusion and doubts leading to the familiar world of insecurities.

There are days when I wish i was a superhero. Always there to save the day. Always with a happy ending. Always able to display acts of independence, courage. Always adored by all around me. But these dreams do not go far from the comic pages don't they? Indulging in Peter Petrelli or Harry Potter is just a mean of getting closer to this world of theirs. To let my imagination lead me to a world so ideal, transiently.

But a superhero's life is not easy as well i guess.

Since old times, people find it hard to convey what they truly feel or want inside. Ironically, cover-ups and fake statements are processed without even the brain. Aren't we all just hiding our true self? The other side of us which is always so vulnerable and insecure?

If everyone have the courage to be honest all the time, I guess this world will be half as complicated. Honesty is really the best policy. And the best policy is always the hardest to attain. So this world remains complicated. And so did I.

I am suffocating in all these emotions that is welling up inside my mind, my heart and my body. Dilemma, weak, pretentious, insecurity, lack of confidence, blind, confused, anger, frustration, sadness, self-despise, annoyance. And so much more. I feel like crying but I won't. I feel like screaming but I can't. I feel like throwing everything on the floor, but I can't.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I hate this. I hate this very very much.

Joke around more.

Frustration is like a bug never wanting to leave ur tiny brain. It can drill ur mind and suck u of all ur senses.

I hate being a dependent, clingy leech. Who would like someone like that?
People say the ones with most jokes are those who are the saddest?
I wonder how true is that. But jokes really do make a nice defense system.
Helps the world goes round rite? With laughter.

Extinction and humans

Today I tot of so many things I wanna write that I kinda was left in a dilemma as to wat to write first! I wanted to tell about all the surprise parties I planned and had, the various weird perks of some frens, and even to show some before-after pics of some interesting specimens haha.

But then suddenly, something interrupted these tots of mine. Well, I was 'studying really hard with max concentration' in the Fridge. All of a sudden, there was this real enormous burst of passion from Miss Cheryl. Well, along with the initial passion, came a bit of, really tiny bit of angst.

Well, it all started when I picked up a book about endangered species in the library. And by doing this, I probably disrupted the originally peaceful world of the innocent book as it had to endure increasingly aggressive (or more like PASSIONATE) page flipping, spatters of saliva from all the debate, weird touching all around (especially on pages with cute furry animals), and not a moment of silence from the heated discussion about animal cruelty.

Extent of heat in discussion?
"I hope a killer whale will just go and spank all of them up!" - from tiny-voiced Cheryl.

I guess everyone hopes for the best for all creatures on Earth. It is just sometimes we get so caught up in our own interest or in surviving in this increasingly tough world that, we forget to care of the things around us. Maybe we are just walking too fast and our hands are just too busy to take a moment to notice and to offer help.

I am one myself. I always feel sorry for the animals for the fact tat we humans are dictating their fates most of the time. For the trees that are harmless and defenseless against the sharp saws we created. For the water that was not appreciated for. For the future generation that might never learn of the smell of fresh air. For the conservational biologists who must have faced endless failures in an attempt to save all of us.

Imagine if our children have to 'see' animals through the pages of books. No matter how extensive the information there is, it is never enough.

Imagine if water has to be generated from technological means in BIG factories. No matter how advance intellectually it might prove humans of, we will be the biggest fools for losing our granted source of survival.

Imagine when the only plants you see are in huge glass containers displayed in museums. No matter how futuristic the design is to satisfy our artsy side, it will just be a forest of concrete and greyness outside.

All these thoughts are really scary and pathetic. Everytime this comes to my mind, I cringe and feel guilty. For I am not really doing anything to help at all. Despite knowing enough about the damage, the consequences, why am i still doing nothing? Reports, tests, exams, socializing with friends, wasting my life with repetitious TV shows. I could have taken some time for this.

It is hard enough to survive in this world. In order to do this, guess all of us became a bit selfish without ourselves being aware of it. The business of everyday. I cannot say that I wholly blame humans. For we are also, just trying to survive. Rather than playing the blame game, just do something. Anything. I believe everyone makes a difference. Just by talking today, I found out so much about animals and how much I would not want extinction to happen again.

Childhood memories

Childhood memories are really sweet. Especially when it consists of nothing but pure innocence. When things revolving around me were just simple ABC and not the tormenting DNA. When single-mindedness was not regarded a bad quality. When every intention or word is exactly what we mean.

The world does become a more complicated place as we grow up. Which is not an absolute bad thing, I must admit, for it shows that we are growing up and learning. But it is always a luxury to indulge yourself in some of our childhood memories, especially when they still manage to make u smile! Today I was in such a mood again and indeed, a lot came back to my mind. Let me just brainstorm some here....

I remember the time I pretended to be angry while my sis apologized again and again. In the end, for some reasons we both fell asleep. This was on the bed of my grandma back at her old place.

I used the melody of the Red Crescent Society song and changed the lyrics into something that talks bad about her Tunas Puteri. I made her cry haha!

During hide-and-seek, I hid behind the curtains in our hotel room. She opened the curtains and punched me (out of excitement or whatever) right in my nose. Had a nosebleed.

Being accused by all parties for hiding her 'LamLam' (codename for ther smelly, musty, aged bolster) during a trip for Singapore when it went missing and she was crying and I was laughing. Not cos i hid it ok! Cos her face was laugh-inducing.

U know the kinda dish where pork and boiled eggs are served with some really dark gravy? It caused an explosion in my house. Well, dear sis microwaved it and when she tried to break the egg.... It happened. An egg-splosion. The flying yolk, the jolting black gravy, the sudden aura (or smell haha) of egg in the air, the shiveringly eerie scream from my sis and my frozen look of awe. After that? A yolk-and-black-gravy splattered pancake face with a look of amazement and a semi-paralyzed laughing me on the floor.

Me falling down the last few flight of stairs in kindergarten on my butt. Normal rite? Then pretending nothing happened, despite all the snickering. So wat!

Thinking I looked damn cool on the first day I wore spectacles. A pair of super-gold rimmed, duper round, glasses. Cool. Agree la, can u?

Hmmm...that's all for now i guess...

Although life got harder now, my brain capacity is forced to be enlarged, waking up in the morning seems to be tougher and a love-hate relationship developed between me and DNA, I still think it is great.

The inside jokes I know are piling up real fast.
A lot of people in my life make me laugh.
I appreciate and celebrate lameness as long as it brings fun.
The many humourous moments continue to brigthen my life.

So, life is still great ya.

PoPo Sang Chow Wong, Nei Jui Gai Geh Shun Zak

Meeting up with high school buddies are always fun. The inside jokes that never go out of style. The limitless teasing sessions. Countless reminiscencing of embarassing moments. Back to the Past gossiping. And so much more. Just the familiar faces!

Particularly Mr PoWah, who was so so generous as to share with us his scariest dream of all time. Which I termed scariest dream and not as a nightmare for really, erm understandable reasons.

In his dream, there was a kettle of boiling water which made the sound whee whee whee as an alert. So PoWah had to run to turn off the fire. And the alert sound was getting really rapid and out of control. But PoWah could not turn it off no matter what and he started feeling anxious, frustrated and really SCARED.

Then he woke up from the dream and found himself in terrible need of the toilet. So much so that any minute longer, his bladder could betray his dignity as an adult now. Now this is a MEANINGFUL dream.

Then there is the other where he dreamt a whole FRESH (or so he said) commercial idea about of all thing, soy sauce. For people who knows PoWah, surely u remember the imaginary product of his PoPo Sang Chou Wong (PoPo Soy Sauce King) rite? Well, he told us everything, the plot, the music, the catchphrase of his commercial...but the funniest part was when he said, "So when I woke up, I tot 'Sei lor, could it be i am actually very gifted in the advertising field?".

Ok, let us dissect this statement. "Sei lor"? - I sense tons of sarcasm and the egoistic, thick faced side of PoWah. But it was really funny.

I passed by a florist today and remembered of a childish thing I had last time when I was really really young. I used to think that if a guy buys me a *particular* type of flower, that would be my lou gung for sure. Hm, how cute rite? Seeing that during my youngest aunty's wedding, she actually chose those same flowers for that day. This tot actually came when I see roses appearing in all romantic intended scenes of TVB dramas. Well, these dramas practically ruled that era in my life. So I tot if he could guess what flowers to give me despite me never telling him, then he must be the ONE!

Wish things are as simple as that. But now, I think flowers are really sweet stuffs to receive. Although they seem impractical, or temporary, but the sense of appreciation and surprise are always nice! I am begining to love flowers! Maybe the excess of plant related subjects lately? Maybe.

Wouldnt it be nice to receive flowers of all kinds from all around the world?
I want a Rafflesia from UK, Choo.

As we approach the ending, kindly let us remind u of our sponsor for today:
- PoPo Sang Chau Wong, Nei Jui Gai Geh Shun Zak.
- PoPo Seng Chou Wang, Ni Jui Jia De Shuen Ze.
- PauPau Sang Chiu Wong, Ngi Zui Gai Ai Shuen Zak.
- PoPo Soy Sauce King, Your Best Choice.
- PoPo Raja Kicap, Pilihan Terbaik Anda.

Cannot Click

Today I was sitting in the library, totally bored and reluctant to read up, I started searching my mind for memories. At this moment I discovered something about Steve.

There are times when he just cannot CLICK to the topic everyone else is having.
Maybe he is too into his own little world of Hikki.
Or maybe he is too into practicing his Jim Carrey antics.
Or maybe he is just Slow To Understand Possibilities in Darkness? (Baka back at u)

Here are some case studies:

1) Sometime in Sunway Lagoon, topic on our friend, Tan. Then suddenly...

Steve: Eh, u guys remember last time in primary school or not?
Everyone: Huh? What is it?
Steve: There is this the '3 Musketeers" label, remember? There were Victor, CheeSing and...

At this point, everyone was expecting him to say Tan cos the topic was on TAN. But -

Steve: Me.

There was dead silence and multiple SWEATs. Attempt to find the connection with the original topic failed.
And Choo spitted out the water in his mouth across the table.

2) In Steve's house, Chinese New Year. The topic was on Ghosts....

Someone: The toilet was actually haunted! It scared the one using the toilet so badly!
Steve: Actually, my toilet too...

At this point, I kinda froze. I don't remember whether it is cause I used the toilet earlier on. But I froze n really considered cutting ties with Steve. The atmosphere became....tense.

Steve: ...the last time an aunty of mine stepped into the toilet and looked into the toilet bowl..
Everyone: *Silence and tension*
Steve: A frog jumped out and scared her so badly!!!

SWEAT. SWEAT. SWEAT.
Where is the connection, people?
Okay, we were talking abt scary stuffs and about toilets. But, ...........Sigh.

3) Just now, MSN. We were talking about Harry Potter and then about something else. But...

*Stephen^ No Music, No Life~~ says:
u talking about the book or wat?

*Stephen^ No Music, No Life~~ says:
or u just changed the subject

hIkArI* Peter Petrellli is everywhere....? says:
changed subject la

It is a bit SWEAT-inducing at most of the times.
But, u get used to it.
I am sure Steve will deny.
And Choo will support.
But since I wrote this statement out, Choo will purposely go against me and support Steve.

This is the tangled friendship we share.

Collage of Life

Ski Trip Buzz is running high over there again! And somehow, it made memories sprinting back to me as well. A lot of people I am missing now. And the lame moments suddenly become treasures. So here are the classic shots, of some important people. Shots we are not aware of!

Such beautiful memories!

Dark Angel

But not ala Jessica Alba.

Seems like I have a bit of a bad luck aura. Elaine lost her wallet and phone in Bdr Sunway while with me and WanRu. And now, Chew Bee lost hers as well, while with...........me alone. Which led me to check again of past happenings. Steve never had a day of ease ever since getting close to me, and Choo just checked in to become a driver of mine. Oh dear, I might really be fuelling out bad luck lately!


So now I am suffering as a payback for what I did to others. I ate near 10 pm and am sleepy now. Should i give in to my inner voice or determine to battle my tummy bulge? One should always remain oneself and show you true colours. Listen to your inner voice.

I just grasped another important lesson in life. Inner voice rules.

Like my Peter Petrelli. Hoho.

Bad to Good

Bad to Good

Everything bad will come to an end. That itself is actually good enough. What more when the ending is actually something REAL GOOD?

1) My typing error skills amaze even myself. The high frequency of it, the impossible to read words, the extent of alphabet shuffling, and overall - the pathetic beauty of it. Here are a few experiments. Ok, i type this sentence in full speed.

"A frog jumped acorss a 100 metere lake and then diwe drownng in the water. Duck then eate it happilyand exploded cos of cholestorl".

Oh the embarrassment. The original sentence should be:

"A frog jumped across a 100 metre lake and then died drowning in the water. Duck then ate it happily and exploded cos of cholesterol".

Now u get the picture CLEAR i suppose. So I was trying to type "shopping" today in a sentence to describe how crazed me and Elaine were about Megasale. I ended up with "shoppig". In that very moment, I realize what a discovery it was. Instead of 'shopping', 'Shoppig' is much much more suitable. In the eye of a genius, 'shoppig' will become: Shop-Pig. Isn't it?

I am a Shop-Pig.

2) I found a good good bestest of the best of the very very excellent friend in Mr Sylar Steve today! I deny the quiz he did which showed him most similar to Hiro. Btw, it mentioned me being most similar to Peter *ahem* (Oh gosh....). It was my bad for pretending to be angry over s BIG thing, haha. So I was full on with sarcastic remarks and pretention of anger. Must have done a good job cos even the almighty prankster fell for it. The experience was so refreshing. Finally I am in the bullying role. But then despite all those he is actually such a great guy!

Found a fren through sarcasm and pretentious actions.

3) A badly planned failed trip from last year is picking up! And this time, it looks real CLOSE to coming true. REAL CLOSE. Cannot wait for it! It is like looking at the burning charcoals in a BBQ pit, with 19483 hungry people.