The contact lens battle

The Contact Lens Battle

Ever since I switched from dowdy-glasses to contact lenses - wait for it - I started becoming more appearance conscious. Not that I felt prettier though, I felt uglier.

Okay, suddenly everything, including my own reflection in the mirror, became too clear for its own good and at all times! Before that, wearing my glasses, my reflection on the mirror would look:

1) Incomplete as the glasses cover most of my face (kolot big glasses) and my eyes.

2) Blurry as my lens were almost always greasy, loaded with finger-prints.

But with contact lenses, all of a sudden, my own reflection became:

1) Too perfectly complete with the clearer eyesight and omg, nothing covering my face!

2) Clear as in every single pore and how dirty it is kinda clear.

Hence started my own little battles with my body-image *oooooohhh*

Honestly, before the appearance of the almight contact lens in my life, I was a hermit. Oh dear, did everyone know about my hermit era already? Okay fine, I was a hermit with no concern regarding my appearance. I did not think that I was ugly, I did not think that I was pretty. I was just erm, hmm, er, there. Me. Hello.

I lived through everyday wearing the same T-shirt and shorts and slippers and this impeccably 'casual' style brought me from my house's kitchen to tuition classes to the crocodile farm to the biggest supermarket in Sandakan *cue for oooooohhhh*

But then came the day when Mrs Lo thought I should start wearing contact lenses to upgrade my confidence level and help me shoot outta my hermit shell. And Hermits do not fight so it was neither a yes nor a no from me, and whee, it just happened.

See! Even my Sis has longer hair than me and appeared more like a girl than me, justice?

'Whee the trees are so green, that baby over there is so cute, the polo-bun (it was very popular back then in Sandakan, ok!) over there is selling for RM1 only, AND MY DARK CIRCLES ARE THE COLOUR OF MUM'S NESCAFE KAO KAO!' *thunder+lightning*

That was back in Form 3. Suddenly, my nose was too big, round and looked like a rotten strawberry *cue for awwwwww* (cos of the blackheads sniff). I remember telling my mum this, "Why is my nose so big?" to which she answered, "Erm, how can it suddenly be big?"

Black strawberry, the image in my mind was obviously way more hideous than this.

I was also too hairy. A fact, haha. Just that I never knew they were so damn visible to the naked eye!

After a while, I thought I was too dark. Not that I did not realize I was dark when I was wearing glasses but I just did not realize how dark I was in comparison to all the other girls in my class. Yes, I started comparing myself with others.

Then, I thought my face was too pimply and oily - I called myself a 'pepperoni pizza' *cue for awwwwww* I would glance at myself in the mirror and get frustrated about it. Well, it certainly did not help that I had an acne problem during that time. I got more frustrated when they started multiplying without my permission (duh) and that I had no control over them. I remember thinking, "This is my face! Who are you to grow all over it! ROAR" before slumping down to, "Okay. Grow all you want. I don't care anyway!" I would secretly gaze at my friend's fair and clear complexion while talking to themand my heart would tighten a bit. Sigh-sigh.

I was not fat at all during then. Seriously okay? But suddenly, I 'looked' fat! I have this 'big' tummy and 'flabby' arms and 'wide' butt. Why I had that perception still riddles me cause I was basically so skinny without trying that I had no boobs (cry me a river) and was only a mere 42 kg at my current height (wahaha, yes I did not grow at all apalah!). It started when I went to camp and shared a room with a few of the extra-skinny girls from my class. Then we were changing and one of them pointed out, "Wah, Loretta you have no waist!" Bingo, I started to have selective eyesight then.

Then it went downhill - hairy face, unruly hair, chapped lips, weirdly shaped ears, wrinkly hands, even an abnormal teeth structure.

All because of contact lenses.


But I guess it did me good.

As I aged, I became more appreciative and acceptive when it comes to appearances. I loved myself for who I was more and more each year.

Well, my nose is not as big as it seemed to be, haha maybe cause it shrank during the cold winters here!

And the hairy issue, I have always been hairy. So everyone would have known it by then and you know what, it would be even weirder and more obvious to everyone if this famous trait of mine vanished suddenly one day! Imagine being asked, "Eh, I thought you are quite hairy, where is all the hair, mate?" *in Aussie accent somemore!?* Furthermore, some reports have emerged saying that some people find hairy people 'sexy'. Omg, sexy wei. And according to reliable sources, Michelle Reis is a hairy person as well! Omg, I am like Michelle Reis wei.


The thought that I was too dark was the result of the successful collaboration between my 'comparing' and 'selective eyesight' traits. I was comparing myself to those impossible fair ones. Skin colour makes you unique, rite? I am totally okay with my skin colour rite now. I call it the colour of caramel - sweet, lovable and calorie-ladden *nyahaha*.

The pimple issue got me the worse seriously. But eventually, the hormone-raged (don't get me wrong, ngaum!) era was gone and I was back on my feet, picking up the pieces. After that I would freak out everytime I see a small pimple anywhere on my face and worry myself sick. But I have come to accepted that pimples, they are just a natural part of my body. Now, I see one, get annoyed,complain about it, resist the urge to demolish it and forget about it. Whee!

The fat issue. Despite all the complaints the whining about my weight issues, honestly I am at peace with my own body. It is not an award-winning bikini body and I still get insecure over showing my tummy area, but I do not dislike it at all. In fact, in the process of getting fat and then losing it again within these 2 years I have really enjoyed seeing the result of exercise and a healthy diet on my own body. I still have sky high confident days and down to the drain body image days. But, I'm usually happy, whoo!

After this long rambling post, I guess I must say that, body image can be a really threatening issue if not confronted and controlled. No one will ever be perfectly satisfied with their own body I guess, unless everyone wears a pair of glasses or contact lenses equipped with photoshop/airbrush function so that everyone else they see including themselves look magazine cover worthy.

But at least, be at peace with your own body, appreciate what was given uniquely to you by your parents and learn to love it.

Then life will seem better and even the sun will seem brighter - and you know what a bright sun does to pictures - wonders!


I just wanted to put this picture of me, to say - See wasn't I very extremely cute!?

Wohoho.

This 2009

'A new year always promises new beginings' - is what I have always believed in, without me realizing it.

New beginings as in changes in life, the entering of another phase, the outlook for something new, the realization of a new dream, the making of new aims/goals.

Hence, new year resolutions. Despite so, I have never been one who makes and chases after new year resolutions. After all, there is no reason to wait till a new year for one to make changes for oneself. Thus, now I think -

A new year usually brings changes due to inevitable or to a certain extent, arranged events in life (entering a new school, aging a year, etc) but we ourselves create the 'begining' thus, the 'ending' as well.

This 2009, I see major 'beginings' in my life :-) For better or worse, here I come!

Yours Truly is finally starting her career path. 2008 was a life-changing year for me - overturned my career outlook totally, found a new passion I want to build a career on. 2009 will be one I work hard on. Whenever I think of this I always see a picture:

Me in my running shoes which are slightly dirty, standing at the begining of a long and winding path of which the destination is out of sight. I see myself biting my own lips, heart beating fast, body a bit shaky nevertheless stretching and warming up for the challenge. In this picture, the sun is always shining and there are always all sorts of greens everywhere - hence a happy picture *despite the depressing stories of unemployment haha*

Being a fresh graduate, I think I can be forgiven if I am slightly too ambitious, too hopeful or expecting too much of my future? I might crash and burn, but then again, this is life I guess. Give it your all and face all that it's gonna throw back at ya!

I am really really, looking forward to how this journey is gonna be for me. Stories, both good and bad from friends of all walks of life, have always intrigued me so badly. Frankly, I couldn't wait to jump into this phase last year. It was just amazing seeing how different people could end up in all these places, achieveing something they could call their own.

And now, I shall begin this chapter of my life.

Second, my location. I have decided to stay here in Australia and have proceeded on with the relevant applications. Although the decision to stay has always seemed to be like a norm to most of those who studied over here, but when it comes to you yourself - it ends up being a huge decision after all.

All my years here, I have spent as a student. Now, deciding to stay and work over here - I feel like I am building my own life. That might be a bit exaggerative but I felt that way, really!

New life as in, a lifestyle different from what I was taught or practiced before this. Where I can venture more into independence. Where I can plan for a future different from what I previously envisioned.

I really enjoy my life here appreciating things never before in the previous 20 years of my life (omg, sounds so old). Just like what MengFai misses about this place. Although I don't know how long I can or will stay here, but I see now the kind of life I want to work towards.

Another major thing will be my family :-) The opportunity to study/ work overseas is great but there is also the great loss of not being able to see/talk/be with your loved ones for extended period of time. I must admit I have not tried hard enough last year. Despite the many phone calls to my Mum, Dad and Sis - I was rather out of touch with my Grandma, cousins and aunts/uncles.

Even with my own family who I called back to so much, I felt like they changed and it kinda breaks my heart knowing I felt so. It scares me to think of how the others have changed as well.

This new year also sees a lot of friends and neighbours moving further away due to job demands, etc. A lot of us live really close to each other as we used to study in the same uni. We saw each other graduate, settling into their first jobs, had our share of laughter and screams, BBQ-ed/hotpot-ed/cooked/hiked/road-trip-ed/movie-nighte-ed together. It makes me sad to know we willbe further apart but also happy to know they are moving on with life :-)

One important thing about 2009 is - seeing a happy begining with Mr Ray :-)

Our priorities/outlooks/ hopes/ situations in life have changed. But it was great to have grown through all of these with him. And the best thing is the thought of him still puts a smile on my face on those gloomy days when my confidence is down the drain or on days when I just have nothing better to do. 2008 was quite an interesting year, here is to a terrific 2009 :-)

***********************************

Those were not resolutions :-)

More like, revelation of what I feel this 2009. The beginings I look forward to.

My Christmas and Birthday!

I am now 22 years . . . . and 9 days old. Wheee. Sigh. Hoho. Oh no. *Quarter-life crisis?*

It really is true when they say time moves fast once you go past your 21st year. 9 days just whooooooped past me, like in a blink or half a blink! I am so not used to declaring myself as a 22 year old. . . . not yet. I shall step into Forever 21 with pride and try on all the clothes there!

This year's birthday was a blast, but a different kinda blast - homey and warm and sweet. The first time I spent it without my Dad. The first time I spent it with Ray.

Before that I forgot to tell you guys something! I attended my very first thematic party ever! Erm, days before my 21 y.o. year ended - yer, so uncool rite? For Xmas 2008, Miss Yiki was kind enough to organize a Back To School Kris Cringle Christmas Party.

The night where all the 21/22/23/24 year olds dressed up in knee-high socks, headbands, short mini skirts - utter cutesiness. I felt young again!

This was the most perfect class picture outta the whole lot! Sam (with the dog) was particularly high up in the sky, for reasons unknown!

All the girls! Limelight stealers. I mean, Back To School this theme, if it were an all boy's night, you think anyone would be interested to go?

WenJi and Me. Moments before we broke into dancing for Cyndi Wang's 'Ai Ni! *deng deng deng deng deng. . . *

Our latest hobby - pull opposing faces on camera. I am getting so good at this, I am gonna put it on my resume.

This was meant to be a shot of the beautiful Xmas tree Yiki&Co set up, but all the camwhores swoooooooooped in - thus, look at the tip of the Xmas tree la.

It was a great night. For the Kris Cringle? I got a nice teddy bear :-) Thanks to whoever chose it! And as for who I gave mine to? Use your imagination nyeh.

*****************************

December is always a month of celebrations. The best time of the year for everyone.

Cause it's a month of countdown towards my birthday. Woahohohohoho.

The celebration kicked off pretty early actually, with the first surprise cake being from my Dad and Bro Eddie while we were in Brisbane as both of them could not make it back to Melbourne with me for the actual day.

Phwoar. . . . Baskin Robbins cake - insides were strawberry ice cream - rainbow pattern - only one candle (hence no telling of age nyahaha!). It was so sweet of them!

Back in Melbourne, I was waiting for the surprise until 12.10 a.m. Don't call me 'muka tembok' for waiting for a surprise from others on my own birthday! Although Uncle Ray learnt a thing or two about surprising others, he is still bad at keeping the whole thing to himself. Either this, or I am damn smart.

So feeling weird, a tad-bit disappointed, confused and honestly, a bit malu for expecting something. Miss Lo took off her contact lenses, washed her face, changed into her pyjama, skipped the sit-ups, curled up in bed and fell asleep for 10 minutes.

Around 12.30 a.m., the surprise came. Wheee -.-"

Hence, forgive the extremely aunty looking Me in the following pictures and NO, I did not age that much in years, fashion sense, hair-style, energy level over the night! I am still the fun-loving, active, chatterbox-y, cute, optimistic and crazy 21-year-old me at heart!

Mum and Lowena were not wearing their glasses and you can see their eyes. Cher.

Ray and the cake he made. While he was fully awake, I wonder why his eyes were still so hard to find hmmm.

Everyone who came for the surprise, it was really tops! Thank you so much. Thank you for dressing up so nicely. Thank you for making me look like the maid of the house. Thank you. Thank you.

This is the hummingbird cake made by Ray. He picked the ingredients, baked, decorated and sent it over. Not bad eh? The frosting is amazing in taste, and also in expanding my waistline. Thanks so much, dear.

I mentioned how much I love Lindt Cafe in Sydney, rite? WenJi brought this cake from Lindt Cafe, Sydney all the way back. Okay, help me hold back my tears,and snot. 2008 had been a year of ups and downs, messy backyards, missing thighs/socks and watching a 24-hour McDonalds prospering opposite our house. Let's look forward to 2009 now :-)

Time for the pressies! :-)

I received this from Yiki, WenJi, Felix and WooHsian. A real nice leather bag - very WenJi, very brown haha.

Since my wallet broke, Mum got me this wallet from Esprit. It was really spacious and soft - meaning I can put in loads and it is expandable!

Sis got me this eyeliner from Shu Uemura. Speaking of which, I just noticed that this brand cannot be found in Australia, am I right? So, Lok actually brought me something RARE for my birthday!? Now this is RARE!

This is the Graduation+Birthday gift I received from Bro Eddie and Sis Leena. Exactly to be expected from the practical guy himself.

It even has my name on it!

This is another wallet I received from Ray. Nice choice I must say :-) It is a slim fit wallet. Contrary to the one my Mum gave me, this disallows me from stuffing everything and anything into my wallet. Sigh. Controlling-nya si Ray.

Olivia's gift? It is a secret!!

Thank you to all you nice people out there who left me an sms/Facebook message/ chatbox shout out wishing me a happy birthday - believe me, it got way happier because of you all!

So that's my December for you all!

Am I looking forward to more gifts? Sure yeah!

Am I busy looking for gifts for everyone back in Malaysia? Sure yeah!

Let's keep the present-giving tradition alive!

The Melby Rush

Silence. The kind which surrounds you after 3 weeks of being constantly around your noisy, nosy family. Just like the wind, they came, they annoyed, they left. And now I am missing the annoyance, sigh.

During the past 3 weeks they were here, I must admit that it was a helluva roller coaster ride - up/down, right/left, puke-inducing, etc. I was scratching my head thinking of where to bring them, googled crazy looking for directions and good restaurants, almost lost my sanity being tour guide, being frustrated then jolly and then frustrated then jolly for most of the time, screamed for fun and for real making sure everyone was happy . . . . . and totally lost my exercise and healthy eating discipline.

I am just reassembling my life again right now - back to normalcy, order and reality. Sei mou?

Despite all that, it was a trip I will always look back with a smile and silly sigh.

Our very first family portrait in a long time. Taken in front of my house before our first outing into the city. This was during SUMMER. Really. Everyone was most impressed with the tree with the purple flowers instead of the cleanliness and tidiness of the interior of the house (wasted all my sweat and time cher). Maybe it is because we have the only purple tree along the street, geng mou!

The first 3 days we spent around the city, hence PUBLIC TRANSPORT time! It must have been ages since my parents and sis have been on any buses or trains back in Malaysia while I think my cousin Ivy has never been on any of them. Now let us not forget trams (!!), impressive tour I organized eh?

Just wanted to let them have a taste of how my life is over here. E.g. freezing your butt off standing on the platform after missing a train and knowing the next one will be delayed. Everyone was curious and excited the first 2 times I think, after that, it just became a napping/stoning place for all :-)

One thing I love about the city are the street performers. They add colours and creativity to the streets.

Went to Eureka Tower for a skyhigh view of the city. Notice the picture doesn't depict anything skyhigh/cityview/etc? Well, I initially organized a healthy trip - 2 main meals being lunch and dinner and a small snack time in between for each day - but it was more than scraped when everyone complained that they were too hungry. TOO HUNGRY.

Reason? 1 - Walked too much. 2 - The day was too cold. 3 - Should try new food in new countries.

De-reason-fication. 1 - Walked only less than 2 hours with most time spent shopping. 2 - Wrapped up like a dumpling ady! 3 - Magnum ice-cream sticks are considered some kinda new food in a new country?????????

Anyway, due to this, the remaining of the trip (Reminder: 3 weeks minus day 1) spelt food, more food, more and more food.

The next day, I brought them to the bus loop to take a bus! Isn't this like a field trip? Loved seeing them kinda-panicky when validating their MetCards and nervous glances from my Mum wondering which stop to get down at. Little happiness-es in life :-)

This is the Christmas decoration in Crown Casino. Love candy-sticks, love crazy-lights, love jolly songs, love gigantic-fake presents.

Everyone really enjoyed Victoria Market. The colourful plants, crops and food of all kinds. One of my favourites - the colourful cactus plants.

The fruits and vegetables looking so healthy they shine!

The following day, we went to the Melbourne Zoo (answering my sis, Ivy and Wenji's brother, Felix's wishes but not so for my parents). But it was fun! See the picture above? It is the Thinker pose! How rare?

And the best picture of the day? Have to be this close-up shot of the Tiger. ROAR.

I love animals.

'Are You Game?' Sure yeah! I love animals even more now :-)

I loveeee this picture! It is like the poster of Infernal Affairs - the jolly, round and short version! Ho ho ho.

After days in the city and my graduation (both extremely taxing!), we went back to nature ~ Orchards, farms and wineries!

Pak Ramli suka berkebun di kebun raspberry-nya.

This is the Warratina Lavender Farm and the air really smells of perfume, girlish-ness, sisterhood - or to the less sentimental, it smells like toilet. Well, obviously toilets smell of lavender only because we put lavender-infused everythings into our toilets!

See, sisterly love xoxo. We look so very much alike, right?

Pak Ramli juga suka berkebun di kebun nectarine-nya.

Heading to BlueHills for Cherry Picking - see the horrified look. I was foreseeing the amount my Dad would gobble up while picking.

Doesn't this look like a mistletoe? 'Mistletoe'. . .

I was trying to emulate a serene Greek Goddess. And I succeeded. Yes oh I so did.

The picture explains all :-)

The next day, we were in for the BIG one - Great Ocean Road - my mum's favourite motion sickness journey. The picture above was taken during one of our pit stops in Geelong. A pit stop which became a huge breakfast fest of pancakes, big Aussie breakfasts and chocolate mudcakes. Don't you just love the ruby blue glistening water?

Another family shot under the blue skies, in front of the blue sea.

Creative Pak Raymond decided we should take another picture similar to our first ever picture together which was taken around Great Ocean Road as well. Two and a half years on, ooops, sorry in case there are some of you who processes time in round numbers, lemme rephrase - two years on:

I look slimmer, poses less cheesily and am still similar in height.

He looks chunkier, poses more cheesily and 'looks' taller.

I love going to Great Ocean Road. The drive, the sceneries, the walking around, the sound of the waves, the surfers in action, the stories behind.

One of my favourite stops is definitely the Loch Arc Gorge - like a hidden paradise.

Following my sis's suggestion to give the smouldering look. Before and After. Not much difference also, ceh.

A bonus for that day? Seeing wild koalas and they were not sleeping!!! . . . . but eating.

If only I were a koala - to be considered uber-cute when I continue sleeping and eating while I am chubby.

Next stop - BRISBANE!