From Malaysia

From Malaysia

I have been back here in Melby for almost a week now. A very fast and furious week.

It has been a while since I have wanted to reminisce a bit about my trip back to Malaysia this time.

Every single year, ever since starting pre-U, I have had the privilege to travel back to Sandakan from KL and the year I was in Aussie, the privilege to travel back to Sandakan at the end of the year. Airasia was there supporting me all the way since pre-U.

Every trip back would be filled with food, attention, fun, attention, play, attention, friends, attention and attention again. It was always just a matter of playing the time away and starting the next year with the clear outlook of passing all units for the year in uni.

Meeting family members: them asking me how school was treating me, to be careful of snatch-thefts in KL, positively commenting on my weight gain, receiving ang paus from them, kissing their asses. . . kinda *wink*

Meeting old friends: them asking how school was treating me, what course I was taking, how was the course's workload, gossiping about the whole world, yum-cha sessions, reminiscing on old high school stories/rumors.

The break always passes by really quickly and the cycle continues.

But this trip back to Malaysia - this break - was the ending of the cycle.

I see this like eating a piece of muruku. As you bite along the coiled muruku, going in circles, and finally you reach the last bite - you suddenly realize - okay, what should I eat now or should I eat, then if not, what should I do?

Of course, one could continue on eating a muruku, one after another, but surely, one must grow jelak or too fat to eat anymore muruku.

I could see big things - changes - in store for me after the break.

I am no longer a student with a syllabus to fulfill.
I am no longer staying with my family with dinner prepared for me every night.
I am no longer residing in Malaysia where my rojak language rules.
I am no longer a child with no responsibilities or aims in life.

But, what I am to be, I still am not sure.

Hence, this break was for realization and after said break - which means now - is the time I find out.

It would have been more interesting had I adorned with pictures this post about my trip back to Malaysia. But honestly, this is how I really feel. And words, definitely portrays my feelings better.

Conversations throughout my life

Trademark themes in conversations throughout my life

"Kah ah, I tell you to eat ah!" "Kah Kah, you are so cute just like a little doll!"

"I don't friend you" "I pretend to friend you only"

". . . .hermit. . . hermit. . . ."

"We all join Army Camp together!" "Damn it, HE made us join this Army Camp and went vacationing in Hong Kong!"

"Hey, I think he likes her, definitely la" "Wah, he is damn good looking!"

"You going to A-Level or MUFY one?" "Choo you said MUFY why suddenly A-Level one!?"

"Biotech ah, a lot of pretty girls, you sure you can join?" "Engineering all guys one you know!"

"Hi, I am Loretta, so you are from CIMP?" "Eh, how can this report be due in 4 days' time?"

"G'Day, my name is Loretta and I am from Malaysia. How about you?" "You shy, I shy, then how?" "INSTANTLY - INSPIRATION REVIVED!"

"Lo, are you one a diet again? Fat? Where got! Er, a bit only la" "Sigh, so Master or working our butts off?"

"G'Day, so we don't have any semester breaks for this course?" "If I can get through September/October/November, I get through the course"

"So got a job already?" "The economy nowadays is so damn good that the jobmarket is flourishing like mad, right on!"

. . . so what else anyone wanna chip in now?

'Family'

'Family'

I chanced upon this song while shopping around Megamall the other day. This part caught my attention: No matter what you do, Lean on me, After all we're family.

I really think family is an incredible thing to have.

To be physically related to these people.
To share a bond or unique trait as them.

It drives you to think, "Why not the other billions of people in this world?"

I have read something along these lines in a Haruki Murakami book - You do not get to choose the family you are born into but you get to choose who to build a family with.

So the family I currently have, my parents and my sister - it was fate that brought us together. But it will be ourselves which will drive us apart - this latter part I came to realize on my own.

It is great to be able to talk like the old times with my family. Be it inside jokes, century-old stories, celebrity gossips or mere grunts - the reassurance that you are still connected is more than words.

It is sad to be physically close to your family but yet not exchange a single word or eye contact. Be it distraction, lack of appreciation or simply taking for granted - the disappointment makes you question the future.

FAMILY.

I think, a lot of us do take this word for granted. But come to think of it, this is just a 'word' or at best, it describes physical relations. Whatever deeper meaning to this word, really depends on one's action or appreciation.

Maybe it is cause I have just turned 22 years old.
Maybe it is cause I will be returning to Melbourne soon.
Maybe it is cause I failed to meet everyone in my family.
Maybe it is cause I felt I have drifted apart from someone close in my family.
Maybe it is cause I never expected that to happen.

I realized -

I have my family here with me because, everyone is working hard to add meaning to the word 'family' in our dictionaries.

I am sure those who are not, will slowly drift away, like a tiny piece of puzzle from our family - lost forever for no apparent reason.

Begining in CNY

Begining in CNY

I am enjoying the moment, with a seaweed mask and total relaxation - after a series of days filled with mahjong, rummy, poker, cuisine, home cooked meals, soft drinks, talking loudly, laughing uglily and cramming with a total of 8 family members at our little condo unit in Sunway :-)

Chinese New Year is always the time for reunions, and ironically, separation (at least, by the end of reunions).

This year, some family members came over to KL since my family did not return to Sandakan. Despite the less humongous number of people to visit and catch up with, it was all good :-)

With Dad, it was:

hello to house-design obsession and healthy eating.

reunion with suppers and golf channel.

bye-bye to sloppiness in his room and wearing less than flattering shorts around the living room (with Mum being there 24-7 now)

With Mum, it was:

hello to roundness, 12-am cookies session and a reasonably smaller wardrobe space.

reunion with "clean up the toilet!", early morning gossip phone calls with my YiMa.

bye-bye to treadmill habit and the old fibre rule for fitness of hers!

With Sis, it was:

hello to 24-7 sms-ing, totally made-up her (grown up wei!) and platform heels totting her!?

reunion with mood swings, crappy jokes which I 'despise' *ahem*, morning sleep-ins.

bye-bye to late night chats and . . . . . quality time?

With YiMa, it was:

hello to yoga-obsession, a slim body and sms-ing!

reunion with closed eyes in pictures, her extreme love of pampering herself and infectious laughter.

bye-bye to gluttony-eating (most of the time) and Rummy-skills/luck!

With Aunt Bing, it was:

hello to nice skin and bombastic hair!

reunion with her extreme gossiping skills and early morning wailing of "Choo, wake up/ shower/ etc!"

bye-bye to moodiness and heavy eyeliner habit!

With Grandma, it was:

hello to fashionable tops and her behaviour at my 'friend' (as called by her).

reunion with home cooked exquisite dishes (wild boar meat/ sweet n sour duck) and loving touch.

bye-bye to . . . .fights with my Grandpa? Not much actually!

With cousin Choo Choo, it was:

hello to the sudden increase in height.

reunion with her chatterbox characteristic, lack of teeth, her fondness of sticking to me.

bye-bye to baby fat, quietness and shyness.

With Amanda, it was:

hello to permed hair and made-up her!

reunion with her panicky trait and high-pitched voice :-)

bye-bye to report-writing-grumpiness.

With Cheryl, it was:

hello to a coupled up Cheryl!

reunion with her professor-like voice and SLIMness.

bye-bye to shyness about relationships!

With Su-ee, it was:

hello to miniskirts/ girly tops and HUGE eyes!

reunion with her brand of sense of humour and various unique perspectives on things :-)

bye-bye to sciencey-geekiness!

With Mel, it was:

hello to Mel's voice (MSN all the way before that!)

reunion with her slightly shift when shy eyes!

bye-bye to nothing (first meeting between us!)

It was just a year.

But so much changed.

Not big changes for some.

But if one pays enough attention and care enough, it can be seen through.

Chinese New Year marks the begining of another year. It can be viewed as a marathon with the next CNY being the end point. During this period, we live, we love, we battle, we win, we lose - ultimately, we change. Instead of CNY being a time for evaluation of an individual, I prefer thinking of it as a time for one to remain grounded - by being close to people.

Fashion Criminal History

Fashion Criminal history

Chinese New Year is not only a time for food, fun, healthy-mahjong sessions, gossiping.

It is definitely a time for fashion, especially for the ladies.

Come on, you must admit this! Girls, you do 'evaluate' how your peers are doing. Guys, do I even need to elaborate on this?

After all, it is just natural since everyone is getting new clothes and everyone wants to look their very best given CNY is usually the only time when old friends reunite and family members gather.

You don't want the pony-tail girl from the next class you disliked jeering at your outfit or your Third-Aunty telling you off for the lack of length of your skirt. Right?

But being human, I guess everyone must have committed some fashion crime. Well, even the celebrities do, so what more us mere mortals? After watching Style Star on E! Channel and walking through Sunway Pyramid only to see hordes of teenagers in different styles, I am so inspired to talk about my own fashion crimes - my numerous memorable if not disastrously unforgotten first times.

Okay, all girls want to look pretty no matter how they deny it. I think I started feeling concious of my appearance when I was in Form 2? But I really started 'helping' myself in the looks department only by Form 4 I think. Woot!

One of the biggest crime I committed must be tucking in my T-shirts to my high waisted shorts and feeling proud of it (this is the cringe-worthy part). Okay, everyone was not doing that by then but hey(!!) I was trying to make a statement! Fashion rebel, ever heard of this? And credit to Mrs Lo for telling me that I actually looked 'special'. Cher, I wonder 'special' in what context!

I permed my hair for the first time right after SPM. Erm, I thought it looked great. But then I started over-styling. Mousse-overload, wax-overload, gloss-overload. Still it did not look like Jennifer Aniston's hair. What was wrong?!? This was a hard lesson to learn. And a long and painful one. Cause I spent Semester 1 of MUFY wearing a greasy, fixed-to-the-scalp, bowl of curly hair to college every single day.

High heels. Bitter during my first wear. Wore them out for lunch with my Dad, to practice before having to wear them for my English presentation during MUFY. Out of all days, Dad chose to go to near the Istana to eat ikan bakar. I was walking like a crab on stilts. Not stylish at all. Borderline funny, and let me add cute to neutralize the negative picture in your mind. . .

I got my first colour-eyeshadow during First Year in uni. Before that, I barely put on any make up so getting a colour eye shadow was a BIG jump! And to officialize this BIG leap, I decided to to do it the extravagant way and got a turquoise shade! Turquiose, you know, turquoise! And I said extravagant cause it really was - I put it on my lids thick and up till my eyebrows - like a billboard for PEPSI. I swear the Professor-who-shall-not-be-named thought I was in his office to seduce him for higher grades! It is not funny, I could've got kicked outta Monash you know!

The turquoise eye shadow disappeared forever. Then came my very first dark eyeshadow during Second Year in uni. Smoky eyes - how sultry, sexy, versatile, eh? Well, not when you over-apply it during the day. A friend actually asked whether my eyes were alrite. Sweat. Kena punched, would I still be eating happily in the cafeteria while fluttering my eyelashes thinking everyone must be thinking I was positively hot on that day?! I am still using the same dark eyeshadow - it really is versatile. But I am using it wisely now. Less is always more :-)

There was a time when I was crazy about the messy hair look. You know, the type Aussies always wear - messy ponytail. Well, I think I got a bit too crazy and my hair a bit too messy. An aunt asked, 'Was the wind really that strong outside?' Sigh.

My Mum started a small fashion retail store two years ago. I got a bit obsessed with accessories and ended up getting high on accessorizing all the time. In a nutshell, I was over-accessorized. I think for a few occassions, I resembled a walking Xmas tree - two necklaces, some bangles and maybe a ring or some earrings. Spread the joy, folks.

Before returning to Melby for my Master, I went to get a different hair colour. This time, the hairdresser was high on colouring and I ended up with at least two shades lighter than what I wanted. It was near CNY as well, and as I looked at myself in the mirror I could only think of - Taiwan mandarins. Big, ORANGE, puffy, ORANGE, shiny, ORANGE. I changed it straight away and kept a photo as a memento.

Those are my top crimes! I msut have committed far more, but I am getting sleepy and too guilty to write anymore. Convict me! Punish me! . . . .with a new wardrobe full of designer clothes. Speaking of which, I got a whole wardrobe of new stuffs, fresh and cheap, from Thailand. I must blog about this place I have been shopping at over there! IT is becoming like an annual trip thing for Me and WenJi!

*******

In a totally unrelated note, people sometimes ask me why I write so much since there doesn't seem to be a lot of people reading (okay la, no one comments or anything, sulk). Hmm, I think the answer is:

I am writing for myself. My own enjoyment.

Although it would be great if others enjoy it as well!

Ultimately, I am happy doing this hence I am!

Can I call this homesick?

Can I Call This Homesick?


I am just back from Thailand :-)

Geographical difference can really make one feel . . . .different? Well, one might say that it is just a matter of distance, or location or even timezone, but seriously, can one really be that indifferent towards culture, language, lifestyle and traditions unique to each place?

Having returned to Malaysia where I am given the constant attention of family members) from Melbourne where I have lived in autonomy akin to a gypsy (?) and went to Bangkok where I spent the whole of 3 days with friends and my sister doing nothing but shop, I must say, I am feeling a bit nostalgic. Towards what?

My life in Melbourne.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family here in KL and I love shopping trips to Bangkok - but there is just something different about Melbourne.

I had a feeling I'd be feeling this way, hence I kinda made a mini-documentary of my last few days in Melbourne.


I love the sunshine on my face in Melbourne especially when the air is cool inside the house. And people scurry to the only spot of sunlight :-)

I miss running downstairs to open the front door and step out to feel the weather. Don't let the glaring sun fool you into believing it to be a perfect day for shorts :-) I remember WenJi stepping out in shorts only to be greeted by a hailstorm within minutes.

This is a snapshot of what Me and Ray had for a 'light' lunch at Lazy Moe's. The humongous portions there never fail to amuse me. I am a carnivore :-) That was just too drool-worthy.

I love dressing up for the weather, for the event, for the location, for the fun of it! To think of a theme or an image, to decide on a coat or a scarf or maybe the boots with knee-high socks? This particular picture:

The weather? It was 23 C in the morning, 34 C in the afternoon, 20 C at night.

The event? House inspection haha.

The location? Murumbeena, my first time over there!

The fun of it? IT JUST IS.

Lately, I am enjoying watching how my friends have grown into different personalities. How each of them are building a life of their own as a first generation in Melbourne - getting a job, obtaining their PRs, managing their own car, moving to a new suburbs. I wonder how things will be in a few years' time?

I heart the desserts over there as well. From Japanese cream puffs (pictured) to pancakes galore. Mmm-mmm.

There are so many small, cosy, well-hidden restaurants all around Melbourne. I love the fact that they are not so flashy, publicized or crowded. They are able to preserve their tradition, their uniqueness and their surprises :-) Like this little place called Rose Garden near Victoria Market - it was nothing extravagant really, but oh it was so home-y. It even used the same cheap IKEA spoons we use at home!

I enjoy travelling on trains with ease, in comfort with my loyal MP3 player.

I also love looking out of the bus window and yelling 'thank you' to the bus driver while getting off.

And I absolutely enjoy walking, everywhere. To the bus stops, to the gym, to the stores, as a jog.

Walking, buses, trains. They seem like normal things one can do just anywhere. But certainly not happily all the time. What makes it so different in Melbourne?

The fresh air.

The organized public transport system.

The helpful and polite people.

The comfortable journey.

The scenery.

The people-watching.

It might seem to be insignificant, but it is a luxury to me as it is definitely not something one can do anywhere in the world. I know I never did it when I stayed in Malaysia and will never do it in Bangkok!

I enjoy spending time at the bus stop - just listening to the music, unwinding, and relax. Cause it means I did not miss the bus as well!

One thing I enjoy the most? Doing my own groceries :-) Thinking of what dishes to cook or experiment with. Getting the occassional treat (which are usually on specials) for hot summer days or cold winter nights! Suffering the consequences of forgetting to buy toilet rolls :-(

It is seriously fun to stroll along all the aisles in Coles - getting my Vanilla flavoured soymilk, updating my inventory of cereals, deciding on which vegetable to buy, etc. Sounds a bit too domestic or aunty-ish to you?

But, it is not something everyone can do, isn't it?

I love living so close to everyone in Melbourne. I can always hop to Daniel's house for his PS2, walk to Amy's house for pot-luck, stroll leisurely to the gym and not forgetting, always going to Ray's place for MarioKart, help him with his gardening or catching LiLet's rabbits which he is currently helping to bunnysit. See the picture of me wearing his over-sized slippers?

I enjoy the fashion there as well! They have a distinctive style. Hmmm, think faded denim, high waisted skirts, cream coloured sleeveless tops, bikinis and surfwear. The picture above is not the best description of fashion. . . . I am aware of that!

I love the penguins there though. . .

This last picture shows a decorative plate in the shape of a cat, nailed onto the top of a small porch-like thing built by Ray's housemate. He constructed the whole backyard into a small garden with wooden benches, bulbs like tulips, etc. And he has a pet cat called FuFu.

Sigh. . . I am missing my life in Melbourne.

Time travel

This is so surreal.

I was lying down on the carpet in Marshall yesterday morning.
I am sitting at the desk in Sunway right now.
I will be strolling around Bangkok tomorrow.

I met with Choo who was leaving for the UK at KLIA yesterday night.
I saw the same promoter as a year ago in Parkson today.
I am going to meet Kat and Ji whom I spent a week with in Thailand last year tomorrow.

I had a Malaysian meal on MAS yesterday.
I had a Vietnamese meal in Sunway today.
I might be having Japanese in Bangkok tomorrow.

I met angmohs and heard loadsa 'thank you's' and 'please's' yesterday.
I met Malaysians in Sunway Pyramid but no 'terima kasih's' or 'tolong's' today.
I am going to meet a lot of Thai's and get some 'koppungka's' tomorrow.

Surreal.

With the advancement and increased ease of travelling, we are able to go to more places, meet more people, appreciate more about cultures, learn more each country: explore the world.

Sometimes I feel like I am time-travelling. In the end, the travel part is just in a geographical sense. But by being where you once spent your life at or by being at a whole new place, somehow, it feels like I have gone back to the past or have stepped into the future, respectively.

My painful love ifction

My painful love fiction

Love can be as beautiful and also as painful as you can imagine. But what is the most painful love of all?

Being in fictional love story with a fictional character.

Why? Why? Why? . . . am I destined to suffer from this all the time?

Exploring this side of me has brought me painful memories and reminded me of my turbulent one-sided love story.

Why is this the most painful love of all?

1) It is always one-sided.

2) Or worse, when your love always have met their love of a lifetime.

3) He doesn't know you or will even know you.

4) You can never exist in the same world.

5) You can never communicate!

6) You have to imagine what it is like touching/smelling/seeing/stalking/etc him!

This last fact applies to absolutely fictional characters -

7) When their movie/game/etc is out of trend, you can't even stalk him on the internet to keep up with his professional development (ahem) or be a part of his life (ahem ahem) as the publishers have stopped investing in him *HORROR!!*

But by going through this painful story, I realized how true the saying is - "You learn something new about yourself from every relationship so it is never a waste of time or effort".

*****************

This story dates back to when I was around 7 years old - the awakening of love, burning first love inside me!

My first love was Mamoru Chiba's alter ego - the very dashing Tuxedo Mask from Sailormoon! I was so omg-ly in love with him that I started drawing him and *scrap Sailormoon* and put in ME (!!) together all the time muaks. But of course, his love story with Sailormoon grew stronger than ever and then suddenly out came a daughter and a kingdom he built with Sailormoon, so in the end, it kinda went blah.

My first love gave me the hobby of drawing manga and fantasizing in my own sweet time. I became girly, and my Mum was thankful.

My second love was a Tuxedo Mask look-a-like, I got a type when it comes to crushes you see! He is always the lead, bravest, hebat-est, strongest, most handsome character of all. If there were two of such characters, then my fantasies would move on to become one where I was involved in a love triangle with them. And of course, it would depict them fighting for me nyahahaha!

His name is Tamahome from Fushigi Yuugi oooh. He always appeared at the very last minute and saved everyone while sacrificing himself *sniff*. How to not like, I ask you. Anyway, his love story with Miaka *chiu* became too bizarre and I was going 'AAaaAAaaAA' from the story (I believe only my Sis would understand this description). So I moved on with a dented heart as I realised that 'simplicity is always the best'.

My third love would be the very first time I deviated from a fictional character, well although, the whole love affair was as fictional as you want it to be. But hey, I seriously seriously still believe that love can bring any two individuals together okay?! So, I loved Lee Brennan from 911. Questions? *Roar*

But man, I seriously was head over heels with him. From the tongue sticking action when water was poured onto him at the end of the 'Don't Make Me Wait' MV, the super boy-ish looks and playful voice of his. In fact, I secretly wrote his name on the tag of my bolster at that time and hugged the bolster to sleep every night. Aaa....childhood memories. Swwweeeettt! Then I started buying lotsa UK gossip magazines (Smash Hits, Top of the Pops, etc) and tremendously improved my English! Educational wei.


This is another Loretta-typo-guy: Sendoh. Wasn't really that big of a crush but I recorded an episode of Slam Dunk which described him as a hero among Japan basketball players and replayed it over and over again - until the tape got lost. But Sendoh made me take up basketball (for less than 1 month) and learn how to draw deliciously defined biceps :-) Sigh, wasn't too sad as my next love interest rocked me outta my socks, man!

My very first blonde investment. Not only that, he was a bad boy *lip-smacking* A gun-totting, cool and violent swearing machine and he is a (what?) monk! Don't you just love the cliche? Not to mention his sad story and purple eyes. Sanzo-sama (calling him Master muaks). What did I get outta Sanzo? My girlishness was somehow kinda gone. And, learnt loadsa meaningful quotes from him mainly about survival and the crude truth of what one has to do to survive.


My very next love interest would be the first very publicized one. Erm, come on now together my high school chums - Shane Westlife! Yeah. I liked Nicky at first and said that Shane looked like a wrinkly old man but like I said, love is a funny thing. I heard Shane's voice (and Nicky never opened his mouth T.T) and melted inside out. I loved his personality, his voice, his down to earth nature, his immense popularity, his Shane-ness (aka your highness style). This went on for 2 years I think.

Being publicised, I endured a lot of hardship from the negative gossips surrounding him to the 'Shane is gay!' stupid comment from Choo. So hard. I even thoughtof getting a sweater for him and send it over okay? Er, when I was in Form 2 la. Despite my love, this wasn't as hard as his popularity in Malaysia made it so easyto keep track with what he is doing, drool at new pictures and talk to friends like forever about him. I learnt to sing with some sorta tremble in my voice due to hours of practice with my Sis in the car and I could understand the Irish accent quite well. He is from Ireland, duh. Dia duit!

This marks the begining of a whole new chapter in my love story. He is not the main one, but omg, he shall bring me to my utmost desire and pain in the future. Squall Leonhart, my first Final Fantasy *oo, fantasy** heart throb. Gunblade, gloomy nature, and damn-it a cool looking scar! I teared up watching the ending of the game and flowers bloomed in my heart when 'Eyes on Me' played in the game.

Then I bought a big poster of him, bought a Griever keychain which weighted like 1 kg and hung it around my neck, insisted my class make a life-size gunblade for the class play just so that we could kill Eric's character with it while I keep the gunblade. I even cosplayed as Rinoa at home with my Sis, nyahaha. With Squall, I learnt about the miracles and joy games can bring to one's life.

Then I had a mini-crush on Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7. Neh, just a mini one.

This is another super publicized one and controversial as well seeing how the majority of my friends do not recognise my feelings for him or his talent *bleh*! Another major turning point seeing how he is so very different from Shane! Teruhiko Kobashi *oooooh lala* is full of energy, voice is imperfect by earnest, nonchalant but elegant and powerful as he commands the stage. Stop me, please. I started learning Japanese because of him and learnt that the best way to treat a sleepless night is to create love stories in your mind involving you and the special him!

Whee, here comes Tidus. The first time I turned on my my Final Fantasy X soundtrack and heard his voice, I knew it was love at first hearing. Goosebumps. Loved every bit of him in fact I spent the left over exam times during Semester 2 of Form 5 drawing him sliding down a rope, to save of course :-) I learnt that PS2 brings joy to your life, so people should love the Playstation franchise :-)

Things were calm for a while as I focused on Teru for a long long time. Then a dashing young man entered my life, my Mr Darcy. Can anyone really not love him? After that, I indulged in my Hero(es) Mr Peter Petrelli. But he went for a cheerleader la, younger than me lagi. Cis itu.

Things were blah for a while then suddenly without warning, I was swept away in love by my ex.

Since when did Cloud Strife become so positively hot and tempting?

The sad but strong puppy dog blue eyes. The imperfect but determined personality. The perfect hair for all ocassions. The silent battle he fights. The love of my life, omg.



I am seriously suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms after watching Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children and playing Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core did not help!

Yes, I am suffering rite not. Without a constant supply of Cloud Strife from SquareEnix, I am struggling to see the light. I cannot live on repeated YouTube videos of him, the same old pictures and not knowing how he is doing rite now!!!! Is he suffering? Is he happy? Is he well?

Can you see, my friends?

This is really the most painful form of love. And to those of you who are thinking, "Walau, otaku tuuuu!", I am sorry you could not understand. But to those few of you who are nodding in agreement, hold back your tears and always remember, I am here with you and we shall see this through together.

Love sighhhhhhhhhhhh.

My family 2009

My family 2009

To tell you the truth, I have never stayed together with everyone in my family before.

From ever since I could remember, Dad has been working elsewhere while I stayed in Sandakan with my Mum and Sis along with members of my extended family. This went on until college when I moved over to KL to stay with Dad while Mum and Sis stayed back. The plan was for them to move over to KL as soon as my Sis completes her secondary school years. Unfortunately, that very year, I decided to come over to Aussie for my Master degree.

Hence, I have never really stayed with everyone before in my family.

And, I have never stayed with both my parents before.

What brought about this realisation? The family trip to Melbourne in December.

There were a few occassions where I found myself thinking to myself, "This isn't like my family."

It's not particularly sad or regretful or depressing, at least to me. My heart just quivers for a split second.

I guess that is the sort of trade-off you get for every decision made. I decided to come over here, be apart from them. So it is just natural for them to have changed and for me to not have observed all of these changes.

Like when Steve got surprised when a deep voice greeted him when he called back before knowing it was his little brother on the phone. Funny little incidents.

Like when I got surprised knowing Choo got a girlfriend. Miraculous, huge incidents!

I remembered thinking:

Since when did Dad become so grumpy?

Since when did they eat fruits before dinner?

Since when did they squabble so much?

Do they even realize I feel left-out?

Again, the feeling is not sad nor anger, more like.....a sort of weird sourness.

Despite how close you are in blood or in bond, people change, don't they?

Someone you have been with all your life.

Someone you thought you knew.

Someone you call your family or soulmate.

I guess everyone is just following their course of life, chasing their goals and travelling on different paths so to have changed - is just a natural part of it. Nothing bad about it.

In fact, on a happier note, isn't it interesting and exciting to see how a person become what he is to become one day? I am excited for you!

Another 4 days until I return to KL, and it makes me wonder how things actually are back there. Hmmmmmmm.

the 2.5

The 2.5

2.5 can mean a lot of things:

- kgs I lost in 6 months time.
- cm of hair growing past my eyebrow.
- slices of bread I ate for lunch.
- episode of 'At Home Dad' I watched today.
- degree Celcius in change of temperature to be expected tomorrow.
- number or job application I have composed.
- nails I have bitten in the afternoon.
- extra kgs I used for weight training today.

Today 2.5 means:

- everything happy :-)

And when I am happy, I get high on romanticism:-


The Sky Theme for FFX.



Steve do not click on this!