When you are disappointed, here here.

Disappointment was the main theme of my last week. Along with lethargy, disinterested-ness, social-outcasting-ing and excuses to sleep.

There was so much to be disappointed about last week.
Actually, no.
There is always so much to be disappointed about.

The lack of job security after months of floating in uncertainty.

The absence of financial stability leading to part-time/casual jobs here there everywhere.

The friends who, by heart or by mistake, hurt you in ways big or small.

The figure that seems to be losing the winter expansion battle.

The old friends who do not seem to remember to talk anymore.

The boyfriend who seems more interested in YouTube on your gloomiest day.

The future which seems like it is going nowhere.

The dinner that tasted less salty as it should have been.

The blog which seems as much of a deadspace as I-don't-even-know-what.

It is true that there is so much to be disappointed about all the time.
But at the same time, there is so much you can do to not dwell in disappointment.

People always say how nice/true relationships are when we were young, when we would show all our emotions without holding back. Loving, crying, fighting to loving, crying, fighting - in a cycle - to the fullest. Now, we approach each of them - loving, crying, fighting - with caution. Thinking before we act.

It is not a matter of being insincere or being less innocent. We are just more educated/experienced. We know how such actions could potentially hurt others and damage relationships.

Fans were disappointed when Michael Jackson was linked to the much publicised controversies in the later part of his life. I bet Michael Jackson was disappointed as well at how his fans and the media responsed towards him.

The difference between now and then is - Michael Jackson is no longer with us.

All that disappointment claimed by his fans is now regret and guilt.

The truth is, we can all be disappointed at everything in this world at any point of our life. We can blame everyone else for every single bit of this disappointment.

But call me fake, call me insincere - I would prefer to act indifferent towards disappointment. Or if I am strong enough, even avoid being disappointed. I would prefer talking things through despite how hard it is to hold back my tears, numbing my senses or hardening my heart towards emotions, taking a step back to prevent an uglier ending and upholding my pride and dignity to live as me, myself and I.

All just because, I would wanna maintain these friendships, build this relationship and most importantly, to continue believing in people.

A momentary act of rudeness, arrogance, selfishness or just blind fury/jealousy can easily cost you little things in life that are always so significant with regards to regret and guilt. As imperfect as I am, this is the one thing I would like to practice and excel at.

There is so much disappointment only when you allow yourself to be disappointed.

Breath a sigh. Close your eyes. Smile for yourself.

There is so much to be happy about in life.

The speck on sunshine on a gloomy day.

The messy hair sported by the punky girl at the train station.

The hot guy who 'accidentally' held the small of your back while breathing a 'hi' near your ear in a not-that-packed train.

The Betty-Crocker Cake Mix on sale at Coles.

The rumor that Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper are an item.

The new trick to eat Tim Tam called Tim Tam Slam.

The fact that your period is here and bringing away all signs of bloatiness.

The invitation to shopping-at-DFO by girlfriends.

The phonecall from your Mum asking you not to eat pork in fear of H1N1.

If there are a million things to complain about in a day, there must be at least one thing to smile about as well. And after remembering the one thing, I am sure another a million and one thing would flow in.