Grey

I fell in love with grey.

Last Sunday marked the first day I tried colour contact lenses. I had always dreaded trying colour contact lens due to the mere fact that I was afraid other people would not recognize me without colour lenses. The very same reasons I dreaded trying make-up and colouring my very many years go (obviously this changed!).

I tried the colour grey - as it is closest to black and I am chicken like that.

I have been very disappointed for the past two times when I wore pupil enlarging lenses and NO ONE noticed! They noticed another friend wearing them but not ME! So I was determined to make them notice this time!

But point here is, I was hanging out with Ray only the whole day and he is the most unattentive when it comes to these things. So how?

Take loads of pictures and tell it to his face lorrrr.

I loved the effect of colour lenses. Honestly, the effect is WOW.

I immediately thought I looked prettier! Fairer! Thinner! More toned! . . . . really.

And no matter what I did with my hair, I thought it looked shinier! Softer! . . . . honestly.

I lurrrvveeee colour lenses.

But instead of going all out and wearing them every day, I kiam-siap-ed. And have grown to only look at them longingly.

I decided 9 am that morning that grey was MY colour.

And took pictures of mostly myself in that very hour while being holed up in my room.

Even my cardigan was grey~

The day could not have been brighter and happier. I mean, an instant solution to feeling extra fabulous, toned, fit with shinier hair in a one-stop solution - the almighty colour lens.

What more, stumbling upn my favourite Malay kuih! The last time I had these green deliciousness was 2 years ago in Malaysia and the inti was burnt! So imagine sinking my whiter teeth (effect of the colour lenses) into these green little tender buns and feeling the sugary rush seep into the space of happiness in yourself.

I couldn't have been a better day of grey when I took a picture of myself looking very petite and lady-like with Ray.

And also a very clear picture of an obediently sitting Shiro.

All the good things happened of which I attributed to the power of my new-found grey eyes.

But who would have thought, a smiling smug picture like this one below in my camera's memory card would be followed by a picture like the one further below?

I guess as beautiful as the colour grey is, it still haunts of gloom and despair.

It really isn't the fault of the contact lenses. The way you view the world is filtered by your emotions - not something spoken of in science but definitely proven in every other way. If the emotion is sadness, then all other colours fade into the shade of grey.

It is so funny how one can be totally happy and then utterly sad so quickly.

Even things which usually fills your life with colours - be it people, laughter, chatterings, animals, nature - fall victim to this emotional filter in life.

As if natural, all things assume the colour of grey and fade into the background as negative memories and emotions surface.

It takes time for colours to fill in.

During these times when the most breath taking view doesn't excite and the most beautiful music doesn't touch, you have only yourself, your faith in this life and your determination to see it through.

Tears, for one, is an amazing source of relief. To be able to let your guards down and not force yourself to put up a front - at least for that very minute - can be your one and only cure. It seems to as if cleanse your insecurities, sadness and fear away. Making you feel all vulnerable but strong again right after.

And the sunset becomes beautiful again.

As the colours came back into my life, I felt a sense of achievement of having struggled my way out of the colour of disappointment and insecurities - greyness. Although I know I will somehow find myself stepping into this same mess again and again, at the end of the day the most important part is knowing how to get back up and live to see the next sunset.

Grey was a good colour for my eyes.

Grey is also the loose translation for the name of my favourite band.

But there comes a point where I need to stop it from infecting too much of my life.

I need my colours and I will fight to bring them back one by one into my life.

So what if my whole world is grey right now? It was grey before and I won the fight. This is just another battle I will win.