The picture

I am at a very exciting phase in life right now.

Sometimes exhilirating.

Sometimes daunting.

A little bit confusing

A little bit scary.

Extremely exciting.

Extremely gratifying.

The truth is sometimes a picture really does paint a thousand, no million words.

Can you see me beaming in joy?

I don't usually emo

I have been emo-ing the whole day.

I am never one to emo too much. Whenever I find myself down, slightly depressed or hopeless in anyway, I would go out of my way and make sure I pick myself up.

I just don't like to picture myself as someone who is constantly gloomy or worrysome. I want to radiate (or at least try to do so) positivity, energy and excitement.

I am saying that I try to, not that I do all the time.
But I guess you and I know that it is impossible to be a bright little ball of sunshine all the time.

The key here is to find and grow the energy in you, that very little drop sunshine.

Today - I was not sad nor depressed. I began to think and think and think.
Why did it take me sooooooo long to recover today?

It was emptiness.

To say goodbye early in the morning. Before a long solitary bus ride to work. Followed by a day of repetitive work. Coupled with images of the week before and sweet reminiscence. Ending in another long solitary bus ride home.

I was not sad or depressed.
I was just drifting away . . . .without much to look forward to. Not in terms of life, or say food or Chanel.

But, in terms of, a someone close to you where you find comfort in going home to everyday, solace after a harsh day at work, laughs in between conversations - just someone you know can make the day worth it no matter how bad it had been.

It saddens me a bit that I have to do all that through phone.
But at the same time I guess I should be thankful that at least we have our phones.

An empty house. A dark living room. A quiet hallway.

How I wish today was just like yesterday when I had the luxury of reaching out at arm's length to you but without the nagging tug in the heart of knowing that you would be going away again soon.

Renewing my vows to Shiro

Today I am going to renew my vows to Shiro.

Over this year, our relationship has changed.

We started out in such a purely loving way. I could never wait to go home to see him and he would welcome me with his wagging tail and high-pitched puppy bark. I would teach him to sit and he would do everything for a small little bite of snack.

In between a lot happened. We moved together to a new place and started staying with new people - friends of mine but strangers to him.

One of his owners started working away from home most of the time. I got busier with work too.

Shiro was going through his teenaged years I think. Going through a cycle of being rebellious - being fascinated at new things - developing an adult bark - learning more things.

Our relationship was tried - stress - from our own lives, from circumstances, from others.

I grew cranky. I was stricter. I disciplined him hard.

Until a point when I just had to ask myself, "How did things turn out this way?"

He is my companion, not a watchdog.
He is my best friend, not a follow-dog.
I brought him into my family, I should give him love.

Be it to teach him, to discipline him - it should be out of love.
And not to meet others' expectations.

I know this might sound weird.

Quoted from a friend, "If you don't stand up for your dog, who will?"

I think I have lost myself for a while there and I have not been there for Shiro. Physically yes, but emotionally, no.

I lost track of my role in Shiro's life.
More over teaching him, leading him and taking care of him - to love him.

Here, I renew my vows and strive to build a stronger relationship with my dear Shiro.

Reality vs. imaginary futures from the past

I have always imagined my future ever since I was young.

Before I was 10, my imaginary future was like this:

I would be working in an office of 30 people in Sandakan where my colleagues would consist of mostly female in their twenties. We would go out for lunch together everyday and go shopping on Saturdays at Mile 4. Every night I would go home for dinner cooked by my Mum or even Grandma - there would be soup, 3 dishes and fruits. Tehn we would watch TVB together anad curse about the bad guy in the drama. I would get a boyfriend who works in another office and we would spend every Sunday together with my family eating kon lou min at Mile 4 again, before we go shopping or visit his family at Mile 4 again. Around age 26, we would discuss about getting married and we would. It would be a ceremony back in Sandakan and everyone would be invited. Then we would have two kids - a girl and a boy. And live happily ever after in Sandakan with annual holidays.

Then when I was in high school, my imaginary future was like this:

I would study in KL with my highschool sweet heart and meet people from all over Malaysia. We would endure the tough times of studying and graduating together. After graduating, we would get a job in KL or Singapore. Together we would save money for marriage and family. My family would migrate over to KL/Singapore depending on where I would be. My parents would stay with me after I get married. So every day after work I would go back to nicely prepared meals and freshly showered kids courtesy of my dear Mum. And live happily ever after in KL/Singapore with annual road trips around Malaysia.

Then when during my first year in Australia, my imaginary future was like:

I would get a boyfriend who is kind, dashing and gentleman. We would spend our days in Australia, walking under the sun, travelling around town - without a care of the world. I would go back to Malaysia after that to graduate and to work while he would remain in Australia to graduate and to work. We would be on LDR. I would work in a laboratory and go back to nicely prepared dinners by my Mum followed by strolls around pasar malam after dinner. Before sleep every night, I would call, Skype or MSN with my boyfriend. As soon as I reach 27, my boyfriend would either return to Malaysia or bring me over to Australia. We would get married and have two kids who can speak Chinese and English. My parents would migrate to Australia and stay with us and live happily ever after.

And so we arrived to right now.

Never in the world in my previous imaginary futures had I expected to be:

Living under the same roof with a bunch of similarly aged friends, all of us away from family and pursuing a career here. I thought such a world existed in Friends the sitcom, only.

Living away from home and the luxuries of having dinner prepared for me everynight, no bills or rents to worry about, groceries/laundry done for me.

Living with a dog who is as bratty and mischievious as can be.

Cooking meals as simple as oat with vegetables to as complicated as a failed three tier chocolate cake, every single night.

Chasing so hard after and focusing so much on my career ans aspirations that a family of my own is not on the cards right now.

Having so much ups and downs with my stable partner instead of getting engaged after being together for for years, getting married after being engaged for 1 year and having kids after being married for 1 year - you know, like a static plan.

Travelling all over Australia and to Japan and planning to travel everywhere else in the world instead of saving all my money for marriage and family.

Having to exercise to maintain my figure!! (I was so skinny back then)...

****************************************

Surely, this isn't exactly the future I anticipated for years ago but I can't help feeling contented at the excitement - for the uncertainties, opportunities and possibilities - that I face right now.

July again

July has been an extreme month - of so much celebration and so much passionate fights.

I guess most people know that Ray's birthday which is also our anniversary is in July.

I love celebrations - big and small - I believe in giving moe credit to the little things in life and reminding ourselves to appreciate each other. And of course, the wine and the dine and presents.

However, with celebrations and occasions also come expectations and anticipation. Where one party might be anticipating or expecting too much while the other party feeling the same - but in a different way. For example, your idea of a celebration might be sweet champagne during dinner overlooking the skyline while your partner's might be cooking a simple meal at home over hot Milo.

While both are intended to make the day special and happy, the discrepancy in expectation can create disappointment. The former in how plain and unglamorous it seems, while the latter in how materialistic and overtly grand it seems.

In the end, many people choose to disregard the day or just go according to one person's wishes - a big NONO to me. The day should never ever end on a sour note. If it does, then you just have to celebrate again and again - until it ends on a happy note.

Expectations are different sure. But I am pretty sure if you do it often enough and care about each other enough, the gap in expectations will only close and not grow.

We learn to live with each other. It might take a few fights, but heck, those are kacang.

July was a month of celebration and fights. I was as happy as I could be and also as angry or sad as I could be.

But right now, sitting here and reflecting on everything that happened - Ray's birthday breakfast, Ray's birthday dinner, our anniversary dinner, Ray's birthday dinner make-up. Ray's birthday supper, Ray's birthday surprise with friends - I am glad to say that I feel happy.

They say the negative things always overshadow the positive things.

That is true, hence the significance of this moment right now: feeling happy and thinking it was all worth it despite all.

The Sweetest Thing

This is the sweetest thing ever - just put a smile on my face :)

Technology, family & guys

Okay let me be a pessimist just for one day.

Girls don't need guys to keep them warm - an electric blanket can do the job, what more you can even adjust the temperature to your liking.

Girls don't need guys for security - from extended alarm systems monitoring every inch of your house to pepper sprays to the Chanel bag, that is security boost, physically all the way to emotionally.

Girls don't need guys to have a good time - hit the malls, buy the world, eat those chocolates, gym off that butt, strut the city, wee off the hours in gossip, I am pretty sure you'll feel equally good.

Girls don't need guys for support/help - the pile of laundry, the broken door knob, the virus infected computer, the emotional issue, which of that can you not solve? You might have to call some technical person, but hey, you still solved it didn't you?

Girls don't need guys to ease their emptiness - there is the weekend road trip you can go to, the long abandoned overseas travel plan, the contacts you haven't kept in touch with in ages and also your loyal pet waiting for your attention.

Girls don't need guys to feel complete - in fact, look at yourself. What is missing?

Technology and material are most probably capable of filling in all the blanks what we traditionally think only the opposite sex can. To a certain extent, at least.

Now, before you dismiss me as being materialistic/shallow/bitter/PMS-y/unreasonable, maybe technology and material can't take the place of having a good guy in your life. (Hence, I added 'to a certain extent')

I have my family and friends for all the -warmth, security, good times, support/help - in the world. Most importantly, you can always count on these people to make you feel loved and important.

Okay, on a different note, I am probably an optimist for being able to see technology and material (ahem) as being able to replace having a guy in my life!

Or maybe, I have grown to be more a realist - to be able to see family as friends as the more important part of my life and also to realise that I don't need a guy, I want a man in my life.

And I thought I was perfect

The period of my life I hated most was in primary school.

Me: I don't like myself back in primary school. I think I was proud and arrogant.
Friend X: . . . . . . haha, I kinda think so too.

Back then I was always the top in class and assistant to teachers so I was flying high. So high that I thought I was way up above as compared to the others.

I began to demand and insist on what I want, and in the process lost sight of reason and the need to be considerate.

I would head straight into verbal fights just to defend my point of view - no matter if it is right or wrong. I would boss people around thinking I was doing the best for them - no matter if that was their wish or not. I would do anything I want and still insist I was right - no matter if I knew I was wrong or not.

Tantrums were regular.

However, the turning point came on that very day I let down my pride and said my first voluntary SORRY to my Mum. Straight away without hesitation, she pulled me close and said, "Let's go for an American breakfast". It happened in front of Hotel Lutana.

The period of time in my life I regretted the most was in junior high school.

I was a total hormonal wreck, scrambled with self-esteem issues and too busy finding my calling, in one word - EMO.

I would fall into an endless cliff of depression - over nothing at all - before bouncing back to the sunshine land of hope and no pimples. But with me refering this as my dark age, you can pretty much guess that I was down hiding in those cliffs of depression 90% of the time.

Every single thing would tick me off - the way my Sis crossed her legs, no homework from school, the crowded school bus. Everyone seemed to hate me - I was not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not popular enough.

Unbeknownst to me, no one or nothing was out to get me at all. I was the one in attributing every failure and obstacles in life to other factors external of me, trying hard to escape from fault or blame.

People don't talk to me - they hate me. But did I attempt to be friendly?
My Sis makes me angry - she hates me. But I made her angry before too, right?
My family scolds me - they don't love me. But did I show love to them?
Bad luck haunts me - the world hates me. But did I open up my eyes to see the good things I have?

Again, the change came when my Mum confronted me outside of Hotel Sandakan after a yumcha session long of black face + silent treatment action from me to all my relatives. She asked me what was wrong and I seriously had no idea what was wrong but was not ready to back down.

It made me realise how much time I have wasted - being unhappy for nothing and ungrateful for what I had.

One word I remember clearly out of my Mum's mouth that day was "stubborn".

The period of time I reminisce the most about is my high school years.

Stripped out pride and growing out of my emo-ness, I made friends - really good ones. I have never been so happy.

I had people to confide to about my biggest mistakes, silliest moments and problems.
I had people to spend quality time with despite not doing anything at all.
I had people I can rely on and at the same time protect.

I reconnected with family members. Just by talking more, expressing more, opening up more, initiating more and really, by being myself.

For the first time I found myself.

I was not actually that shy, that much of a hermit, nor am I that serious and studious. I was also not that into textbooks and sketching sceneries.

I am actually quite talkative and have a love for wholesome gossip. I am also an energy bunny capable of ingenius jokes and sinister tricks (not harmful!). I am loyal to friends. I love having company and really being adventurous with people with the same mind. I love video games and Japanese music.

I realised that one discovers who he/she is only through interaction with others and experiences/lessons earned in the process.

When I was emo, I was merely lost and frustrated without an outlet to vent out to.

And I remember my Mum saying, "I think you are really starting to enjoy life now, I am glad."

The period of time in my life I cherish the most is my first year in Australia.

I came over a bubbly and naive person, totally oblivious to what the outside world held - not to mention living alone.

Homesickness pangs came and went but I cherish this part of my life because:-
I started really appreciating my family.
I learnt to take care of myself.
I built a network of friends equivalent to a new family unit in Melbourne.
I experienced independence and loved it.
I found love again and again, loved it.

Lucky me. I learnt to let go of pride before this so I daresay, I became more confident without letting myself be arrogant.

I realised I learnt this much when my Grandma bought me two pieces of mango cake from the pasar. She booked them before hand and made sure she did not de-shape the cakes. She then handed them to me and said they were the best and cheapest mango cakes ever. I have seen prettier and eaten tastier mango cakes before (easily anywhere) but none of them have tasted so beautiful before.

I really really miss my Grandmas now. :)

The period of my life I value most is my jobseeking phase.

I fell from grace to hell, from being ambitious to self doubts, from hopes and dreams to despair.

I had the worst interview ever before being given a golden opportunity.

I heard the most sarccastic and inconsiderate remarks but also received the best encouragements and support I am not even sure I deserve.

What I gained out of this experience is invaluable - humility, appreciation and some much-needed growing up.

***

Till this day, I am still as stubborn as ever. But I truly believe that I am much softer - at least by 30%? - than before.

I have done some bad decisions in life but also a fair share of good deeds.

I am still on my way to becoming a better person:-

- by rebuilding my confidence damaged during jobseeking.

- by improving my patience and soothing the stubborn monster inside.

- by listening more to others and being more accepting

- by believing in myself and also putting more trust in others

and ultimately,

- by promising to keep learning to become a better person.

Mr Tan's BDay Surprise Project 1

For Mr Tan's birthday last year, I decided to do something lazy-creative. I called up all my friends (some mutual, some he met once, some heard of him from me a lot) and asked them to think of romantic surprises I can give him along with a birthday wish.

I have many good friends and the response was great (I was a bit pushy too mehbee). The suggestions ranged from romantic to funny, cheesy to bizarre and downright impossible. Some of the suggestions, I wonder if they harboured hate towards me or maybe on a more positive note, over-the-top love for Mr Tan.

I put all these ideas into envelopes and sealed them one by one with. . . . glue la. Stuck on the face of the envelopes were the birthday messages and who they were from. So in a pper box, lying strayly in the wardrobe, lie all these amazing ideas from some surprisingly funny/romantic/evil friends of mine - waiting to be fulfilled for the pure happiness of Mr Tan (or maybe pure enjoyment of my friends seeing me do them).

I started with the easiest idea from a friend whom I shall not name. Why?

Cause it was a failure. Damn it, first idea crashed and burnt in my hands!

Idea #1: Bake him a cake

So I 'attempted' to bake a blueberry fresh cream cake, seeing how Mr Tan has mentioned about being disappointed at the taste of the Secret Recipe Mango Delight Cake he used to adore so much when he tasted it again early this year. I thought of making him a mango fresh cream cake but mangoes are not in season yet! So blueberries then.

Look at my first birthday surprise for him!

Yummylicious right? What, doesn't look like it? What do you mean :-(

Yes, this must be the ugliest cake ever complete with melting make up.

Sigh. But before you give up on me, I attempted another idea. And this time, a really sweet idea from Loong.

Idea #2: Bring him to a beach and once he arrives, surprise him with either candles/ christmas lights with a special message to him. Better still if you have fireworks! (From Loong)

So with tiny little lights . . . .

. . and with many of them . . .

I conjured a message . . .

. . in the heart of the room.

He was surprised and I think he liked it (maybe secretly) when he came back to see it on the wall all the way from Alice Springs - the land of red sand, kangaroo meat and no Masterchef on TV.

I guess this counts as a success? Regardless this serves as a good begining (the cake doesn't count) to this surprise marathon.

Till then, signing off with love to all you peeps!

Mr LDR

It has been a while so I have almost forgotten what it is like to be on a Long Distance Relationship.

The last time this happened was in 2007 and it lasted a year.

Mr was coming back to Aussie for his final year of studies and Me staying back in Malaysia for my final year of studies.

I remember saying goodbye and crying (as expected) at the tiny airport of Sandakan. After all, back then I did not know when or even if I would see him again.

At that point of time, my LDR was indefinite and that must be the worst kind of LDR. Not knowing if there is an end to it and even if there is - if it would be a happy or a sad one. It made me wonder about all kinds of stuff - why I even started this relationship, being the main question.

We would keep in touch by:
Calling once in a blue moon.
Video chatting online every once in a while.
SMSing whenever credit allows.
Relying on MSN heavily.

After a while, I got really used to not seeing Mr and I bet he felt the same.

We were in a relationship but not quite so.
The feeling was there but not quite strong.

It was weird.

And then due to a twist of fate, I was going to return to Aussie where Mr was.

I was happy but not the ecstatic kind, just mild.
He was happy but not that excited, just as mild.

When we met, it wasn't passion - we were both a bit shy. If not, awkward.

For the first few months, we would do things separately, we would be really quiet/paiseh and we would be hang out at different places. We just did not know how to be together anymore.

Before we knew it, we were fighting a lot - really meek, mild fights - out of frustration and confusion. But I guess at the end of the day, the fights drew us closer and helped us understand each other again.

Time flew and we have been spending almost everyday together for 2 years - going through jobhunting, unemployment and weight gain. I can confidently say that we are stronger and surer than ever.

So this time around, the LDR - albeit really sudden and unexpected - wasn't so bad.

Maybe it was so sudden that I don't feel it just yet.
Maybe it has been just a few days so it doesn't feel real yet.

But come next week when Mr comes back, I wonder how I would feel.
I can surely say that it won't be mild like before.
And I can more surely say that when the time comes for Mr to leave again, it will be more un-mild.

FFF

This is a post about the three F's - Family, Friends, Fools.

Apparently these are the people you get funding from if you want to start a business - we shall see!

FAMILY.

Today is my beloved sister's big 26 birthday, Happy Birthday Sis!

I have watched her grow - albeit reluctantly - over the years. From her first poser picture to the very new ones today.

We have stuck to each other and bounced each other off through thick.

And thin. Oh and my drug dealer past. Haha.

I am glad to say that my sister has grown into fine young lady - camwhore expert, KFC loving, make-up advocate, high heels obsessed. In fact I don't find her any different from last time.

Still the same lovable face. Oh but now with the equally lovable loud voice. What is not to lurve?

This is a shout out to you: Happy Birthday! Waiting for your arrival to redeem the lavish birthday dinner and present in July!

FRIEND.

Tshun came to visit me in Melbourne on Sunday and I was overjoyed!!! Max overjoyed!

It has been soooooooooooooooooooo long since I had a high school friend here with me in the lonely lands of Melbourne.

As usual, we talked about stories way in the past, jokes way over their humor due date and future way ahead but seems so near. Nostalgic and gratitude were what I felt. But need not make it complicated - one word is enough: happy.

Went around the wineries in Yarra Valley for the cheapest form of entertainment: wine tasting.

Me: Mmmmm this wine is goood!

Tshun: Wah damn sweet. Just like soft drinks.

Till we meet again under the same vast blue skies.

Or over the same mountain of pasta.

FOOL.

I always think he must be a fool for treating someone like me so kind and with so much love.

I always think he really must be a fool for putting up with my whinings, complaints and cold jokes.

I really think he must be a fool for making me a fool like me so happy through webcam.

And hence these two fools are on LDR again. Which sucks.

It never sucked this badly two years ago and that lasted for a year. How did that happen?

Now I can only sigh whenever I catch sight of the tiny bits of himself he left behind - the dirty pair of jeans, the wiltered flowers, the huge box of bran he mistakenly bought - not really tiny items, after all!

And again - surviving on phone calls, MMS, SMS, MSN and memories.

I must be such fool for writing all this now :(

Love lessons at Borders

"There are usually five forms of expression of love:

1) Act of service (doing things for you)
2) Physical intimacy
3) Quality time
4) Gift giving
5) Talking

Different people appreciate different forms of expression"

- quoted from Raymond Tan who read it in Borders

I VALUE quality time most.
I PRACTICE talking most.
I COMPLAIN about gift giving most.
I TAKE FOR GRANTED acts of service most.
I JOKE with physical intimacy most.

Mr Tan VALUE talking (in his words: words of comfort) most.
Mr Tan PRACTICE acts of service most.
Mr Tan COMPLAIN about quality time most.
Mr Tan TAKE FOR GRANTED gift giving most.
Mr Tan JOKE with physical intimacy most.

Then comes the complicated part. My definition of each of these forms is different.

His 'talking': Words of comfort and practical information.
My 'talking': Whining, gossips, random noises with no contents.
Verdict: So while I practice 'talking' most and he values 'talking' most the contents do not match and 50% gets filtered.

His 'acts of service': Repairing computer, fixing doors, other tech-y/geek-y stuffs.
My 'acts of service': Cooking, baking, ironing.
Verdict: While he practices 'acts of service' the most, I take it for granted.

His 'quality time': Lounging around doing nothing or surfing the net in silence, as long as we are together.
My 'quality time': Doing something new, going somewhere new - together.
Verdict: I value 'quality time' the most and he complains about it the most due to this difference in definition.

His 'gift giving': For special, VERY special occasions and very random, sometimes sigh-able.
My 'gift giving': Small surprises, for every single celebration-worthy moments, quality and something he definitely likes.
Verdict: After 3+ years he began taking for granted my 'gift giving' and me more disatisfied with not getting a response, both in terms of appreciation or returning gifts.

His 'physical intimacy': All talk and CANNOT tell dirty jokes.
My 'physical intimacy': All talk and with dirty jokes recycled from high school.
Verdict: Perhaps the most peaceful component!

Conclusion: Not only do we differ in terms of primary form of expression, but also in terms of our definition of each form of expression. And you wonder why things don't work out between couples?

BUT. . . !!

"The DEAD SEA personality depicts someone who just receives but is not in their nature to give. For example, he/she might really enjoy listening to you talk but he/she just does not have any input or he/she might look sad and when you ask him/her what is wrong, he/she would say 'nothing' and really mean it.

In contrast, the BLABBER personality is someone who expresses everything he/she sees, hears, experiences or feels. *Fuzzy memory so bla bla bla*

I think I am a DEAD SEA and you are a BLABBER. And this book says we are a GOOD MATCH"

- quoted from Raymond Tan who read it in Borders

Yeah. Right.

What about the times I got mad due to his non-existent feelings, expressionless face, response in the form of a grunt?

What about the times he complained about my unreasonable whinings, random complaints about the shape of the clouds, sudden tantrums not during PMS?

I personally think - no matter how DEAD SEA he is and how BLABBER I am, we have to work together, him to be much more of a BLABBER and me to be much more of a DEAD SEA. And true - he does talk a lot more right now and not about 'how an aeroplane works' only anymore, he opens up about his 'feelings' after only 5 nudges/threats and he is a bit 38 woohoo. As for me - I have my quality ME times, keep quiet when I should and am not so impatient anymore.

Conclusion: Differences can complement, but also repel - depends on how you work at it.

"There is a way to tell whether a couple in a restaurant are dating or married.

Couples who are dating will be in deep conversation and looking at each other.

Couples who are married will not be talking and their eyes might be wandering around looking at random objects"

- quoted from Raymond Tan who read it in Borders

" . . . I think we are so used to each other we are like married couple already haha." - Raymond.

"THAT IS WHAT I DON'T WANT!" - Me

Young people everywhere, okay not only young people, but all people who are still dating - don't SETTLE DOWN like that, I mean you have all the time in the world to feel like that after you get married, so why now?

There is a reason why we are still dating, no?

At least in my dictionary, DATING does not equal to sitting on the same table as your partner and staring at the picture of char kuoy teow on the restaurant wall while thinking about your auntie in her pyjamas.

Where is the excitement/sparks/passion - even if they are in the form of fights but so what? - that is dating!

Haiyer, so frustrating.

There you go, an afternoon of love lessons at Borders.

The pact for NOBU

There was this promise that we made when we were driving back from our Daylesford trip back in July 2009.


We were not in the rosiest state in life. Both were tired and disappointed with a chain of events. Both were unsure about what tomorrow held. There were too many serious things, too many important decisions with too little time and confidence at that time. We were stressed, beat up and frustrated - all in the name of career aspirations.

But at the same time, we were trying to be optimistic, to have faith in ourselves and to be happy. So we made a pact.

"If one of us land a job we desire, that person will have to treat the other to a nice dinner at Nobu".

Six tough months of more disappointments and even more hard work and faith later, we finally made a call to Nobu.

Nobu is a new-style Japanese dining place located in Crown Melbourne. While its main influence resides in Japanese food culture, the cooking style used is mainly western and the many people opt to share dishes like the way you dine with tapas. Fusion.

I really think the word 'fusion' describes Nobu best. Not only in terms of the dishes, but also the energy from the mix of international and local customers as well as multinational waiters and waitresses shouting "irasshaimase" to you over the noisy dining area.

We ordered two entries, two mains, a sushi roll and a dessert.

Entree 1 - Sashimi tacos with yellowtail, salmon, lobster and crab

Looking smug.

Looking hungry.

Entree 2 - Edamame

Snippets of conversation:

Ray: What is edamame called in English? Broadbeans? Green beans?

Me: NO. I know! I'll use the power of the iTranslate app in my iPhone to find out!

*keys in edamame, translate from Japanese to English*

*RESULT*

Edamame (jap) ----> Edamame (eng)

Main 1 - Black cod with miso (signature dish)

Main 2 - Prawn and lobster with spicy lemon sauce

Sushi roll - House special (rolled with five different kinds of sashimi and crab meat)

Dessert - Chocolate bent box with green tea ice cream

My personal favourite (Ray's as well) is the Black Cod with Miso - it was sweet and the meat tender. Despite the perculiar way, sashimi with tacos are actually quite nice - not to mention the addition of salsa sauce. However, I find the dessert a bit too light - you know I like my flavours strong (and particularly that night given that I saw the huge chunks of creamy-rich cakes at Greco).

Nobu sent us reminiscing about the quieter dining environment in Japan, specifically Kitaoji. The place was bustling with people and laughter, making it pretty relaxing but less romantic (tsk tsk).

All in all, Nobu was great in terms of food and service. Definitely worth a go to whoever is seeking a relaxing setting for some exciting fusion food. And if you insist on my company. . .

* * * * * * * * * *

I love going around to try new restaurants, cafes or even gerai!

Tomorrow I will be heading to Mart 130, apparently the best breakfast place in Melbourne. According to reliable online sources, the Eggs No.2 are the best they offer there and all of Melbourne. I am not a fan of poached eggs (too yolk-y), maybe Ray can try that :-D

Big breakfast yay!

What is love?

"Wow you two have been together for four years already?"

Honestly, what is there to 'wow' about?

From my humble perspective, the length of a relationship does not signify anything at all. If only length means good. Which creates another question, what is 'good' when it comes to relationships?

No arguments or fights?
No conflict in interest?
No external issues like finance?

Hardly. Both in terms of it ever happening or ever leading to a healthy relationship.

If there is one thing I can be certain about relationships, that will be it is highly 'uncertain'.

One happy moment can turn into a sour spat in a few minutes and the issue can be as small as who eats the cupcake first. One fine day can turn into a nightmare and end a 10-year relationship.

Even if your love is strong, there are a million other factors out of your control that can break you up. In this materialistic and overly-realistic day and age, we want everything. Money, freedom, technology, social status, material, luxury - can you really live on just 'true love'?

To be more extreme, what does marriage signify? Can a mere piece of certificate or ceremony, really warrant a happy ending? You can still wake up one day to find yourself out of love.

But I don't want to let relationships equate to 'uncertainty'.

It indirectly means that I am either waiting for my relationship to end or waiting for someone to marry me (and then continue on to wait for either a divorce?). I don't want it to mean this at all. For it means that I am forever waiting for an answer, something certain to happen and thus, miss the process of being in a relationship.

Isn't all we want just a person to laugh with, cry with and live life with?
Isnt't all we need just a person to laugh with, cry with and live life with?

In a realistic sense, I would say no, that is not enough.
In my personal opinion, I would like to believe in yes, that alone is enough.

We like to use some sort of parameter to measure the quality/quantity of things. But this is not a kilogram of sugar or 3 baby elephants. It is the dynamic or chemistry resulted from the emotional and physical journey of two different people. Tell me how do you measure that?

Definitely not in years on relationship, that is just too naive and lazy.

So tell me, what says a good relationship to you?

Chicks ad ducklings

Have you ever touched a baby chick before?

The first time I did that was at the A Famosa Petting Zoo a good few years away. They were so tiny, fitted into my palm. Snuggly and warm. Fragile.

It is funny how some people are afraid of small fragile things when they are not of dangerous things.

Like my Grandma who faced off with a cobra and is afraid of chicks.

Like my Dad the toughie who fought in high school and was afraid of holding me and my Sis as when we were babies.

Like my late Grandpa who lived a life of gambling and smoking, and built small delicate houses from coconut shells.

I guess it is because we realise life is really precious and fragile most at its begining.

We fail to remember this most of the time in our life.

We fail to appreciate this very apparent fact.

There is so much we should treasure and smile about right now.

For we are alive and there is so much to look forward to.

About Love

There must be a reason why love is still such a hard thing to understand.

Or is it something to be understood at all?

The reason you fall in love can stem from something as small as a quick glance or a kind smile or even that cute cheesy red jumper.

The reason you are in love can be as simple as fate or taking chances or working hard at it.

The reason you fall out of love can be as easy as boredom or another person or that bad little habit you cannot stand.

Maybe it is because the reasons as so simple that we cannot understand love.

Maybe it is because we don't believe love is this simple that we cannot understand love.

But maybe we do not have to understand love at all because it is not work for the brain but fruit from the heart.

Maybe love really is as simple as coming from heart to that special someone.

Or to make it easier to the brain: From Point A to Point B.