Wednesday, September 13, 2006

What if I drown?

I feel like drowning rite now? Not because of fits of suffocation or of something sorrowful. Just a mix of emptiness, a pinch of stress, a hint of uneasiness, a dash or worry and a small spark of frustration. All of these adds up to level 1 drowning.

This is the least significant one but then at the same time, the most prominent one inside of me! For the past few days, I had been resorting to it for ease and comfort. Sorta like something to look forward to at the end of a long tired day! I finished up all 22 episodes of Ouran Koukou Hosuto Club! Oh no! Today I felt like I had nothing to do! I miss anticipating for the moment I set my fingers tapping on DC++! That is why, the emptiness.....

Somehow, always, always, always, itsu mo, itsu mo, itsu mo. Around 5 weeks before the finals, I'll start feeling like I should have worked harder. Now, although the labs are ending slowly (I just did the last lab for CHM2962 and done the last report for CHM2922!), and the waves of reports are slowing taming, somehow, there is this persistant stressful feeling inside me. I am forever trying to dig it out.

Things I am stressing of now:
1) Finals
2) To be able to study in time
3) MUMSU Ball
4) Assignments
5) Losing Weight

Hm...there is this funny sort of uneasiness inside of me. Rendering me not being able to make peace with myself. It is like I am dissatisfied with so much that is going on around me that I am feeling guilty for being this way. Maybe it started from stress? Maybe I am just over-reacting?

Regardless, i feel uneasy. I wanna make peace with myself as soon as possible. But what is causing all this?

Seems like everyone can be associated with this word rite? But then luckily for me, I have low affinity to this word. Usually I worry for 10 minutes only to throw it all away later! Cos like I always say " the boat will go straight automatically, once it reaches the port". So I guess I am healthy this way! Currently I am worried of the MUMSU Ball, but I said, it'll be alrite in the end. Just gotta hang on to this thought and go through it.

I can't take this anymore! Seriously this had never been an issue in my life. But then lately, why does it seem like everyone's picking on me about my weight?

People's general response towards my recent weight:
1) Teasing
2) Nagging
3) Laughing
4) Constant-reminding
5) Never-Fail-To-Ask-Question

I must admit that I have succumbed into believing that I really gained a whole lot of evil weight and now it is like I am punished! Verbally! Hm....regardless, I try to make a joke out of everything. Maybe as a comfort to myself, to make the situation less awkward, to numb my sensitive side? I don't know. I just do it, without me myself realizing. But then, I believe I can do it! He he!

Seems like this post is so negative. Sumimasen for complaining and complaining so much here! However, which leads me to think, aren't all this little negativities what drive us towards striving for the better? In controllable amounts, somehow they seem like motivation to some or the pushing/driving FORCE to the lazy others. It may seem monstrous from time to time. It might even have pushed you too hard sometimes.

But what will life be without all these? Will you be satisfied with a life like that? While we love stretches of blue skies and green fields, won't the same scenery become dull if it remains so forever? Even with such negativities in life, we find it hard to appreciate the good things in life. What do you think will become of us, if we take the negativities away?

So, I am still a bit agitated over all these, but then I appreciate it to be here, at this very momeny.

Random Statements:
Fitzroy is a must visit place.
Blythe dolls are kinda scary!
Starting to study CHM 2922!
Gonna return M'sia next yr!
The T2 Tea is making me a toilet-regular.
I love my Moroccan Rose lotion! Kleins is the best.
The Sesame Red Bean Bun from Asian Grocery at Campus Centre was real bad.....
I love being an Asian and am proud of it!
Amy's mum's coming!!
I want more of Ouran!

0 Hikari*fications!:

Post a Comment

Got Hikari*-fied?