Saturday, January 24, 2009

Fashion Criminal History

Fashion Criminal history

Chinese New Year is not only a time for food, fun, healthy-mahjong sessions, gossiping.

It is definitely a time for fashion, especially for the ladies.

Come on, you must admit this! Girls, you do 'evaluate' how your peers are doing. Guys, do I even need to elaborate on this?

After all, it is just natural since everyone is getting new clothes and everyone wants to look their very best given CNY is usually the only time when old friends reunite and family members gather.

You don't want the pony-tail girl from the next class you disliked jeering at your outfit or your Third-Aunty telling you off for the lack of length of your skirt. Right?

But being human, I guess everyone must have committed some fashion crime. Well, even the celebrities do, so what more us mere mortals? After watching Style Star on E! Channel and walking through Sunway Pyramid only to see hordes of teenagers in different styles, I am so inspired to talk about my own fashion crimes - my numerous memorable if not disastrously unforgotten first times.

Okay, all girls want to look pretty no matter how they deny it. I think I started feeling concious of my appearance when I was in Form 2? But I really started 'helping' myself in the looks department only by Form 4 I think. Woot!

One of the biggest crime I committed must be tucking in my T-shirts to my high waisted shorts and feeling proud of it (this is the cringe-worthy part). Okay, everyone was not doing that by then but hey(!!) I was trying to make a statement! Fashion rebel, ever heard of this? And credit to Mrs Lo for telling me that I actually looked 'special'. Cher, I wonder 'special' in what context!

I permed my hair for the first time right after SPM. Erm, I thought it looked great. But then I started over-styling. Mousse-overload, wax-overload, gloss-overload. Still it did not look like Jennifer Aniston's hair. What was wrong?!? This was a hard lesson to learn. And a long and painful one. Cause I spent Semester 1 of MUFY wearing a greasy, fixed-to-the-scalp, bowl of curly hair to college every single day.

High heels. Bitter during my first wear. Wore them out for lunch with my Dad, to practice before having to wear them for my English presentation during MUFY. Out of all days, Dad chose to go to near the Istana to eat ikan bakar. I was walking like a crab on stilts. Not stylish at all. Borderline funny, and let me add cute to neutralize the negative picture in your mind. . .

I got my first colour-eyeshadow during First Year in uni. Before that, I barely put on any make up so getting a colour eye shadow was a BIG jump! And to officialize this BIG leap, I decided to to do it the extravagant way and got a turquoise shade! Turquiose, you know, turquoise! And I said extravagant cause it really was - I put it on my lids thick and up till my eyebrows - like a billboard for PEPSI. I swear the Professor-who-shall-not-be-named thought I was in his office to seduce him for higher grades! It is not funny, I could've got kicked outta Monash you know!

The turquoise eye shadow disappeared forever. Then came my very first dark eyeshadow during Second Year in uni. Smoky eyes - how sultry, sexy, versatile, eh? Well, not when you over-apply it during the day. A friend actually asked whether my eyes were alrite. Sweat. Kena punched, would I still be eating happily in the cafeteria while fluttering my eyelashes thinking everyone must be thinking I was positively hot on that day?! I am still using the same dark eyeshadow - it really is versatile. But I am using it wisely now. Less is always more :-)

There was a time when I was crazy about the messy hair look. You know, the type Aussies always wear - messy ponytail. Well, I think I got a bit too crazy and my hair a bit too messy. An aunt asked, 'Was the wind really that strong outside?' Sigh.

My Mum started a small fashion retail store two years ago. I got a bit obsessed with accessories and ended up getting high on accessorizing all the time. In a nutshell, I was over-accessorized. I think for a few occassions, I resembled a walking Xmas tree - two necklaces, some bangles and maybe a ring or some earrings. Spread the joy, folks.

Before returning to Melby for my Master, I went to get a different hair colour. This time, the hairdresser was high on colouring and I ended up with at least two shades lighter than what I wanted. It was near CNY as well, and as I looked at myself in the mirror I could only think of - Taiwan mandarins. Big, ORANGE, puffy, ORANGE, shiny, ORANGE. I changed it straight away and kept a photo as a memento.

Those are my top crimes! I msut have committed far more, but I am getting sleepy and too guilty to write anymore. Convict me! Punish me! . . . .with a new wardrobe full of designer clothes. Speaking of which, I got a whole wardrobe of new stuffs, fresh and cheap, from Thailand. I must blog about this place I have been shopping at over there! IT is becoming like an annual trip thing for Me and WenJi!


In a totally unrelated note, people sometimes ask me why I write so much since there doesn't seem to be a lot of people reading (okay la, no one comments or anything, sulk). Hmm, I think the answer is:

I am writing for myself. My own enjoyment.

Although it would be great if others enjoy it as well!

Ultimately, I am happy doing this hence I am!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Can I call this homesick?

Can I Call This Homesick?

I am just back from Thailand :-)

Geographical difference can really make one feel . . . .different? Well, one might say that it is just a matter of distance, or location or even timezone, but seriously, can one really be that indifferent towards culture, language, lifestyle and traditions unique to each place?

Having returned to Malaysia where I am given the constant attention of family members) from Melbourne where I have lived in autonomy akin to a gypsy (?) and went to Bangkok where I spent the whole of 3 days with friends and my sister doing nothing but shop, I must say, I am feeling a bit nostalgic. Towards what?

My life in Melbourne.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family here in KL and I love shopping trips to Bangkok - but there is just something different about Melbourne.

I had a feeling I'd be feeling this way, hence I kinda made a mini-documentary of my last few days in Melbourne.

I love the sunshine on my face in Melbourne especially when the air is cool inside the house. And people scurry to the only spot of sunlight :-)

I miss running downstairs to open the front door and step out to feel the weather. Don't let the glaring sun fool you into believing it to be a perfect day for shorts :-) I remember WenJi stepping out in shorts only to be greeted by a hailstorm within minutes.

This is a snapshot of what Me and Ray had for a 'light' lunch at Lazy Moe's. The humongous portions there never fail to amuse me. I am a carnivore :-) That was just too drool-worthy.

I love dressing up for the weather, for the event, for the location, for the fun of it! To think of a theme or an image, to decide on a coat or a scarf or maybe the boots with knee-high socks? This particular picture:
The weather? It was 23 C in the morning, 34 C in the afternoon, 20 C at night.
The event? House inspection haha.
The location? Murumbeena, my first time over there!
The fun of it? IT JUST IS.
Lately, I am enjoying watching how my friends have grown into different personalities. How each of them are building a life of their own as a first generation in Melbourne - getting a job, obtaining their PRs, managing their own car, moving to a new suburbs. I wonder how things will be in a few years' time?

I heart the desserts over there as well. From Japanese cream puffs (pictured) to pancakes galore. Mmm-mmm.

There are so many small, cosy, well-hidden restaurants all around Melbourne. I love the fact that they are not so flashy, publicized or crowded. They are able to preserve their tradition, their uniqueness and their surprises :-) Like this little place called Rose Garden near Victoria Market - it was nothing extravagant really, but oh it was so home-y. It even used the same cheap IKEA spoons we use at home!

I enjoy travelling on trains with ease, in comfort with my loyal MP3 player.

I also love looking out of the bus window and yelling 'thank you' to the bus driver while getting off.
And I absolutely enjoy walking, everywhere. To the bus stops, to the gym, to the stores, as a jog.
Walking, buses, trains. They seem like normal things one can do just anywhere. But certainly not happily all the time. What makes it so different in Melbourne?
The fresh air.
The organized public transport system.
The helpful and polite people.
The comfortable journey.
The scenery.
The people-watching.

It might seem to be insignificant, but it is a luxury to me as it is definitely not something one can do anywhere in the world. I know I never did it when I stayed in Malaysia and will never do it in Bangkok!
I enjoy spending time at the bus stop - just listening to the music, unwinding, and relax. Cause it means I did not miss the bus as well!

One thing I enjoy the most? Doing my own groceries :-) Thinking of what dishes to cook or experiment with. Getting the occassional treat (which are usually on specials) for hot summer days or cold winter nights! Suffering the consequences of forgetting to buy toilet rolls :-(
It is seriously fun to stroll along all the aisles in Coles - getting my Vanilla flavoured soymilk, updating my inventory of cereals, deciding on which vegetable to buy, etc. Sounds a bit too domestic or aunty-ish to you?
But, it is not something everyone can do, isn't it?
I love living so close to everyone in Melbourne. I can always hop to Daniel's house for his PS2, walk to Amy's house for pot-luck, stroll leisurely to the gym and not forgetting, always going to Ray's place for MarioKart, help him with his gardening or catching LiLet's rabbits which he is currently helping to bunnysit. See the picture of me wearing his over-sized slippers?

I enjoy the fashion there as well! They have a distinctive style. Hmmm, think faded denim, high waisted skirts, cream coloured sleeveless tops, bikinis and surfwear. The picture above is not the best description of fashion. . . . I am aware of that!
I love the penguins there though. . .

This last picture shows a decorative plate in the shape of a cat, nailed onto the top of a small porch-like thing built by Ray's housemate. He constructed the whole backyard into a small garden with wooden benches, bulbs like tulips, etc. And he has a pet cat called FuFu.
Sigh. . . I am missing my life in Melbourne.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Time travel

This is so surreal.

I was lying down on the carpet in Marshall yesterday morning.
I am sitting at the desk in Sunway right now.
I will be strolling around Bangkok tomorrow.

I met with Choo who was leaving for the UK at KLIA yesterday night.
I saw the same promoter as a year ago in Parkson today.
I am going to meet Kat and Ji whom I spent a week with in Thailand last year tomorrow.

I had a Malaysian meal on MAS yesterday.
I had a Vietnamese meal in Sunway today.
I might be having Japanese in Bangkok tomorrow.

I met angmohs and heard loadsa 'thank you's' and 'please's' yesterday.
I met Malaysians in Sunway Pyramid but no 'terima kasih's' or 'tolong's' today.
I am going to meet a lot of Thai's and get some 'koppungka's' tomorrow.


With the advancement and increased ease of travelling, we are able to go to more places, meet more people, appreciate more about cultures, learn more each country: explore the world.

Sometimes I feel like I am time-travelling. In the end, the travel part is just in a geographical sense. But by being where you once spent your life at or by being at a whole new place, somehow, it feels like I have gone back to the past or have stepped into the future, respectively.

Friday, January 16, 2009

My painful love ifction

My painful love fiction

Love can be as beautiful and also as painful as you can imagine. But what is the most painful love of all?

Being in fictional love story with a fictional character.

Why? Why? Why? . . . am I destined to suffer from this all the time?

Exploring this side of me has brought me painful memories and reminded me of my turbulent one-sided love story.

Why is this the most painful love of all?

1) It is always one-sided.
2) Or worse, when your love always have met their love of a lifetime.
3) He doesn't know you or will even know you.
4) You can never exist in the same world.
5) You can never communicate!
6) You have to imagine what it is like touching/smelling/seeing/stalking/etc him!

This last fact applies to absolutely fictional characters -

7) When their movie/game/etc is out of trend, you can't even stalk him on the internet to keep up with his professional development (ahem) or be a part of his life (ahem ahem) as the publishers have stopped investing in him *HORROR!!*

But by going through this painful story, I realized how true the saying is - "You learn something new about yourself from every relationship so it is never a waste of time or effort".


This story dates back to when I was around 7 years old - the awakening of love, burning first love inside me!

My first love was Mamoru Chiba's alter ego - the very dashing Tuxedo Mask from Sailormoon! I was so omg-ly in love with him that I started drawing him and *scrap Sailormoon* and put in ME (!!) together all the time muaks. But of course, his love story with Sailormoon grew stronger than ever and then suddenly out came a daughter and a kingdom he built with Sailormoon, so in the end, it kinda went blah.

My first love gave me the hobby of drawing manga and fantasizing in my own sweet time. I became girly, and my Mum was thankful.

My second love was a Tuxedo Mask look-a-like, I got a type when it comes to crushes you see! He is always the lead, bravest, hebat-est, strongest, most handsome character of all. If there were two of such characters, then my fantasies would move on to become one where I was involved in a love triangle with them. And of course, it would depict them fighting for me nyahahaha!

His name is Tamahome from Fushigi Yuugi oooh. He always appeared at the very last minute and saved everyone while sacrificing himself *sniff*. How to not like, I ask you. Anyway, his love story with Miaka *chiu* became too bizarre and I was going 'AAaaAAaaAA' from the story (I believe only my Sis would understand this description). So I moved on with a dented heart as I realised that 'simplicity is always the best'.

My third love would be the very first time I deviated from a fictional character, well although, the whole love affair was as fictional as you want it to be. But hey, I seriously seriously still believe that love can bring any two individuals together okay?! So, I loved Lee Brennan from 911. Questions? *Roar*

But man, I seriously was head over heels with him. From the tongue sticking action when water was poured onto him at the end of the 'Don't Make Me Wait' MV, the super boy-ish looks and playful voice of his. In fact, I secretly wrote his name on the tag of my bolster at that time and hugged the bolster to sleep every night. Aaa....childhood memories. Swwweeeettt! Then I started buying lotsa UK gossip magazines (Smash Hits, Top of the Pops, etc) and tremendously improved my English! Educational wei.

This is another Loretta-typo-guy: Sendoh. Wasn't really that big of a crush but I recorded an episode of Slam Dunk which described him as a hero among Japan basketball players and replayed it over and over again - until the tape got lost. But Sendoh made me take up basketball (for less than 1 month) and learn how to draw deliciously defined biceps :-) Sigh, wasn't too sad as my next love interest rocked me outta my socks, man!

My very first blonde investment. Not only that, he was a bad boy *lip-smacking* A gun-totting, cool and violent swearing machine and he is a (what?) monk! Don't you just love the cliche? Not to mention his sad story and purple eyes. Sanzo-sama (calling him Master muaks). What did I get outta Sanzo? My girlishness was somehow kinda gone. And, learnt loadsa meaningful quotes from him mainly about survival and the crude truth of what one has to do to survive.

My very next love interest would be the first very publicized one. Erm, come on now together my high school chums - Shane Westlife! Yeah. I liked Nicky at first and said that Shane looked like a wrinkly old man but like I said, love is a funny thing. I heard Shane's voice (and Nicky never opened his mouth T.T) and melted inside out. I loved his personality, his voice, his down to earth nature, his immense popularity, his Shane-ness (aka your highness style). This went on for 2 years I think.

Being publicised, I endured a lot of hardship from the negative gossips surrounding him to the 'Shane is gay!' stupid comment from Choo. So hard. I even thoughtof getting a sweater for him and send it over okay? Er, when I was in Form 2 la. Despite my love, this wasn't as hard as his popularity in Malaysia made it so easyto keep track with what he is doing, drool at new pictures and talk to friends like forever about him. I learnt to sing with some sorta tremble in my voice due to hours of practice with my Sis in the car and I could understand the Irish accent quite well. He is from Ireland, duh. Dia duit!

This marks the begining of a whole new chapter in my love story. He is not the main one, but omg, he shall bring me to my utmost desire and pain in the future. Squall Leonhart, my first Final Fantasy *oo, fantasy** heart throb. Gunblade, gloomy nature, and damn-it a cool looking scar! I teared up watching the ending of the game and flowers bloomed in my heart when 'Eyes on Me' played in the game.
Then I bought a big poster of him, bought a Griever keychain which weighted like 1 kg and hung it around my neck, insisted my class make a life-size gunblade for the class play just so that we could kill Eric's character with it while I keep the gunblade. I even cosplayed as Rinoa at home with my Sis, nyahaha. With Squall, I learnt about the miracles and joy games can bring to one's life.

Then I had a mini-crush on Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7. Neh, just a mini one.
This is another super publicized one and controversial as well seeing how the majority of my friends do not recognise my feelings for him or his talent *bleh*! Another major turning point seeing how he is so very different from Shane! Teruhiko Kobashi *oooooh lala* is full of energy, voice is imperfect by earnest, nonchalant but elegant and powerful as he commands the stage. Stop me, please. I started learning Japanese because of him and learnt that the best way to treat a sleepless night is to create love stories in your mind involving you and the special him!

Whee, here comes Tidus. The first time I turned on my my Final Fantasy X soundtrack and heard his voice, I knew it was love at first hearing. Goosebumps. Loved every bit of him in fact I spent the left over exam times during Semester 2 of Form 5 drawing him sliding down a rope, to save of course :-) I learnt that PS2 brings joy to your life, so people should love the Playstation franchise :-)

Things were calm for a while as I focused on Teru for a long long time. Then a dashing young man entered my life, my Mr Darcy. Can anyone really not love him? After that, I indulged in my Hero(es) Mr Peter Petrelli. But he went for a cheerleader la, younger than me lagi. Cis itu.

Things were blah for a while then suddenly without warning, I was swept away in love by my ex.

Since when did Cloud Strife become so positively hot and tempting?

The sad but strong puppy dog blue eyes. The imperfect but determined personality. The perfect hair for all ocassions. The silent battle he fights. The love of my life, omg.

I am seriously suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms after watching Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children and playing Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core did not help!
Yes, I am suffering rite not. Without a constant supply of Cloud Strife from SquareEnix, I am struggling to see the light. I cannot live on repeated YouTube videos of him, the same old pictures and not knowing how he is doing rite now!!!! Is he suffering? Is he happy? Is he well?

Can you see, my friends?

This is really the most painful form of love. And to those of you who are thinking, "Walau, otaku tuuuu!", I am sorry you could not understand. But to those few of you who are nodding in agreement, hold back your tears and always remember, I am here with you and we shall see this through together.

Love sighhhhhhhhhhhh.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My family 2009

My family 2009

To tell you the truth, I have never stayed together with everyone in my family before.

From ever since I could remember, Dad has been working elsewhere while I stayed in Sandakan with my Mum and Sis along with members of my extended family. This went on until college when I moved over to KL to stay with Dad while Mum and Sis stayed back. The plan was for them to move over to KL as soon as my Sis completes her secondary school years. Unfortunately, that very year, I decided to come over to Aussie for my Master degree.

Hence, I have never really stayed with everyone before in my family.

And, I have never stayed with both my parents before.

What brought about this realisation? The family trip to Melbourne in December.

There were a few occassions where I found myself thinking to myself, "This isn't like my family."

It's not particularly sad or regretful or depressing, at least to me. My heart just quivers for a split second.

I guess that is the sort of trade-off you get for every decision made. I decided to come over here, be apart from them. So it is just natural for them to have changed and for me to not have observed all of these changes.

Like when Steve got surprised when a deep voice greeted him when he called back before knowing it was his little brother on the phone. Funny little incidents.

Like when I got surprised knowing Choo got a girlfriend. Miraculous, huge incidents!

I remembered thinking:

Since when did Dad become so grumpy?
Since when did they eat fruits before dinner?
Since when did they squabble so much?

Do they even realize I feel left-out?

Again, the feeling is not sad nor anger, more like.....a sort of weird sourness.

Despite how close you are in blood or in bond, people change, don't they?
Someone you have been with all your life.
Someone you thought you knew.
Someone you call your family or soulmate.

I guess everyone is just following their course of life, chasing their goals and travelling on different paths so to have changed - is just a natural part of it. Nothing bad about it.

In fact, on a happier note, isn't it interesting and exciting to see how a person become what he is to become one day? I am excited for you!

Another 4 days until I return to KL, and it makes me wonder how things actually are back there. Hmmmmmmm.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

the 2.5

The 2.5

2.5 can mean a lot of things:

- kgs I lost in 6 months time.
- cm of hair growing past my eyebrow.
- slices of bread I ate for lunch.
- episode of 'At Home Dad' I watched today.
- degree Celcius in change of temperature to be expected tomorrow.
- number or job application I have composed.
- nails I have bitten in the afternoon.
- extra kgs I used for weight training today.

Today 2.5 means:

- everything happy :-)

And when I am happy, I get high on romanticism:-

The Sky Theme for FFX.

Steve do not click on this!

Monday, January 12, 2009

The contact lens battle

The Contact Lens Battle
Ever since I switched from dowdy-glasses to contact lenses - wait for it - I started becoming more appearance conscious. Not that I felt prettier though, I felt uglier.

Okay, suddenly everything, including my own reflection in the mirror, became too clear for its own good and at all times! Before that, wearing my glasses, my reflection on the mirror would look:

1) Incomplete as the glasses cover most of my face (kolot big glasses) and my eyes.
2) Blurry as my lens were almost always greasy, loaded with finger-prints.

But with contact lenses, all of a sudden, my own reflection became:

1) Too perfectly complete with the clearer eyesight and omg, nothing covering my face!
2) Clear as in every single pore and how dirty it is kinda clear.

Hence started my own little battles with my body-image *oooooohhh*

Honestly, before the appearance of the almight contact lens in my life, I was a hermit. Oh dear, did everyone know about my hermit era already? Okay fine, I was a hermit with no concern regarding my appearance. I did not think that I was ugly, I did not think that I was pretty. I was just erm, hmm, er, there. Me. Hello.

I lived through everyday wearing the same T-shirt and shorts and slippers and this impeccably 'casual' style brought me from my house's kitchen to tuition classes to the crocodile farm to the biggest supermarket in Sandakan *cue for oooooohhhh*

But then came the day when Mrs Lo thought I should start wearing contact lenses to upgrade my confidence level and help me shoot outta my hermit shell. And Hermits do not fight so it was neither a yes nor a no from me, and whee, it just happened.

See! Even my Sis has longer hair than me and appeared more like a girl than me, justice?

'Whee the trees are so green, that baby over there is so cute, the polo-bun (it was very popular back then in Sandakan, ok!) over there is selling for RM1 only, AND MY DARK CIRCLES ARE THE COLOUR OF MUM'S NESCAFE KAO KAO!' *thunder+lightning*

That was back in Form 3. Suddenly, my nose was too big, round and looked like a rotten strawberry *cue for awwwwww* (cos of the blackheads sniff). I remember telling my mum this, "Why is my nose so big?" to which she answered, "Erm, how can it suddenly be big?"

Black strawberry, the image in my mind was obviously way more hideous than this.

I was also too hairy. A fact, haha. Just that I never knew they were so damn visible to the naked eye!

After a while, I thought I was too dark. Not that I did not realize I was dark when I was wearing glasses but I just did not realize how dark I was in comparison to all the other girls in my class. Yes, I started comparing myself with others.

Then, I thought my face was too pimply and oily - I called myself a 'pepperoni pizza' *cue for awwwwww* I would glance at myself in the mirror and get frustrated about it. Well, it certainly did not help that I had an acne problem during that time. I got more frustrated when they started multiplying without my permission (duh) and that I had no control over them. I remember thinking, "This is my face! Who are you to grow all over it! ROAR" before slumping down to, "Okay. Grow all you want. I don't care anyway!" I would secretly gaze at my friend's fair and clear complexion while talking to themand my heart would tighten a bit. Sigh-sigh.

I was not fat at all during then. Seriously okay? But suddenly, I 'looked' fat! I have this 'big' tummy and 'flabby' arms and 'wide' butt. Why I had that perception still riddles me cause I was basically so skinny without trying that I had no boobs (cry me a river) and was only a mere 42 kg at my current height (wahaha, yes I did not grow at all apalah!). It started when I went to camp and shared a room with a few of the extra-skinny girls from my class. Then we were changing and one of them pointed out, "Wah, Loretta you have no waist!" Bingo, I started to have selective eyesight then.

Then it went downhill - hairy face, unruly hair, chapped lips, weirdly shaped ears, wrinkly hands, even an abnormal teeth structure.

All because of contact lenses.

But I guess it did me good.

As I aged, I became more appreciative and acceptive when it comes to appearances. I loved myself for who I was more and more each year.

Well, my nose is not as big as it seemed to be, haha maybe cause it shrank during the cold winters here!

And the hairy issue, I have always been hairy. So everyone would have known it by then and you know what, it would be even weirder and more obvious to everyone if this famous trait of mine vanished suddenly one day! Imagine being asked, "Eh, I thought you are quite hairy, where is all the hair, mate?" *in Aussie accent somemore!?* Furthermore, some reports have emerged saying that some people find hairy people 'sexy'. Omg, sexy wei. And according to reliable sources, Michelle Reis is a hairy person as well! Omg, I am like Michelle Reis wei.

The thought that I was too dark was the result of the successful collaboration between my 'comparing' and 'selective eyesight' traits. I was comparing myself to those impossible fair ones. Skin colour makes you unique, rite? I am totally okay with my skin colour rite now. I call it the colour of caramel - sweet, lovable and calorie-ladden *nyahaha*.

The pimple issue got me the worse seriously. But eventually, the hormone-raged (don't get me wrong, ngaum!) era was gone and I was back on my feet, picking up the pieces. After that I would freak out everytime I see a small pimple anywhere on my face and worry myself sick. But I have come to accepted that pimples, they are just a natural part of my body. Now, I see one, get annoyed,complain about it, resist the urge to demolish it and forget about it. Whee!

The fat issue. Despite all the complaints the whining about my weight issues, honestly I am at peace with my own body. It is not an award-winning bikini body and I still get insecure over showing my tummy area, but I do not dislike it at all. In fact, in the process of getting fat and then losing it again within these 2 years I have really enjoyed seeing the result of exercise and a healthy diet on my own body. I still have sky high confident days and down to the drain body image days. But, I'm usually happy, whoo!

After this long rambling post, I guess I must say that, body image can be a really threatening issue if not confronted and controlled. No one will ever be perfectly satisfied with their own body I guess, unless everyone wears a pair of glasses or contact lenses equipped with photoshop/airbrush function so that everyone else they see including themselves look magazine cover worthy.

But at least, be at peace with your own body, appreciate what was given uniquely to you by your parents and learn to love it.

Then life will seem better and even the sun will seem brighter - and you know what a bright sun does to pictures - wonders!

I just wanted to put this picture of me, to say - See wasn't I very extremely cute!?


Sunday, January 11, 2009

This 2009

'A new year always promises new beginings' - is what I have always believed in, without me realizing it.

New beginings as in changes in life, the entering of another phase, the outlook for something new, the realization of a new dream, the making of new aims/goals.

Hence, new year resolutions. Despite so, I have never been one who makes and chases after new year resolutions. After all, there is no reason to wait till a new year for one to make changes for oneself. Thus, now I think -

A new year usually brings changes due to inevitable or to a certain extent, arranged events in life (entering a new school, aging a year, etc) but we ourselves create the 'begining' thus, the 'ending' as well.

This 2009, I see major 'beginings' in my life :-) For better or worse, here I come!

Yours Truly is finally starting her career path. 2008 was a life-changing year for me - overturned my career outlook totally, found a new passion I want to build a career on. 2009 will be one I work hard on. Whenever I think of this I always see a picture:

Me in my running shoes which are slightly dirty, standing at the begining of a long and winding path of which the destination is out of sight. I see myself biting my own lips, heart beating fast, body a bit shaky nevertheless stretching and warming up for the challenge. In this picture, the sun is always shining and there are always all sorts of greens everywhere - hence a happy picture *despite the depressing stories of unemployment haha*

Being a fresh graduate, I think I can be forgiven if I am slightly too ambitious, too hopeful or expecting too much of my future? I might crash and burn, but then again, this is life I guess. Give it your all and face all that it's gonna throw back at ya!

I am really really, looking forward to how this journey is gonna be for me. Stories, both good and bad from friends of all walks of life, have always intrigued me so badly. Frankly, I couldn't wait to jump into this phase last year. It was just amazing seeing how different people could end up in all these places, achieveing something they could call their own.

And now, I shall begin this chapter of my life.

Second, my location. I have decided to stay here in Australia and have proceeded on with the relevant applications. Although the decision to stay has always seemed to be like a norm to most of those who studied over here, but when it comes to you yourself - it ends up being a huge decision after all.

All my years here, I have spent as a student. Now, deciding to stay and work over here - I feel like I am building my own life. That might be a bit exaggerative but I felt that way, really!

New life as in, a lifestyle different from what I was taught or practiced before this. Where I can venture more into independence. Where I can plan for a future different from what I previously envisioned.

I really enjoy my life here appreciating things never before in the previous 20 years of my life (omg, sounds so old). Just like what MengFai misses about this place. Although I don't know how long I can or will stay here, but I see now the kind of life I want to work towards.

Another major thing will be my family :-) The opportunity to study/ work overseas is great but there is also the great loss of not being able to see/talk/be with your loved ones for extended period of time. I must admit I have not tried hard enough last year. Despite the many phone calls to my Mum, Dad and Sis - I was rather out of touch with my Grandma, cousins and aunts/uncles.

Even with my own family who I called back to so much, I felt like they changed and it kinda breaks my heart knowing I felt so. It scares me to think of how the others have changed as well.

This new year also sees a lot of friends and neighbours moving further away due to job demands, etc. A lot of us live really close to each other as we used to study in the same uni. We saw each other graduate, settling into their first jobs, had our share of laughter and screams, BBQ-ed/hotpot-ed/cooked/hiked/road-trip-ed/movie-nighte-ed together. It makes me sad to know we willbe further apart but also happy to know they are moving on with life :-)

One important thing about 2009 is - seeing a happy begining with Mr Ray :-)

Our priorities/outlooks/ hopes/ situations in life have changed. But it was great to have grown through all of these with him. And the best thing is the thought of him still puts a smile on my face on those gloomy days when my confidence is down the drain or on days when I just have nothing better to do. 2008 was quite an interesting year, here is to a terrific 2009 :-)


Those were not resolutions :-)

More like, revelation of what I feel this 2009. The beginings I look forward to.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

My Christmas and Birthday!

I am now 22 years . . . . and 9 days old. Wheee. Sigh. Hoho. Oh no. *Quarter-life crisis?*

It really is true when they say time moves fast once you go past your 21st year. 9 days just whooooooped past me, like in a blink or half a blink! I am so not used to declaring myself as a 22 year old. . . . not yet. I shall step into Forever 21 with pride and try on all the clothes there!

This year's birthday was a blast, but a different kinda blast - homey and warm and sweet. The first time I spent it without my Dad. The first time I spent it with Ray.

Before that I forgot to tell you guys something! I attended my very first thematic party ever! Erm, days before my 21 y.o. year ended - yer, so uncool rite? For Xmas 2008, Miss Yiki was kind enough to organize a Back To School Kris Cringle Christmas Party.

The night where all the 21/22/23/24 year olds dressed up in knee-high socks, headbands, short mini skirts - utter cutesiness. I felt young again!

This was the most perfect class picture outta the whole lot! Sam (with the dog) was particularly high up in the sky, for reasons unknown!

All the girls! Limelight stealers. I mean, Back To School this theme, if it were an all boy's night, you think anyone would be interested to go?

WenJi and Me. Moments before we broke into dancing for Cyndi Wang's 'Ai Ni! *deng deng deng deng deng. . . *

Our latest hobby - pull opposing faces on camera. I am getting so good at this, I am gonna put it on my resume.

This was meant to be a shot of the beautiful Xmas tree Yiki&Co set up, but all the camwhores swoooooooooped in - thus, look at the tip of the Xmas tree la.

It was a great night. For the Kris Cringle? I got a nice teddy bear :-) Thanks to whoever chose it! And as for who I gave mine to? Use your imagination nyeh.
December is always a month of celebrations. The best time of the year for everyone.
Cause it's a month of countdown towards my birthday. Woahohohohoho.

The celebration kicked off pretty early actually, with the first surprise cake being from my Dad and Bro Eddie while we were in Brisbane as both of them could not make it back to Melbourne with me for the actual day.
Phwoar. . . . Baskin Robbins cake - insides were strawberry ice cream - rainbow pattern - only one candle (hence no telling of age nyahaha!). It was so sweet of them!
Back in Melbourne, I was waiting for the surprise until 12.10 a.m. Don't call me 'muka tembok' for waiting for a surprise from others on my own birthday! Although Uncle Ray learnt a thing or two about surprising others, he is still bad at keeping the whole thing to himself. Either this, or I am damn smart.
So feeling weird, a tad-bit disappointed, confused and honestly, a bit malu for expecting something. Miss Lo took off her contact lenses, washed her face, changed into her pyjama, skipped the sit-ups, curled up in bed and fell asleep for 10 minutes.
Around 12.30 a.m., the surprise came. Wheee -.-"
Hence, forgive the extremely aunty looking Me in the following pictures and NO, I did not age that much in years, fashion sense, hair-style, energy level over the night! I am still the fun-loving, active, chatterbox-y, cute, optimistic and crazy 21-year-old me at heart!
Mum and Lowena were not wearing their glasses and you can see their eyes. Cher.
Ray and the cake he made. While he was fully awake, I wonder why his eyes were still so hard to find hmmm.
Everyone who came for the surprise, it was really tops! Thank you so much. Thank you for dressing up so nicely. Thank you for making me look like the maid of the house. Thank you. Thank you.
This is the hummingbird cake made by Ray. He picked the ingredients, baked, decorated and sent it over. Not bad eh? The frosting is amazing in taste, and also in expanding my waistline. Thanks so much, dear.
I mentioned how much I love Lindt Cafe in Sydney, rite? WenJi brought this cake from Lindt Cafe, Sydney all the way back. Okay, help me hold back my tears,and snot. 2008 had been a year of ups and downs, messy backyards, missing thighs/socks and watching a 24-hour McDonalds prospering opposite our house. Let's look forward to 2009 now :-)
Time for the pressies! :-)

I received this from Yiki, WenJi, Felix and WooHsian. A real nice leather bag - very WenJi, very brown haha.

Since my wallet broke, Mum got me this wallet from Esprit. It was really spacious and soft - meaning I can put in loads and it is expandable!

Sis got me this eyeliner from Shu Uemura. Speaking of which, I just noticed that this brand cannot be found in Australia, am I right? So, Lok actually brought me something RARE for my birthday!? Now this is RARE!

This is the Graduation+Birthday gift I received from Bro Eddie and Sis Leena. Exactly to be expected from the practical guy himself.

It even has my name on it!

This is another wallet I received from Ray. Nice choice I must say :-) It is a slim fit wallet. Contrary to the one my Mum gave me, this disallows me from stuffing everything and anything into my wallet. Sigh. Controlling-nya si Ray.
Olivia's gift? It is a secret!!
Thank you to all you nice people out there who left me an sms/Facebook message/ chatbox shout out wishing me a happy birthday - believe me, it got way happier because of you all!
So that's my December for you all!
Am I looking forward to more gifts? Sure yeah!
Am I busy looking for gifts for everyone back in Malaysia? Sure yeah!
Let's keep the present-giving tradition alive!