Friday, August 31, 2007

Cruel Un-Intentions

Hm, lately I found that the laugh of the day usually comes at night when you are least prepared. (Ouch, I slammed the drawer into my finger. One of the three fingers that can actually type. I wonder if this karma to what I did and am about to do?)

I must thank Amanda for being a real friend, one who is so confident in me, or maybe too gullible to be around me, to believe that I could really achieve the impossible.
This is a brief account of our PRIVATE chat. And while you read, mark the point where you start suspecting fishiness and prove my innocence.

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
victoria's secret angel? u mean Victoria's Secret !? lingerie shopwear?

hIkArI* Cutting away from the mortal world. Cos becoming an angel mah.... Victoria secret angel! says:
yaya.. couldn't u guess it? so obvious.. i am the model there!
******** Point 1
ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
eh actually u mean they ask u to audition to become a lingerie model?
or are u actually talkin about something else?
hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
it is true la.. i dunno why! Scared me to death! ....but also a bit embarassing..
******** Point 2

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
wow shouldnt u be pleased that they actually asked u to audition!? it shows that ur body is FIT FIT FIT!!!!
hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
Hey, how did thye even know abt my body? I din give them pics at all!!

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
Then explain why they called u up?
U must have made a really GREAT impression la!! Thts why they remember u...

hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
i am so not over the shock now... I mean, pls la!
Remember the tummy i showed u a few hours ago?

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
Its a SEEEXXXXXYYYYYYYYYYY midriff! Not a tummy!

hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
n till today i still am searching for my midriff...

******** Point 3

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
imagine urself.. wearing nothing but lingerie!!!

hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
can u imagine tht?? ? ??? The shame i am abt to bring monash?

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
r u sure u didn make a mistake?

hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
no la! They called me to tell... Cos I asked them wat to expect!

******** Point 4

hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
but with my body?? my face?? no model look la!!

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
your body is FINE. Your looks is GREAT ok.. i personally think u have really classic features..
They just took a quick glance, and quickly assessed you as BOLEH!!!
hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
too quick a glance haha....

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
so self belittling... i dun want to DISCUSS this with u!! wait till i broadcast it to everyone else!

hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
dun tell anyone la...

******** Point 5

hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
can i publish parts of this chat on my blog?
******** Point 6

ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
cos u r in the.......
Prank LolaLo show!
hIkArI* I know u all are exctied about Merdeka, but can you please cut down the LOUD MUSIC? says:
a lignerie model??
not in 19933403 million years!
Now in which point did u sense, or maybe am already truly convinced that I was lying? I hear a lot of Point 1s... So my innocence is proved. I am not evil in this case but mt chat partner is too innocent and gullible. To live in this cruel world of harsh reality, one must not be too innocent and gullible. Although what I am doing may seem bad, but it is for her own good!
Also, the part where she mentioned about me having a FINE body and CLASSIC features, is acutally pretty much irrelevant but I just wanna post it here. No reasons la. Wanna post meh post lo~
To prove that there are no fabrications involved in the chat log, just look at my parts. Typo everywhere. Why did I not change all of them into proper english to save the embarrassment? Just to show that, every single line is true. And too bad that there is this no-fabrication rule, cos the MSN nickname of my chat partner, is pretty much damn obvious.... haha! So what chat partner la, Amanda it is~
Now to show that this was not an intended lie:

As good as I am,
I can never make up,

I've made it up to u ya, Amanda! No more of this ok:
ĄмåñĐẶ ŁĕęĶũǻŊ people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be says:
I WILL SLAUGHTER YOU TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Lately I have been reading a book titled 'The Unexplained'. It is about the creatures or events in the past which are considered mythical, fantasy cos we cannot explain them! Now, isn't that obvious? And I was very very amused by the amount of documented sightings of all these creatures, from merfolks to the Loch Ness, Spontaneous Human Torch to fairies. Isnt it a shame that we no longer hear of such sightings?

This was a book I accidentally took from my cousin brother approximately 9 years ago. It was too attached to me and didn't wanna return to its original owner. Not that I din wanna return it.

But it drove me to think. Probably we do see these creatures but then due to the extremely advanced world we live in, maybe we could have disregarded them as something else! A fairy in front of a building can be taken as part of the advertisement on the big TV screen things. Some gnomes near the garden as some ugly sculpted work. A mermaid being chased down as a big fat tuna.

But just when I thought that our world is out of mysteries or magic, only then I realized. What am i talking about? The biggest mystery and magic is rite before my very eyes. Something so unexplained and plain,.....mind-boggling.

The computer.

How every single key on something as flat as a keyboard convey the exact alphabets.

How a single wire can trace your movement on the mouse on the screen.

How these things, yes, THINGS on the screen can become reality just through a printer?

And oooh, the screen, something in front of u, but then it is not really in front of u. Just like an imaginary piece of paper, or many papers! Cos the pages keep changing, and changing. The best thing is, despite all these pages, it is not THICK!

And then, how does a simple CLICK do so much. I mean if everything on the screen itself is not really, erm there or REAL (for if u suddenly turn off ur laptop,, then how does a click really act on it?

Even as I update this blog, how does every single word get recorded when all these do not really exist (?)! Where is it. . . . ?

What kinda dimension is my laptop connecting me to? And with these, erm, 3 wires?

(And my boyfriend studies engineering!! What is wrong with me?)

Somehow, to me at least, the computer and the internet is like magic.
Unexplanable, and amusing.

As I look up to the sky, I wonder if that is where the Internet is really hiding.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Heart to heart Talk

Today I had a heart-warming talk with one of the most caring friend I have. After this talk, it is now and forever, baby.

Knowing me, I always forfeit stuffs that require public appearances (despite the celeb status, i know i know). But I am easily baited by free samples of .....everything. Especially beauty products.

So on one fine day back when I still enjoyed the food of the new campus (ages ago isnt it?), I entered a competition just for fun, to try my luck and yeah yeah, for the free sample. Which by the way is still sitting all comfy in my SUPER DUPER SAMPLE COLLECTION BAG.

Now, relate that to this other scenario. Throbbing veins on a clearly oily face. A head full of hair clips of all sorts as any dropping hair is an annoyance. Oversized glasses resting at the nose tip. Frantically typing fingers with frantic backspacing action (typo rules my life). Then came a call.

Apparently I got chosen for a contest which requires an audition (wah, finally this word is related to me). Naturally I rejected it. Why?

1) Reports were driving me out of my mind.
2) I am a big chicken at these things
3) .....I totally forgot what it was.

So i fumbled in the phone for a while. Then resumed my work. Then I kinda regretted my decision! Well, I am a bit scared of the whole thing. But excitement and curiosity tortured me inside out. Haha.

Luckily I have a kind friend who gave me courage in a way, so gentle but sure. I can't help but show the world her greatness.

hIkArI* I crave going Tawau. says:
last nite i got a call, to go for an audition, looking for commercial models

HSC - Jennifer's mum says:
they call u? LOL (i wonder y she LOL-ed?)

HSC - Jennifer's mum says:
jus giv it a shot. u r so youngg. must be daring to try out mar...
surprise urself. dun act like an insecure auntie (as always) ok?

hIkArI* I crave going Tawau. says:
this time i really am michelle reis lo! Hahahaha.....

HSC - Jennifer's mum says:
michelle reis my foot. if hair then u become Beyonce? or Eva longoria?

hIkArI* I crave going Tawau. says:
i think i AM eva longoria now

HSC - Jennifer's mum says:
u haf alwez been Eva longoria in my heart

hIkArI* I crave going Tawau. says:
i know n i am proud of it

HSC - Jennifer's mum says:
HAHAHA. amy will kill u. she has alwez wanted to be eva..
(do u think they will call again)? ahha

Seriously, thanks for all the SUPPORT, friend.
And the honesty in the Eva part!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Once upon a September

IF Once Upon a December, reminds you of heavenly melodies, tingling piano notes. (Okay, that was ChunMing version, but allow me to promote it ONCE again. You are now a click away from a BEAUTIFUL DECEMBER)

THEN Once Upon a September, will never let you forget of its terrorizing grips of off-key notes. At least for me.

If you want a reason, just check out my little FUN timetable below, which a combinatorial creation from all my beloved lecturers in Monash Malaysia :)

27 Aug - Genomics Report (17.5%) [32 pages of sweat]
28 Aug - Crop Science Report (5%)
3 Sept - Genomics Essay (15%)
7 Sept - Crop Science Field Trip (8 am morning breeze)
- Physio Test (10%)
- Physio Report (5%)
10 Sept - Plant Biotech Test (25%)
12 Sept - Plant Biotech Report (2%) [Isn't this sweet of them? Aww....]
14 Sept - Physio Presentation (5%)
17 Sept - Plant Biotech Presentation (5%) [I am going to sue someone regarding this issue]

Aren't they sweet to allow us a maximum of 4 days in between each assignment?

You can't really blame me for thinking myself as a celebrity from time to time. Afterall, at least I have a timetable to match. And not to mention the other 'values' that I shall not repeat again haha.

Even if I wanna deny this FACT, it remains a tough feat! Why?

Imagine standing up to ready to leave after a lecture, only to find the paparazzi (in the Fame post, who I shall name as in NAME, if the resulting pictures are ugly again), taking secret snapshots of me again. This time it was worse, for beside her, were two of mine (Take that!). I am living in the public eye.

Maybe that is why, my personal assistant QB, gave me an extra gentle reminder today.

A Panda bread? Well, I do resemble one seeing this humongous dark circle I carry around with me like a medal lately. While I know appearance is important for a celebrity... I better not get carried away.
Maybe she meant I was as precious as a panda. Or as cute. Or as warm. Or as cuddly! Or as This cannot be! It definitely meant I had graduated with first class honours in the Dark-Circle-League! Or else, she could have easily bought me a Giselle Bundchen bread or maybe a Michelle Reis one! Won't that suit me much much more?
Anyways, I will remember to rest more. So my chances of being with Milo (Peter Petrelli yo~~ hou sui gor, make ppl mention hoho) will be higher.

Friday, August 24, 2007


Everytime around 1-3 pm in the Monash library, I get a very strange feeling. This might feel strange as it is not caused by something I see or hear or whatever it is. Just the feeling. The atmosphere itself is quite different and so is everything else. But somehow, it just reminds me of my Sibuga homeland.

The place where I spent the first 12 or 13 years of my life in, staying with a big family including both my paternal grandparents and some aunts and uncles.

Maybe it is the slight sunlight creeping in from the glass panels.
The sense of tranquility accompanied by the humming of silence.
Small noises here and there.

But all in all, there is just no explaining how this feeling came.

Whenever I think about afternoons in Sibuga, I imagine…

…lying around doing nothing in T-shirts and shorts..
…walking around the mango trees under the blue skies..
…running away from dogs and chasing birds under the sun…
…watching my grandma cook all sorts of dishes..
…catching grasshoppers as pets in a plastic bag…
…badminton or more like badminton-wannabe-s with all sorts of victory stances…
…loads of fruits, sweets and beverages in the fridge..
…TV time everynight with everyone..

It was like a never ending summer vacation.

I miss Sibuga really. Nothing has changed with my grandparents and the place itself.
Although this feeling I have now, is not really Sibuga, I am enjoying it.

I am Sibuga-girl.

And now I am at a very very complex dilemma!

Actually it is not really tht hard after all, there are only two choices:
a) Stay back and concentrate on the mountain of work
b) Be a Sibuga-ian for 2 days and not feel bad abt having my group members rush work for me.

ISnt this a tought choice?
Haha, this is about going to Tawau for a wedding ceremony. Where all my Sibuga-ians (grandma n grandpa) and my aunts and uncles and wahlau, everyone will be!!

But Monash is never kind to me.
I shall make them suffer as well.

I just keel on failing.
Or graduate and be a bad worker while flaunting my degree everywhere.
Quoting SiewChin, "Get the engineering degree and go sell bread while displaying it proudly".

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Being a relatively normal gal with maybe a small streak of beauty and brains and body and personality and ....oh, I better not make it sound so exaggerated. Okay, the point is, I expected to go through a life of simplicity.

Still innocently watching and commenting on celebrity news with my sis last nite, little did I know that my fate would somehow be the same as these poor poor celebrities. To be hunted down just for a picture, or worse still to be watched like an endangered species everywhere I go.

For not realizing this earlier,
maybe I was too insensitive,
maybe the people around me were to good at hiding it.

Either way, reality never hides its ugly face for too long.

I finally understood how some of these celebs felt like when they were sold of their personal stories to the tabloid. Worse still, by their own friends. The horror and the heartache.

And lemme emphasize that by saying celeb, I dun mean the 'celeb' in Amy's context.
I was being paparazzied or more like photographed in secret.

Me and my personal assistant *ahem* QB (cool ppl go by initials). Pondering on how to handle or more like dodge the huge crowd near the exit of the lecture hall.

Me with my big handbag (celeb ma...), giving out signatures to some fans *ahem*. Too bad the picture failed to capture the long line leading behind. Afterall the security was tight. Notice the big, burly bodyguard at the edge of the pic? He was a camera-shy sofite at heart ;)
Me having a normal day out at the Cafe with some girlfriends. Just a simple gossipping session which I dun usually get to enjoy in privacy *ahem*. Notice the innocent hand gestures. Little did I know, privacy is the last thing I get for being famous.
Just simple me eating a simple apple. A normal scenario. I wonder why it becomes an object of interest to others? I din even know it was this camera-worthy *ahem*.
Me eating an apple again. Now they are gonna speculate on whether I am dieting again to maintain The Body. *ahem*
So I took the advantage of publishing these pictures first. Or else, it will be manipulated by other publishing magazines to earn a heap again. So u saw it here first (and not anywhere else ever again, i suppose?).
Sometimes, I wish life will remain simple and carefree forever.
And lesson learnt through this?
Paparazzis love ur ugly pics.
Shoutout to Paparazzi Cher-eew (See, I am helping u conceal ur identity here, ur privacy!). Can't u take better pics of mine?
Okay, maybe this is hard. Let me rephrase -
Can't u just delete the ugly pics of mine??

Monday, August 20, 2007

Grandma says the cutest things

My grandma came from Sandakan and are staying with me for now. Oh, did I forget to mention my mum, my sis, my auntie and her little daughter are here as well? Nah, it is not really that noisy at home. Nah, they dun really talk that much. Nah, they are real CUTE when i am doing my assignment. *sniffs*

While u might expect the younger ones to be cuter, well in my sis's case, it is definitely not possible and u know it. In my little cousin's case, it really is not as well.

For one, the two of them started suffocating my NEW exercise ball the first nite upon arrival. So, now my exercise ball is not an overnight exercise donut. Then there are those innocent giggles that quickly transformed into witch-y cackles which are copyrighted solely to my sis. And then the toothless grin of my little cousin that somehow reminds me of a certain little voice inside my memory saying, "Arabidopsis" in a slang I can demonstrate to u anytime.

Well, these are both poor souls who have lost their cuteness at the young age of 17 and 7, respectively. (I tend to use the word 'respectively' a lot, after a series of report writing) This came as a new knowledge to me, who thought that with myself as an example, cuteness is preserved for life.

My grandma is another case though!
And these mini stories contain dialogues of direct translation from cantonese, for full effect.

During a buffet dinner, I noticed a purple coloured jelly on top of her PILE (and literally, PILE!) or fired rice. Strange combination, but I must respect my grandma's personal taste so I refrained from asking. But, little Lowena just loves asking everything. So she asked of it. Then my Grandma said, "No la, these are pei dan (century eggs)." Lowena countered,"Hohoho, they are jellies ah po. You eat eat and see." We all waited with drumrolls of heartbeat. Final verdict from Grandma," Ya oh, really sour goh...." So she had three Raspberry hellies with chinese fried rice. Fusion.

Then one fine night, my room was filled with cackles of evil laughter from some bullying stunts on the littlest one of the family by the elephant-est one in the family. Then my Grandma said kindly, "Choo choo, go back into ur room and sleep. Kah sis needs to do her work!" So my cousin obediently went to her room (after some struggling and threatening and chasing), leaving her pile of blanket on my bed. The elephant one continued to dwell like a corpse on my bed. Then my Grandma came to my door and asked, "Choo Choo eh?" We refuted with innocent eyes, "She is still here la. Ui ui, go back to ur room and sleep! PoPo calling u!" All the time, motioning and talking to the pile of blanket. My grandma frowned, focused her glasses, looked up and down. We tot the trick was exposed and went back to do our own stuff. After wat seem like detailed scrutinizing for 2 minutes, my Grandma said, "I am locking the door la, if u dun come out!" While we were paralyzed in laughter, this was heard from the next room, "Eh, why are u here! How did u run here!"

And this is the ultimate one. Everyone was miding their own business in the quiet tiny lot we rented in Bukit Tinggi. Then my Grandma asked, "Kah, Zhi Chong (buasir, haemorrhoid) Street got a lot of things sell ah?" I perked my ears and asked, "Zhi Chong?" Grandma said with a twinkle in her eye, "Ya oh, Zhi Chong Street oh." "U mean Chee Cheong Street (Petaling Street) is it?" Grandma chuckled, "Oh yaya! That one!" But it was too late, the conversation had already reached the broadcast station called Lowena (FM 888.88). How do we know? U just cannot miss the AMPLIFIED laughter of hers.

Then there was this atmospheric dimly lit japanese restaurant we entered. Grandma said, "Aiyo, no electricity ah!", before walking wrongly into its kitchen area an hour later.

My Grandma brings joy to my life.
I wonder what would happen if she can read this.

** For the various references of people (e.g. elephant one) that might be confusing, check the colour coding.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Leg Drama

-mantshun- says:
what i think is.. that old man was one of the 4 keyblade wielder.. bad one. defeated at the WAR OF KEYBLADE. then end up lost his memory.. but dunno how in Xenohart's form. the Ansem found him and so on.... not sin ka geh...

hIkArI* Pure Soul and Egao no Ooi Hi bakari Janai. says:
like tht still not sin ka??

....As if I had a chance encounter with Mr Tetsuya Nomura. Another self-proclaimed Kingdom Hearts expert. When I say 'another', it means I do know another more notorious one out there. Let us just pray that I get some evidence to show it here soon!

Anyway the point is no this, in my post today!
Now, I seriously think my legs are very unlucky. Yes, my LEGS.

It is the fourth week of uni and surprisingly I managed to hurt my legs thrice, asked for plaster from WanRu twice, limped for at least 5 days and went to a doctor once. Just because of this long pair of legs of MINE. I am currently trying to generate a graph to correlate length of legs with risk of accidents. Looking for the right journal to publish on.

Incident 1:

I was unpacking and MSN-ing.
Leg got stuck between a box and my luggage.
Forced it out, with an air of indifference.
Sprained and tortured by a chiropractor.

** I got to wear a knee protector n looked cool like sportmen do!

Incident 2:

Spanking new metallic red shoes. (My beloved MerahMerah)
Striking green top to go with it.
Strutted down my condo with birds singing in the sky.
Ran when the bus was about to leave.
Loss of skin and pride as I walked like a limp.
In my NEW shoes.

** I got something from WanRu for free!

Incident 3:

Sitting on the bus listening to dear Teru singing 'Mirror'.
Humming along as I indulge in the beauty of a stretch of colourful Kancil.
About to get off the bus.
Leg scrapped on some metal. Looked.
No blood, luckily.
But how come it stings one? Looked.
Wah, many blood oh, dang.

** I got to put on a Hello Kitty plaster from WanRu, er, for free again!

With all these unfortunate things happening to my beautifully sculpted super-model shiny legs, I am so worried of what is yet to come. What if a random alien laser beam hit me on my legs and then suddenly all my leg hair disappear? What should i do then? Wait for them to do my hands intead?

Sometimes, things are just so complicated and life unpredictable.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

St. Mike Dreams

I was sorting out some old photos today when I suddenly stumbled upon some gems..

Gems as in them being rare, precious, joy-inducing and just the mere sight of it calms ur soul.
Might be confiscated and banned for its effects which are kinda drug-like.
I was all dizzy, high, floaty, with a frozen grin and uncontrollable fits of laughter, all these symptoms. Now, I can't stop thinking about it.

I found these, actually. And there's a story to it!

Being young little innocent children at that time year 2005. Back when I was still a full-fledged teenager. Now I am a tween-ager. And forever, I shall be in this stage, I declare here! Ok, back to the topic, me and some high school teenagers in the BESTIE category of mine, went to do some exploring in our high school, around midnight. When I mention midnight, I bet u r anticipating for something exciting to happen. Well yeah, definitely.

The place where we were tormented with naggy speeches, bad debating skills and pain-stakingly funny drama during Form 4. Suddenly we were the kings and queens of St. Mike School Hall. Can u feel the excitement there?

U know why this is valuable? This is taken during the Pregnancy Era of Choo. Hm, I think this is the 8th Month Stage. Correct me if I am wrong ok Steve? (Steve - the sudden, unknowing accomplice).

This is one of the times when Choo realized one of his high school fantasies. To be close to me. Look at his face, so got 'feel'! With me being 0.6% prettier now, sometimes I worry that he might fall for me ALL OVER AGAIN.

PoWah and his sifu Choo. Here marks the begining of PoWah's transformation into the "current" version. The classic tactics for stealing erasers from Pig Intestines. *Sob*
....I really hope Choo's girlfriend sees this. Hoho.
Here is PoWah living his own high school dream. Pulling that face at Salty.
"My karate geng leh.....heh heh heh." *Shudder*

Oh, see Steve and Choo fulfill their *sob* biggest fantasies. To stand there tall and proud. To be respected. To be a prefect. It was a very touching moment. I swear I saw a glisten of tear in the eyes of Steve as he strutted his long awaited walk across that small corridor. And there was the shiver seen on Choo's then 8 month-belly, as he touched the flag pole.

And you wonder why I wanted Choo's girlfriend to see this post. You think it is easy to pull a look that 'white sticky' (translate yo!)? It takes years of practice and unwavering determination. See, the 50% mastered skill of PoWah at it. Suki, maybe she's a natural? Ho!!

This is Steve thinking himself as damn cool. Why? Well, this is sorta his early days with Contact Lenses. While he might have rated himself as hotter by 1300000000%, the truth is it was only a mere 0.3%. *Phew* Lower than my 0.6% prettier! The proof: PoWah's look.

Are you still gonna ask why I hope for Choo's gf to see this post? This is like the finale of everything. The ending of our midnight stroll down memory lane, realising our dreams one by one, reminiscing about all that happened, gossiped about all there is to gossip, realizing Steve didn't (notice the past tense) have orange peel while the then 8 month-pregnant Choo (notice the re-emphasizing) kept silent, transiently. And I remained in denial of it, by the way.

Here is our very own classic bye-bye style. Devised by 'Choo and the Gang!'. Haha!

Actually nothing EXCITING or BIG happened that nite. Just a good long chat abt everything, endless teasing about the same old things, the usual gossipping around similar topics, kinda stupid antics with around 5 cameras, a lot of prancing around, spooking each other out and of cos, laughter!

Wait!! There is something big!

In the end PoWah mastered the skill of the Choo! *Applause* His very own bye-bye.

Gosh, this is so cool. I must think of my own version soon.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Me ---> Sonee <--- Glay

I love my Sony mp3 player.

My blue morning just got 'revived of inspiration' (Woo Hsian quote) because of it.

Maybe it knew I was feeling down and totally slumber, so much so that, it would seem like I was in a coma if I was not moving and dressed up. After all, dressing up in the morning is what drives me in the morning, at least! For that short (really, short) period of time, there is actually passion and fun I feel.

My mp3 player, what shall I name it? Hmm.... Sonie then. Ok, it sounds like the brand name, but it sounds cool!

Sonee was a real darling. I was woken up to Kokodewanai Dokokae. It is true that what I want might not be here, so I will have to move on somewhere to achieve it. Without a map, I'll set out and explore. It is ok to feel lost at times, I suppose?

What really comforted me was the next song, 'Egao no ooi hi bakari janai', as I sat looking at the meaningless view from the bus. The song title translates to 'There aren't only days with smiles', or something like that. Believe 23% of my translations. Erm, or is it 22%? Sigh, bad bad japanese, big big ego.

"There aren't only days with smiles,
For there will be tears as well,
Even now that person is calling out to me,
To never give up,
It will not always the same everyday,
See, the begining is here"

I was very touched by Sonee already by that moment, but then the unbelievable happened. It was Pure Soul. Oh my god. As soon as I typed this, Pure Soul is here again. From this moment on, even if I have no one to turn to in this world, I shall have my beloved Sonee. And I shall be happy!

Pure Soul is my all time frustration song. Countless tears of stress, fatigue, confusion, anger, pain and some other childish rants (not being able to go for a Glay live), had been poured into this one. Remember me mentioning I dun have anyone to pour my heart to? Well, there is Pure Soul. And now, Sonee.

The lyrics are just amazing. The energy emitted inspirational. The integration of Teru's slightly angsty voice, expressed in a burst of mixed emotions with what seems like frustration, confusion and determination or even desperation to survive for his ownself while proving his existence worthwhile, with his voice tender in the end. The music is amazing as well, with hints of piano that makes my heart tremble, superimposed by stronger tones of guitar that gives me the energy to go on and on.

Pure Soul saved me this morning.

And rite now, it is Bokutachi no shouhai. I can go on and on but, with 30 minutes gone by that quickly. And my second failed attempt at telling u guys, a typical day of my uni life, I shall sign off now. By the next post, I hope it will be the happy and pointless posts again, which I love.

Defense Mechanism

I am an attention-seeking child.

I think a lot of people are. Even those who try hard to remain out of the limelight, or those who wish they would just disappear. Deep inside, they do hope to be appreciated and acknowledged rite?

Which leads me to think. Why are people always so bad at expressing what they really want?

Thinking up excuses wastes brain power.
Maintaining the lie requires 100% attention.
Pretending to not care brings frustration.

And despite all these, we still would rather conceal what we want than to just reveal ourselves.

For me, it is a bit scary. To reveal everything or to open up completely to this world, is like exposing myself to the risk of being hurt. And because of this, there exists a natural defense mechanism which is somehow automated now. Fuelled by pride, fear and insecurities - random jokes, empty smiles, forced ignorance mode, pretentious courage became my shield.

I have always been happy with the fact that a lot of my friends can open up to me and share with me things that are close to them, sincerely. To know that they trust me so much is a joy. And I envy the fact they could do so. As for me, it is really hard. And so everything will remain inside of me and live with me till I am able to let go. Probably that is why I enjoy blogging. Some words are just too hard to say.

Rite now, I really feel empty.
I wonder,with me myself being such a minute entity in this world, what do I represent?
My existence rite here rite now. Does it really matter?

The other night, I was on the verge of an ice cream crave due to the hill of assignments, the current problems swimming in my head and the frustration and dissatisfaction burning inside me. At that moment, I realized I really wanted someone to talk to. To really talk to about everything. I searched my whole MSN list and my phonebook as well. Isn't it sad to realize that there is no one you are actually courageous enough to open up to?

Every single chatbox I opened, turned into another crap session.

For I am afraid of being a bother to others. Being weak in front of others. To have others 'entertain' me just for the sake of it. To experience insincerity and be hurt by it.

So now, this is a bad habit I have developed and just realized.
I find it hard to open up to others.
So I avoid it.
I find it disappointing when others do not respond to my actions.
So I stop showing I care.
I find myself easily grown apart with people who seldom interact with me. No matter how close.
So I start feeling strange with them
I find myself resentful towards people who ignore or do not appreciate me.
So I am cautious of not getting hurt by them and I isolate myself.

I am so passive.
I had originally a happy post meant for today. But I guess, the day just didn't go rite.

Sunday, August 12, 2007


Emotionally fickle and weak as an individual entity, people tend to seek attachment to all sorts of things around them, be it another person, an object or even a lingering memory. For now, as I feel detached from some of the things I love the most, I feel empty.

Today was really nice. Shopping with my fav YiMa and just eating. Until we started talking abt my dear Uncle Philip who is watching over me from up above. I thought I could talk about him leisurely and just indulge myself with memories of him. Then I realized that although time healed the pain and sadness in dealing with the loss of him, it can never make me stop missing him or wish for him to be here rite now.

Little things make me shed a tear or two when it comes to this special person.

To talk about him with past tense.
To hear others mention that I had always been his favourite.
To be reminded of the countless happy and funny moments we shared.
To have flashbacks of some bad habits of him.
To still remember our last conversation.

I really miss him.
After so long, I feel like I was never willing to let him go.

To buy the instant noodles favoured by him.
To occassionally remind myself of how his voice sounded like.
To play images of various memories we had.
To be happy whenever I had a dream of him.

More than memories, I wish to talk to him. All the crap we used to spend time on. I wish to hug him. Or have him carry me the way he used to. I really wanna hear his voice.

Having lost someone I was so attached to, I began holding on to all traces of memories, or even objects, afraid to let them all fade as time goes by.

I am not sad anymore for his departure for I have accepted this fact.
And I wonder why I still cry over it now.
With this feeling indescribable, maybe I am just acting childish. To be crying over something I can never get.

I am not detached from him, I'm sure. As long as I preserve the memories we had well in my heart, I am sure we are connected somehow.

Another sadder thing is how detached I feel rite now to things I have. Be it emotionally or physically. Some of my family members. Some special ones in my life. Some people I meet everyday. This room of mine. This world, perhaps.

But it is alrite, for I will be able to make it through.
Like I'm sure he'll say,"Fei Chai."
If I ever tell him all these.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

The Dream Ball of mine

Since i might not live to the day of the Monash Ball, seeing how thing turned out about an hour ago actually, I thought it is just fair for me to tell everyone my dreams of going to the ball, all made up, pampered thoroughly, with a bunch of besties, laughing and chatting away. The glamour I might not taste, but the anticipation I shall remember forever. And will continue to remember while on that TREE.

Since I won't have the chance to shine in my dream Ball dress. I tot, well, it is just a tot but, I might as well, live in my own lala-land, dress up in my DREAM ball dress, here. Right here. It may sound stupid, but these are my dreams. My dream dresses for a dream-like nite, I might not make it to.

Please share these special moments with me :)

I have always dreamt of being covered with flowers.
Curtains and curtains of flowers.

I think the sleeves need to be puffier and the skirt a bit puffier.
After all, I dun wanna look stick-thin.

I wanna be the center of everyone's attention on that day.
To be my favourite thing in the world:
A humongous layered cake!

Something simple, sleek and elegant.
Dun wan everyone staring, rite?

Black and white never goes wrong. Classic approach.
N I might substitute the white shoes with my beloved RED ones.
But, I want a bigger bundle of flowers.
Or else the dress is just TOO plain.

I am gonna be a SHINING star.
A shining, puffy star.
Everyone needs an angel or a fairy godmother.
And I guess, I fit the role perfectly.
With the perfect dress.

What better way to live ur dreams than to realize you childhood dream?

It will be a bit hard to get onstage though, if I got voted for Prom Queen.

I am so glad to be able to share these with u before it is too late. My dreams are mentioned here at least and will be known and remembered by all those who cared for me so much as to visit my blog.

All pictures are taken from

Friday, August 10, 2007

For the Love of Glucose

Today we had to do a brief practical on the influence of glucose on our body. Started out as a quite boring-sounding practical which I was not at all looking forward to especially on such a nice Friday! Nevertheless, being matured and responsible, I attended it despite not being able to finish my so called dried-up scone in time. Sounds bad?
Well, not as bad as my fellow SUBJECTS of the practical Amanda, Su-ee and Shene Yin, who had to endure around 8 hours of starvation for our practical! But then, since the selection of subjects was decided by fate, there must be a reason behind the luck of being the chosen ones! And indeed, they were TESTS arranged by the tricky hands of fate to challenge and strengthen the mind and determination of us humans.
Amanda was allocated the task of remaining in a resting phase after the consumption of glucose. What do u mean it s easy? U really think it is? No. Not for Amanda. Where was she to stuff all her hyper-activity, restlessness, panicky stints, rants, gossips, 'prancing around's, excessive speeech accompanied hand motions, elastic facial expressions? *phew* So think again, is resting really mere RESTING? If you are doubtful still, look at these and feel them with your heart.

To avoid all the distraction around her. To remain calm and thoughtful. To sacrifice for good experimental results.

Can you feel the will and strength in this image?

During times like these, you learn about the truth in friends and foes. Or PKNs.

Courage. Determination. Faith.
I hope we all learnt this through these pictures.
Ironically, a Tiger saved Amanda from the wretched situation she was put in and from the evil feats of PKN and some sympathetic laughter, teases and snickers from me. Again ironically, her results were cancelled out, despite her being the most pricked person hoho.

Su-ee always gives an impression of being tough and indestructable by telling the most disgusting jokes or statements at the most inappropriate times, such as meal times. Go figure, wat kinda disgustment I am trying to convey here. So this time, a challenged was really granted before her. She was to be put into a Cold Room after 8 hours of starvation and some glucose consumption.
Being the warrior she is, Su-ee brought a real thick and furry jumper. Whatever the evil, she is to win! But no matter how warrior she is, she was really in a no-win situation. It wasn't a Cold Room. It was a Giant Fridge. 4 degrees. And then we got our exclusive world preview of Su-ee ranting about it! Woohoo!

Staying in there must be tough. With 3 other merely friends kinda people. A lab manual which was freezing. And some laughing lab mates a rooms away from u. With the chilling environment, she learnt about the cold harsh society. But within the next 2 hours, she realized how much she actually loved her friends (for releasing her from the fridge). And I personally think, along with Professor PKN's opinion that coldness can actually drive a person high, or slightly delusional. Subject: Su-ee.

See this rare screen capture of der Su-ee's HAPPY face when she saw us and was released from the GIANT FRIDGE.

As there were 6 person in our lab group and I was busy recording all the ins and outs of this special event in all our lives *ahem*, naturally, there are some 'mou liu' or 'extras' during this practical. Not joking and here is the proof.

That was our extra! Haha.
Who is it? Won't tell u.
Hint: P*N. Can guess? (Hohoho!)
When i think of glucose, it reminds me of sugar and then to Arun. The man who is forever with a milkshake, a cake, hot chocolate, plain chocolates, cookies, ice creams, and everything sweet. The man who never gains any weight from all these. The man I envy and am learning to despise! Be careful u!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

To my Twin out there somewhere....

It is said that everyone of us has a 'twin' or someone who looks identical to us out there. According to statistical studies involving the human genome and total population in this world, it was proposed that there could be approximately 6 person out there which resembles you yourself completely.

Isn't it a wonder? Although this piece of info I had known for quite some time, it is until now only that I find it so special! Imagince someone out there, seemingly unrelated to u but actually holding almost similar genetic makeup as u! I mean, since we look the same, our genetic profile should be as well rite? Imagine seeing urself as if u were looking at a mirror. What will the feeling be like?

Emma feels totally excited and curious. She met a girl in campus who, according to her friend looks exactly like her. Then, her Dad mistook tht girl for her and claimed that the similarity was at 99%. When even your Dad says so, you know it is serious! Thanks to the technology we get to enjoy now, Emma quickly found and showed us that 'twin' of hers. Secretly, I was a bit yearning to meet mine as well!

Then on the Daily 10 of E, the presenter said, "Everyone of us has a twin out there...."

Which prompted me to think of all the past encounters which included other people commenting of my resemblance to someone else....

1) During my primary school years when I used to sport cute pony tails, in an over-sized 'cute' pinafore, a school-bus driver ran to me once. Then she said,"Aiyo, zin heh chiong nga moi zhu oh!" Which was in Hakka, saying that I really looked like her daughter.

2) Then a high school fren, Ting mentioned that I really looked like Hiong Hoi Lam. To my greatest displeasure, cos I am nowhere there. Maybe our body is kinda similar but face, I dun think so la. Hoho.

These seems like the only encounters so far. Where is my twin?
Anyone knows anyone who looks like me?

Personally I think I look like Michelle Reis. The eyes, the face, the way we carry ourselves are so identical that it came to be scary. Maybe you might not think so, but it is okay cos I am sure. As i gaze into the mirror and look into my face of disbelief at what I just wrote.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Too young.

It is normal and socially accepted that elders feel that they are superior to the younger ones. Surely, they might have more experience in life and do know better than us in some way or another, but there is no need to make it that obvious. So obvious that I can't help but picture them as a bully (while I am the cute little pony-tailed girl with BIG, teary eyes and flushed cheeks, just FYI). Just because we are born later, it doesn't mean we have no rights for respect or appreciation. Just because you wish you were as young. As fresh. As innocent. As bright a future. As cute (still). As YOUTHFUL.

In order to retain the anonymity of the person in this example case, I shall just reveal his,....erm or her MSN ID.

Conversation about the NEW (apparently months OLD wor) Kingdom Hearts video on youtube!

hIkArI* Call me Diet Lo Gam Fei. says:
i am so excited!! (note - innocent and pure intention)

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
we've seen this before... the secret ending in FM right? seen already lah. this is many months old... (note - the 'feeling-bothered' and impatient tone)

hIkArI* Call me Diet Lo Gam Fei. says:
seriousss?? (note- persistent innocence)

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
it's either u were relunctant to watch before this or some how u missed it. but i would say the first. i'm sure i have given u the link. (note - harsh, just harsh)

hIkArI* Call me Diet Lo Gam Fei. says:
abt KH. i wouldnt be reluctant!! not like younha! (note - effort to explain patiently, ignore the exclamation marks, thx)

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
u would be. it's just so u. (note - one word: emotionally hurtful)

hIkArI* Call me Diet Lo Gam Fei. says:
explain tht!! (note - cry for the truth)

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
i'm going out. brb. (note - irresposible and inconsiderate answer)

hIkArI* Call me Diet Lo Gam Fei. says:
dun fren u. dun talk to me anymore. (note - Young mind given up on the beliefs of friendship)

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
yeah as usual. (note - emotionally scarred by reality)

Does it mean that, in order to be an adult, I will have to become like him? Er, or her?? If it is true, then, reality is really harsher than fantasy (I tot all the fighting in Final Fantasy was really very extremely terrifyingly harsh). Oh dear, I am just so innocent and YOUNG.

But this YOUNG heart shall mature to face monsters of reality in the future like him. Er, or her!

Monday, August 6, 2007

Before-Birthday Party

What is the best thing about your birthday?

A pre-birthday greeting or "party" of cos!

And how to make it all the better?

Make a sincere "mistake". Not that u forgot the real date or whatever! No no no...

Just so that u can not only make the birthday girl laugh out loud but also everyone around her laugh like hell! Other bonus effects to the birthday girl include confusion, surprise, lost and "WUAHHH!". And not just anyone can do it, please. Only Amy the Mighty (Clumsy)!

So here is the story. Last year, Little Oli had to have a quite traditional and boring birthday party of hotpot and cake. So her best friend Cute Amy thought of something really nice to do to her. Something creative and BIZARRE! And with her mighty influence, she charmed everyone into this spell of hers. Everyone including me were lured into an illusion so true, we believed in it 100%.

Uncle Tan messaged Li'l Old Me about tomorrow being Little Oli's Birthday. Although it didnt seem like the middle of August yet, I sent my dear Oli a very WARM birthday sms. While inside thinking, "Darn, should have sent the present earlier!" Everything was fine until... Hm, let me just give all u readers the immediate details I got as the Chief Detective of this case.

98022--...Olivia...OMG........Is that A JOKE? lol..hahaha.That was so funny! anyway THANKS! says:
no..just want to tell u that today is my bday

hIkArI* Survey time: Who is your favourite HEROES character? Everyone enlighten blinded-me. says:
did u receive my sms??

98022--...Olivia...OMG........Is that A JOKE? lol..hahaha.That was so funny! anyway THANKS! says:
u thought it that way too? OMG! This is just REALLY Funny. Anyway..THanks.. Is this supposed to be a joke?

hIkArI* Survey time: Who is your favourite HEROES character? Everyone enlighten blinded-me. says:
isn' it on aug 7?

hIkArI* Survey time: Who is your favourite HEROES character? Everyone enlighten blinded-me. says:
eh!! Shud be on Aug 17 rite!! that A JOKE? lol..hahaha.That was so funny! anyway THANKS! says:
yahh...17... But u all thought its on 7 rite..?

hIkArI* Survey time: Who is your favourite HEROES character? Everyone enlighten blinded-me. says:
But then ray sms-ed me, saying ur bday tmr! So i was like, oh ok...

98022--...Olivia...OMG........Is that A JOKE? lol..hahaha.That was so funny! anyway THANKS! says:
and then u knw what? I have been chatting with amy right? Then she dont believe me.. Then she keep saying that i was lying. Then she go frenster check.. Then she said she dont want to talk wif me already!! I think she is gonna call wenji! Hahahahaa.... Anyway...i will remember my 22 bday!!

hIkArI* Survey time: Who is your favourite HEROES character? Everyone enlighten blinded-me. says:
everyone tot ur bday is on tmr then!!

98022--...Olivia...OMG........Is that A JOKE? lol..hahaha.That was so funny! anyway THANKS! says:
shirley and daniel just msg me also! Hahahaha.... But this is quite an innovative way. It is very Creative ...

So that was the gist of the whole crime. But then now let us hear it out from the suspects!

hIkArI* Vote AMY for the clumsiest award on Earth, by putting this on ur msn nick: Amy the Cutie Clumsy! says:

[ A : i : m : m : y ] says:
i vote myself can a

hIkArI* Vote AMY for the clumsiest award on Earth, by putting this on ur msn nick: Amy the Cutie Clumsy! says:

[ A : i : m : m : y ] says:
cute ma. Actually wenji is the most u know. She planned to wake up early to buy cake and flower tmr somemore..

Verdict? Still unclear but since Daniel and Ray and Shirley got involved, I highly suspect the influence of Amy chan. But then!!! There comes a twist to the case, a highly revealing and unexpected turn of event. Our next suspect, WenJi...

-Back~2~Bas!c- says:
Omi god!! We tot oli's bday is tmrw...17th!! Not 7th!!

hIkArI* Survey time: Who is your favourite HEROES character? Everyone enlighten blinded-me. says:
wat did u do??

-Back~2~Bas!c- says:
it was amy.. she called.. thn she realised.. n she checked frenster... we planned to celebrate tmrw!! wat d... olivia tot amy was playin prank on her.. tomorrow meet up as usual.. pretend noting happened then..

hIkArI* Vote AMY for the clumsiest award on Earth, by putting this on ur msn nick: Amy the Cutie Clumsy! says:
wat were ur original plans?

-Back~2~Bas!c- says:
besok pagi.. naik bus.. pergi pinewood... beli kek dan bunga.. lepas up at 11.. semua orang.. includin ray...

hIkArI* Vote AMY for the clumsiest award on Earth, by putting this on ur msn nick: Amy the Cutie Clumsy! says:
u were the one saying tht it was oli's bday ah?

-Back~2~Bas!c- says:
speechless lae.. yea lae...i said 7th Aug.. n dunno y evry1 tot so....

hIkArI* Vote AMY for the clumsiest award on Earth, by putting this on ur msn nick: Amy the Cutie Clumsy! says:
u were the one who started it!!

-Back~2~Bas!c- says:
Shh..................... wha...such a good laugh tonite...

So in the end, WenJi was the real mastermind behind all these and innocently Amy became the FAMOUS one here. But since she always wanted to be popular so just let it be la!

It was a real fun night! And a great way to start countdowning to Oli's birthday! Eased my real painful day for today. Oh did I forget to mention?

I bought a pair of sparklingly new, bright RED shoes which wow-ed the crowd. But then beauty comes with a HEAVY price oh yes.

It made me walk at 1 metre/ hr.
It made me look crippled.
It took a HUGE blob of my skin as souvenir.
Which made me squeal in the shower just now.

The day seemed so long. But here allow me to say 'I love you' to WanRu and Elaine. Miss WanRu for giving me light (plasters) in the dark (pain and PKN's taunts). Miss Elaine for plasters that are transparent and actually stick well!

Some feast for ur eyes (Esp Steve and Oli, who would so enjoy me suffering these....):

The redness. The fiery redness.

The redness. The painful redness.

The final tolerable state of redness and pain.

Life as an artist is really hard. Must sacrifice for art although the beauty part is really limited.

Luckily I still have some fans ard here....

-Back~2~Bas!c- says:
nite kisses from GORGEOUS wenji

98022--...Olivia...OMG........Is that A JOKE? lol..hahaha.That was so funny! anyway THANKS! I LOVE U GUYZ SO MUCH! says:
i love u so much la..

[ A : i : m : m : y ] says:
miss u

Take this! MerahMerah!! (I shall call these shoes like this from now on!)

Friday, August 3, 2007

Me and who else?

Most of the times, we dunno wat is rite or wrong.
What should be done or what not.
What do we want or not want.
What is with wrong or right in us?

Despite being the unique yourself, you feel like u dunno urself at all. So what is this all about?

There are times when I wanna do things rite. Just rite. To maintain and hold on to my beliefs. But when it falls apart, the truth can tear u.

The pride of trying to be more than you can ever be. Is it too much to ask for to want to improve oneself? All the pride can consume you along with your senses, confidence and faith. What is left is just a trail of confusion and doubts leading to the familiar world of insecurities.

There are days when I wish i was a superhero. Always there to save the day. Always with a happy ending. Always able to display acts of independence, courage. Always adored by all around me. But these dreams do not go far from the comic pages don't they? Indulging in Peter Petrelli or Harry Potter is just a mean of getting closer to this world of theirs. To let my imagination lead me to a world so ideal, transiently.

But a superhero's life is not easy as well i guess.

Since old times, people find it hard to convey what they truly feel or want inside. Ironically, cover-ups and fake statements are processed without even the brain. Aren't we all just hiding our true self? The other side of us which is always so vulnerable and insecure?

If everyone have the courage to be honest all the time, I guess this world will be half as complicated. Honesty is really the best policy. And the best policy is always the hardest to attain. So this world remains complicated. And so did I.

I am suffocating in all these emotions that is welling up inside my mind, my heart and my body. Dilemma, weak, pretentious, insecurity, lack of confidence, blind, confused, anger, frustration, sadness, self-despise, annoyance. And so much more. I feel like crying but I won't. I feel like screaming but I can't. I feel like throwing everything on the floor, but I can't.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I hate this. I hate this very very much.

Joke around more.

Frustration is like a bug never wanting to leave ur tiny brain. It can drill ur mind and suck u of all ur senses.

I hate being a dependent, clingy leech. Who would like someone like that?
People say the ones with most jokes are those who are the saddest?
I wonder how true is that. But jokes really do make a nice defense system.
Helps the world goes round rite? With laughter.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Extinction and humans

Today I tot of so many things I wanna write that I kinda was left in a dilemma as to wat to write first! I wanted to tell about all the surprise parties I planned and had, the various weird perks of some frens, and even to show some before-after pics of some interesting specimens haha.

But then suddenly, something interrupted these tots of mine. Well, I was 'studying really hard with max concentration' in the Fridge. All of a sudden, there was this real enormous burst of passion from Miss Cheryl. Well, along with the initial passion, came a bit of, really tiny bit of angst.

Well, it all started when I picked up a book about endangered species in the library. And by doing this, I probably disrupted the originally peaceful world of the innocent book as it had to endure increasingly aggressive (or more like PASSIONATE) page flipping, spatters of saliva from all the debate, weird touching all around (especially on pages with cute furry animals), and not a moment of silence from the heated discussion about animal cruelty.

Extent of heat in discussion?
"I hope a killer whale will just go and spank all of them up!" - from tiny-voiced Cheryl.

I guess everyone hopes for the best for all creatures on Earth. It is just sometimes we get so caught up in our own interest or in surviving in this increasingly tough world that, we forget to care of the things around us. Maybe we are just walking too fast and our hands are just too busy to take a moment to notice and to offer help.

I am one myself. I always feel sorry for the animals for the fact tat we humans are dictating their fates most of the time. For the trees that are harmless and defenseless against the sharp saws we created. For the water that was not appreciated for. For the future generation that might never learn of the smell of fresh air. For the conservational biologists who must have faced endless failures in an attempt to save all of us.

Imagine if our children have to 'see' animals through the pages of books. No matter how extensive the information there is, it is never enough.

Imagine if water has to be generated from technological means in BIG factories. No matter how advance intellectually it might prove humans of, we will be the biggest fools for losing our granted source of survival.

Imagine when the only plants you see are in huge glass containers displayed in museums. No matter how futuristic the design is to satisfy our artsy side, it will just be a forest of concrete and greyness outside.

All these thoughts are really scary and pathetic. Everytime this comes to my mind, I cringe and feel guilty. For I am not really doing anything to help at all. Despite knowing enough about the damage, the consequences, why am i still doing nothing? Reports, tests, exams, socializing with friends, wasting my life with repetitious TV shows. I could have taken some time for this.

It is hard enough to survive in this world. In order to do this, guess all of us became a bit selfish without ourselves being aware of it. The business of everyday. I cannot say that I wholly blame humans. For we are also, just trying to survive. Rather than playing the blame game, just do something. Anything. I believe everyone makes a difference. Just by talking today, I found out so much about animals and how much I would not want extinction to happen again.