Sunday, October 15, 2006

Piling up Thoughts

It is funny how such a small brain of ours can fit so much stuff! It is a blessing to be able to think, decide and remember, but sometimes, with all these thoughts crumpling in ur brain, it becomes so hard to even breath. Trying hard to sort out the different emotions within me, I find myself sometimes lost in ......a pool of conflicting, misleading and confusing feelings.

Stressful Me

It is exam season FYI. I guess it contributes to the stress issue. But knowing me, I guess everyone of u knows that I am not really the easily stressed out kind. More of then just 'let it be and it shall be FINE' kind. But then there is this single annoying unit which is making me nuts now, not contributing is the fact that it clashes with another neglected unit of mine. I am not worrying, now. Was worrying just now, but oh-nevermind!

Other than that, there is this persistently bugging weight issue! Urggh.... Dun even get me started on that! How come some people can be so good in studies, learn piano so very fast and EAT AS MUCH AS THEY WANT WITHOUT GAINING WEIGHT? These people will be on my 'ENEMY' list from now on:

1) Mok
2) Woo Hsian
3) Benjamin

Anyway, stress has and will never be a large part of my life. I try to make it not! Ganbarimasu!

Emptiness Me

This is one weird side. Somehow, I realized. In about a month's time, I will be leaving Melbourne and back to my old home. But, here in my room in cold Melbourne, there is attachment. Memories, sweet ones, bad ones. Friends, best ones. Places, special ones. Everything.

Just like the other day when the MUMSU AGM ended. Before that I never gave a thought about it. Just another voting session. But as soon as that moment came, with the new committee in front of me. There's this slightly overwhelming feeling, not of sadness or regret, but of not being bear the feeling of having to leave this family. Family, where I got to know some of my closest friends from. The flashbacks of the past did not help much, by the way.

I found out that I was really happy.
Now, realizing the fact that I'll be returning is making me feel slightly emptier.
I feel like being snatched of something important. OF something I dun wanna let go.

Selfishness Me

Lately I began thinking, why can't we ever be with ALL the people we love all the time?
Mother and child separated, cause of the son's career. Friends separated by the borders of countries. Family separated as they pursue their own future. Why must distance always be the price we pay as we chase for wat we desire in life?

I really want to be with everyone. Every single on of u guys. I wanna stay here so that I can be with all of you. Laughing together at the same old lame jokes, eating out at different places, complaing about Monash all the time, sleep in Hargrave, discuss about the most stupid topics, fully utilize out Sunday Savers everytime. All these are just such nice memories.

But, I cannot bear to leave my family and friends back in Malaysia. I still reminisce so much about the times we spend talking endlessly about the entertainment world, checking out mega sales, going for 7 hours of RedBox marathon, ice cream-ing always, Kim Gary trips. I missed these memories very very much.

Is it really necessary to choose only one?
Reality is just so cruel sometimes.

Grateful Me

I am lucky, u guys always say. The luckiest part, actually I think, is to be able to meet all the nice and great people here in Melbourne. It is really a blessing to be able to meet everyone of u. Someone I can rely on all the time, ridding me of loneliness and homesickness. My darling sisters who fill my everyday with laughters and share all my worries and problems - Amy, Oli and WenJi. I couldn't thank them enough for all these.

The guys who make me laugh me so often and never hesitate to help me whenever I needed - u know who u r! Then of cos, there is this important part of my life rite now, and one of the best presents I got since coming here - Mr Tan! It would be so different without u. So I am grateful and happy.

Optimistic Me

I am gloomy.....lately. But, I dun like to show it! If u can cover ur sadness with jokes and radiate laughter around u, y not do it? Like the ripple effect, eventually the laughter will reach back to me! I think so.

So what if I have to let go of so much that I treasure? It is not like I'll be losing them rite?
I believe me and my frens definitely are worth much more than that!
Memories, can be strong enough to link us together, regardless of the distance.
There'll be a day when we meet again. We'll laugh. Hug. Talk endlessly again.

Separations happen all the time in life. Just always make sure, there'll be a reunion. No matter how far ahead it might be, just make sure there will be a reunion.

Then all the waiting will be worthwhile.

Now that I cleared out some of the clutter in my brain, time for some Blood+ again. By the way, tmr will be my OFFICIAL DIET DAY. New Nickname - Porky Pie!

Sunday, October 8, 2006

Weekend Report 1

Truly, I had a very whimsical and hyper weekend, so much so that, I need time to reflect on what I have done for these few days.


It was mentioned at around 1 a.m. A total overhaul of the original Mid Autumn Fest celebration plan, had me and WenJi scratching our heads. As always, given Melbourne's oh-so-very-cute-and-lovable transportation system, we could again go no further than Zone 2 for dinner! And not forgetting the contribution of Monash's darlingly-adorable assignments dates, everyone.

Then there were the frustrating moments in planning which fuelled to the merge of giving up on arranging a group celebration! The no. 1 frustration? This infamous quote from a certain someone who I will see tmr - "Why don't we eat in Wah Kee?" The reply? The exact same look of horror on me and WenJi's faces.

All of a sudden, it was decided. A BBQ and SteamBoat session for a party of 10 and above at Normanby. And the project initiator, manager, etc was me and WenJi. Excited, eager, charged with energy, tralalala~ Off to ask for college head's permission at 8 am (Given WenJi, this is a truly big achievement). Upon a nod, we shot off to Springvalle!

Swept everything! One highlight point: I got an extra of $7 change from one of the shops! Sampled gree tea mooncakes! Next stop, Clayton! Grabbed all the remaining stuffs and sped home to prepare!

Well........we wanted to speed home, but then, then, then! We were like carrying boulders in our shopping bags! WenJi had to stop a few times on the way from Rusden to Normanby. Please give your praisings now. This is a crucial moment for appreciation from you guys. Thank you. Haha. Haha. Hahaha!

As soon as we arrived home, WenJi and I started preparing the stuff. What ensued was loads of chopping, cutting, slicing, marinating, arranging, tasting, crapping and commiting stupid blunders! Then along came Amy, what she did? Talking, talking, talking, talking until we came to another highlight of the day! Below is the whole transcription of what happened.

Amy: Oh this! Thai people use this to make salad a. Very very yum. A bit spicy one rite?
Me: Oh, really a?
After a whole 10 minutes of conversation,....
Amy: Papaya, rite?
Me: ................................Pumpkin.

I just love being around Amy. Hehe! Then came the other guys and out went the food, and in they go into our stomachs! Here is the list of food, BBQ the Malaysian way!

1) Fish with sambal and lime juice.
2) Chicken wings.
3) Chicken skewer with capsicums in teriyaki sauce.
4) Sweet potato.
5) Potato with cheese, butter and pepper.
6) Squid (I was the founder of this!)
7) Sausages in BBQ sauce.
8) Pumpkin (amy......)
9) Lamb and beef steaks and slices
10) Vegetables
11) Octopus, Lobster, Cuttle Balls
12) Fish Tofu and nugget
13) Dumpling (I made them!)
14) Loads of mushrooms!
15) Udon (Siew Chin's subject of experiment...)
16) Prawns

By the end of the nite, we had mooncakes! A total of 8 mooncakes were eaten! The flavours were: Red Bean, Lotus, White Lotus, Green Tea, Taro, 3 Ice Cream Mooncakes (Lychee, Mango, Honey Dew)! We almost even snatched Wei Pinn's box to eat....

All in all it was a very very enjoyable day! Could not feel my body at the end of the day, but definitely think it was worth it! Cant wait for the next one!


Woke up kinda early the next morning, and went to Brandon Park! Hm, Brandon Park is nothing special and I do the same thing there pretty much everytime. But then again, like I always say, the place is not important. The company is.

Then there was the assignment trip we made to Hargrave, me, Ray and WenJi. Supposingly dull and frustrating, but then I finished my Poster and mingled around a bit. Again, company matters, location not.

After that we hit the roads of the campus, jogged together, the three of us around campus! Felt worked out and hyper, er.... not really hyper actually! Exhausted! ........and lazy. It was just a round of the campus, nothign special. But again! Again! Not the place, it is the company.

All the small things in life, no matter how repetitious, how common, how simple, how short they are, as long as it is endured together with the right people, will leave a significant mark in your memory. And that's why I said, "Today was fun!" Because, it really was.

Saturday was a simple day of happiness and warmth with all my closest ones here in Melbourne.


Woke up to a rainy Sunday morning at 8 am. Woke up to a sunny Sunday morning at 9 am.
Weather's crazy here in Melbourne. Went to the city and tried looking for the Blue Spirit store to redeem the vouceher I got from MUMSU Ball, but after numerous searches, we found the close was still closed. While we were searching, Amy missed her train and came later, by the way.

Proceeded straight to Lygon for our Pizza Meal! All you can eat for $ 13 per head. Ate a big pizza, 2 big pastas, 2 jugs of Coke, a garden salad. 80% to death. Then went to Freddo for Gelato! I had mango and toblerone! It was amazing. By the time I finished the whole thing, 90% to death. Motion sickness on the tram, 99% to death. Arrival at St. Kilda Market, revival (!), 20% to death! Left market by tram to Glenferry to pass WenJi's old schoolmate something. Tram journey, 98% death.

Walked around Glenferry. Got lost for around 15 minutes. Read the map. Confused by the map. But then I was the one who found out how to return to our dear-old-Clayton, amidst the murderously cold weather! As I have always tried to prove to my mum, RPG helps in every aspects of our daily lives.

Swayed back in the tram again, 99% death. Finally back to Normanby, took a LONG shower and finished up another Poster! After a long day, finally a nice little small chat with a certain someone who did not contact me the whole day, who I will not think of so often again. Wrapped up my day with this sweet little ending. Gonna sleep now!

What sweet little ending? Here's a teaser - I might just accept Olivia. Ta-da!

Random statements:
1) Determinated to gam fei for sure!
2) AGM got pizza!
3) "Stop being so aunty!" - by WenJi
4) Wanna Fisherman Horizon.
5) No more Pasta or Pizza. Wil really vomit.
6) Wanna eat more mooncake. Anyone can donate some?

Monday, October 2, 2006

To be An Individual

It is really unique, you yourself. Different from everyone else in countless ways, being special and existing as the one and only in this whole wide world. This fact has always been marketed as something we should be proud of, something we should embrace for all our lives and shine through it.

But, looking past all these jolly-good-old side of being unique, then why do we always find ourselves struggling to try to fit in? Or maybe, unconsiously trying to join the mainstream? OR even, helplessly floating around, blaming the whole world before locking ourselves in seclusion upon the failure to find any affiliation?

Being special. Being unique. It is all good. But aside from that, from time to time, don't they bring a sense of loneliness?

Being special. Being unique.
Being alone. Being insecure. Being intimidated. Being scared.

While trying hard to hold on to all that makes me unique: my principles, my beliefs, my dreams, my ambitions, my memories, my mind, my emotions, my feelings, there are times when I feel like I am no more than a mere follower of the mainstream. Trying to fit in to something which I am not, in a bid to find some comfort, some reliance, some connection with all that is around me.

There are a lot of issues in my life which although wanting to have a stand against it, I find myself doing it in the end. Feeling a bit relieved to know that there are people who are like me in this mainstream thing while can't stop being disgusted at my own lack of stand or courage or determination. Disgustion accumulating to angst which gradually develops into self-pity. I pity myself for being so weak.

How do we stand out as an individual. Not to be intimidated by any mainstream elements. Not to be wavered by outside influence different from your own. Not to be lured into the comfort zone which doesn't match your beliefs. Not to be tempted to by momentary affiliations. Not to be scared to be different. Not to throw away your personality. Not to be just one of them on the streets talking in the cool slang.

Such a handful.
Are we trying too hard to stand out?
Or is this another counter measure we are taking to shield our fear?

Whatever it is, I guess there is no need to think of what we have to become to be ourselves.

Individualism. Isn't it about you yourself? Then if we act naturally, without hesitation, aren't we shining as an individual already?

To be pure and innocent is no longer possible in this complicated world, once you mature. But there is something which you can preserve and protect from the many evil and tempting influences of the outside world. Your mind, your heart, your beliefs and your personality.

Hard as it might seem, if we try hard enough, this is one of the only sign of purity we can preserve in our lives. Fear, doubts, hesitations, loneliness - these are just the small 'somethings' along the way towards strengthening them.

I wanna continue believing in this.