Sunday, October 15, 2006

Piling up Thoughts

It is funny how such a small brain of ours can fit so much stuff! It is a blessing to be able to think, decide and remember, but sometimes, with all these thoughts crumpling in ur brain, it becomes so hard to even breath. Trying hard to sort out the different emotions within me, I find myself sometimes lost in ......a pool of conflicting, misleading and confusing feelings.

Stressful Me

It is exam season FYI. I guess it contributes to the stress issue. But knowing me, I guess everyone of u knows that I am not really the easily stressed out kind. More of then just 'let it be and it shall be FINE' kind. But then there is this single annoying unit which is making me nuts now, not contributing is the fact that it clashes with another neglected unit of mine. I am not worrying, now. Was worrying just now, but oh-nevermind!

Other than that, there is this persistently bugging weight issue! Urggh.... Dun even get me started on that! How come some people can be so good in studies, learn piano so very fast and EAT AS MUCH AS THEY WANT WITHOUT GAINING WEIGHT? These people will be on my 'ENEMY' list from now on:

1) Mok
2) Woo Hsian
3) Benjamin

Anyway, stress has and will never be a large part of my life. I try to make it not! Ganbarimasu!

Emptiness Me

This is one weird side. Somehow, I realized. In about a month's time, I will be leaving Melbourne and back to my old home. But, here in my room in cold Melbourne, there is attachment. Memories, sweet ones, bad ones. Friends, best ones. Places, special ones. Everything.

Just like the other day when the MUMSU AGM ended. Before that I never gave a thought about it. Just another voting session. But as soon as that moment came, with the new committee in front of me. There's this slightly overwhelming feeling, not of sadness or regret, but of not being bear the feeling of having to leave this family. Family, where I got to know some of my closest friends from. The flashbacks of the past did not help much, by the way.

I found out that I was really happy.
Now, realizing the fact that I'll be returning is making me feel slightly emptier.
I feel like being snatched of something important. OF something I dun wanna let go.

Selfishness Me

Lately I began thinking, why can't we ever be with ALL the people we love all the time?
Mother and child separated, cause of the son's career. Friends separated by the borders of countries. Family separated as they pursue their own future. Why must distance always be the price we pay as we chase for wat we desire in life?

I really want to be with everyone. Every single on of u guys. I wanna stay here so that I can be with all of you. Laughing together at the same old lame jokes, eating out at different places, complaing about Monash all the time, sleep in Hargrave, discuss about the most stupid topics, fully utilize out Sunday Savers everytime. All these are just such nice memories.

But, I cannot bear to leave my family and friends back in Malaysia. I still reminisce so much about the times we spend talking endlessly about the entertainment world, checking out mega sales, going for 7 hours of RedBox marathon, ice cream-ing always, Kim Gary trips. I missed these memories very very much.

Is it really necessary to choose only one?
Reality is just so cruel sometimes.

Grateful Me

I am lucky, u guys always say. The luckiest part, actually I think, is to be able to meet all the nice and great people here in Melbourne. It is really a blessing to be able to meet everyone of u. Someone I can rely on all the time, ridding me of loneliness and homesickness. My darling sisters who fill my everyday with laughters and share all my worries and problems - Amy, Oli and WenJi. I couldn't thank them enough for all these.

The guys who make me laugh me so often and never hesitate to help me whenever I needed - u know who u r! Then of cos, there is this important part of my life rite now, and one of the best presents I got since coming here - Mr Tan! It would be so different without u. So I am grateful and happy.

Optimistic Me

I am gloomy.....lately. But, I dun like to show it! If u can cover ur sadness with jokes and radiate laughter around u, y not do it? Like the ripple effect, eventually the laughter will reach back to me! I think so.

So what if I have to let go of so much that I treasure? It is not like I'll be losing them rite?
I believe me and my frens definitely are worth much more than that!
Memories, can be strong enough to link us together, regardless of the distance.
There'll be a day when we meet again. We'll laugh. Hug. Talk endlessly again.

Separations happen all the time in life. Just always make sure, there'll be a reunion. No matter how far ahead it might be, just make sure there will be a reunion.

Then all the waiting will be worthwhile.

Now that I cleared out some of the clutter in my brain, time for some Blood+ again. By the way, tmr will be my OFFICIAL DIET DAY. New Nickname - Porky Pie!

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