Monday, October 2, 2006

To be An Individual

It is really unique, you yourself. Different from everyone else in countless ways, being special and existing as the one and only in this whole wide world. This fact has always been marketed as something we should be proud of, something we should embrace for all our lives and shine through it.

But, looking past all these jolly-good-old side of being unique, then why do we always find ourselves struggling to try to fit in? Or maybe, unconsiously trying to join the mainstream? OR even, helplessly floating around, blaming the whole world before locking ourselves in seclusion upon the failure to find any affiliation?

Being special. Being unique. It is all good. But aside from that, from time to time, don't they bring a sense of loneliness?

Being special. Being unique.
Being alone. Being insecure. Being intimidated. Being scared.

While trying hard to hold on to all that makes me unique: my principles, my beliefs, my dreams, my ambitions, my memories, my mind, my emotions, my feelings, there are times when I feel like I am no more than a mere follower of the mainstream. Trying to fit in to something which I am not, in a bid to find some comfort, some reliance, some connection with all that is around me.

There are a lot of issues in my life which although wanting to have a stand against it, I find myself doing it in the end. Feeling a bit relieved to know that there are people who are like me in this mainstream thing while can't stop being disgusted at my own lack of stand or courage or determination. Disgustion accumulating to angst which gradually develops into self-pity. I pity myself for being so weak.

How do we stand out as an individual. Not to be intimidated by any mainstream elements. Not to be wavered by outside influence different from your own. Not to be lured into the comfort zone which doesn't match your beliefs. Not to be tempted to by momentary affiliations. Not to be scared to be different. Not to throw away your personality. Not to be just one of them on the streets talking in the cool slang.

Such a handful.
Are we trying too hard to stand out?
Or is this another counter measure we are taking to shield our fear?

Whatever it is, I guess there is no need to think of what we have to become to be ourselves.

Individualism. Isn't it about you yourself? Then if we act naturally, without hesitation, aren't we shining as an individual already?

To be pure and innocent is no longer possible in this complicated world, once you mature. But there is something which you can preserve and protect from the many evil and tempting influences of the outside world. Your mind, your heart, your beliefs and your personality.

Hard as it might seem, if we try hard enough, this is one of the only sign of purity we can preserve in our lives. Fear, doubts, hesitations, loneliness - these are just the small 'somethings' along the way towards strengthening them.

I wanna continue believing in this.

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