Sunday, September 28, 2008

Blogging about blogs

I have just indulged. . . guiltily indulged in an hour of pure emo-blogs from girls a few years my junior and a common trait in all of these?


This is (I perfectly know) a stage where they discover love and in most cases, emulate the years of love education they got from TV dramas and movies where a simple boat trip can lead naturally to the Titanic-esque expectations. There is really no need for further proof when every single post (not even missing one, not even the 2 sentences long post!) gains a mention of their 'piggy', 'honey', 'lovey', well, creativity in this department is just limited to your own imagination. And your partner's level of tolerance (and yes, this is directed to me myself.) Well, of course there is the traditional 'lou gung' 'lou po' which is really pretty much everywhere. a Ctrl-F search would probably lead to 1889 hits on a single page. Woot!

Why the appeal? I guess - the excitement, curiosity and to a certain extent, naivety?

With the rapid feeding of new information far beyond our age (I still consider myself a minor :->), even the most skilled of ninjutsu among us cannot possibly evade! Kids are getting more precoccious and open to this thing they call 'love'. Well, if Student S can date Student D in school while two-timing Student G from another school while his Dad divorced Mum A and is pursuing Lady C while having an affair with Mistress V who is the wife of Mister O who harbours desire for Secretary H and goes clubbing everynight to score random chicks, surely me dating and devoting my life and soul to a single guy is alright - so thinks a fresh-minded American-series watching teen. Truth is, I think 'love' is over-rated. Sure it brings a whole new dimension of happiness and lessons in life, but not everything revolves around 'love love love', or just 'love'.

I can say this cause I have been there and with Auntie Lo approaching 22 soon (iyaaa!), lemme just let slip some of my take on this. It is perfectly alright to be in love provided (!) - you know what you are doing. You dun even need to know what love is - after all who knows, they're just the result of feelings which are then determined by a mix of chemicals in your brain, or maybe the sight of a really outta-the-world hunk. Excitement and curiosity - both fine. Just remember to not let the materialistic aspects and impulsive feelings lead to the losing of your own identity and dignity as an individual. Seriously, there is really more to life :-)

2) Rough-ins with parents

Rough patches are usually all over the place when it comes to the parents-children territory.

Parents: You dunno what you are doing. Listen to us!!
Children: You dun understand what I feel or do. Dun wanna talk to u!!
(Experience talks here. . . )

Like that, how to communicate? Sigh, but being Auntie Lo (in this post only!), once again, of course I have been there and done that. The same goes for Uncle Steve, Uncle Choo . . (not sure why I mentioned you guys here, guess I just wanted to close in the 'old ady' impression I gave in this post, sigh).

Parents, in truth, really do not understand you. But what do you expect? You are really two different individuals! Unless if your Dad is Peter Petrelli who can read your mind then you would have to please oh very please introduce me to him as soon as possible. But if it is Matt Parkman, then it is alrite, thank you very much. But then if they read your mind, you would scream , "No privacy!!" instead. Rather than understand, they KNOW you. They dare to be frank.

Children, in truth, are in most cases unsure of what they are doing. But again, what do you expect? Only a mere say 16 years in this complicated world filled with unnecessary things like deceit, temptations, conflicts, business law, finance, accounting, and. . . ok, it got a bit too personal towards the end. But the point remains! Communication is the key, ain't it. So what is the obstruction here - ego and pride, I would say.

Kids too egoistic to accept advices from the 'mummies' from the past generation and parents assumingly too prideful to see things from their kids' point of view. Just like how fast food chains flourished despite their bad image for health - convenience became the choice of all. Joy. Kids find it easier to blame it on their parents while parents find it easier to push it to the kids. Let the mutual-blaming fest begin - gosh.

This is old school but believe me. Your parents are really there to root for you, bringing you back from your lululala-land of getting the latest handphones without paying and home-cooked meal appearing for some reasons every single nite on the dining table - to the harsh reality you are bound to confront sooner or later. Why do you expect them to understand you when you are not even trying to understand them? Rough-ins and conflicts are normal cos you are all different as an individual. But blaming is not.

3) Materials

Pictures of handphones, laptops, jewelleries, etc. Check!

Extensively descriptive statements of each of them e.g. This is the latest model of Sony Ericsson with the newest function that even allows you to microwave like popcorn! Check!

Statements of the origin of the items e.g. Daddy dearest, the most beautiful Mummy (compare with section 2), Piggy, Lovey (cross check with Section 1). Check!

Confessions of extreme love for the items with choice of words like 'looooooooove', 'wahlau!', 'cuuuuute~~~~~****'. Check!

SIGH. I guess everyone falls for material one way or another. I am still a victim from time to time, but to be obsessed over it - a big no no. Especially for young chums like us (I am young again in this part~) who have no real financial capabilities yet. But since the original 'love' and 'care' is so intangible, materials often step in as the tangible form of 'love' and 'care'. Well, if everyone is happy, then wat can be bad about it ne?

We are fortunate folks, our generation. There really is nothing bad about being materialistic provided you have control over it and are grateful and appreciative. And sadly, most of us fail here. A relationship built on materials will only be depreciable and diminished in value as materials do over time.


Well of course there are other traits as well. But those were the three main schools of observations from the emo blog community. As a disclaimer - I am not judging them. Everyone's got their own way of life. What was written were pure opinions and observations of mine. After all I am just an Auntie who is turning 22 soon who pretends to faint everyone her mum asks her for help and has a down to earth relationship and a slight obsession towards outta her reach things such as Teru and a bikini body :-)

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Sunny sunday afternoon

You know what mundane is when you find yourself staring away into your laptop screen frantically searching for something worth reading or maybe just to pass time on the internet.

But, 'mundane' is really defined when you are blank-staring at the screen in hopes of seeing new incoming MSN messages. The orange flash of hope!

However, the funny thing is - there seems to be some flash-mob kinda behaviour when it comes to MSN. For it is usually, no one messages you for what seems like forever (while you suppress you desperation) or a sudden flood of messages coming in (while you suppress your glee).

TO be saved by MSN or electronic messages on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Not exactly my definition of 'YAY!' when I could have strolled outta my front door. After all, half of the people I chat to on MSN lives just within walking distance and the weather is so damn fine. Why, if you still ask? Is there even a need for a reason to just go off and soak up some sun while you allow your mind to wander unlimitedly?

Even concrete pavements would feel like vast meadows.

I must make an effort to explore more of this world I am living in where there are things I can touch, feel and really sense its presence, instead of holing up in the comfort of the virtual world where most things are illusionized by sugar coated words, pretense and half truths.

MUMSU Ball 2008

I had a very busy week and today being a Sunday, I finally have the time to sit down and upload some of the craze onto my virtual complain-stand.

A whole week of Accounting and Finance which was due on last Friday and a ball on Friday night itself, that finally ended with IELTS on Saturday morning itself.

Although I did not contribute much to the calculations part of assignment, I really felt like a stockbroker when I was doing it with my group! Crunching in numbers, discussing about the valuation, exploring the possible scenarios, assessing the risks and asking a total stranger who is an Honours student while illegally staying in the Honours only computer lab about the P/E ratio.

Which he must have thought was really silly and dumb for he gave a whole one minute of explanation of which 70% escaped our brains before going through the analysis-wheel. The whole piece of information was later unearthed by us in. . . well not really unearthed, it was printed in almost every other Finance book. Wah . . . need or not a?
Anyway, it all ended well and we handed it in on time. Came home and prepared for the ball. The few warm days leading up to the ball gave me reason to wear less and tighter. Not that I wanna scare the whole nation here away, mind you. It was more like I was homesick. I woke up on those days feeling that I was back in Malaysia again! There was just something about it - the smell of the air, the sunneam playing on your skin, the tank top hugging your waist and the sound of your flip-flops on the ground. Funnily enough, half way through my walk to uni, there was a Sibuga moment again.

Sibuga, my childhood place. When I say a Sibuga moment, it is a very abstract thing - momentary stillness that gives a slight buzzing sound, sunlight shedding a hue of yellow, soundless breeze zipping past my ears, occassionaly chirpings of birds, the smell of the air - so abstract, it might just be a feeling. Or maybe, it was just any other moments in my life or in Australia which was interpreted as being home due to my homesickness.

A bit heartbreaking, but at the same time I am glad I have a home that I miss.

As usual, the preparation for Ball this year was a total chaos as well! Started preparing at around 5 pm when Amy came over as well.

"I have to return home by 5.30 pm cos I forgot something," said an eyelash-sticking Amy.
"It is 5.33 pm now," said a purple eyeshadow dabbing me.
"Oh my God! Serious a? You think we are gonna be late or not?" said a still eyelash-sticking Amy.

In the end, we went out at 6.45 pm. Just 45 minutes behing schedule, phew~

The Marshall toilet became a warzone of eyeshadows, lipsticks, hairsprays.

WenJi was still deciding on which earrings to wear and putting on her lipgloss. So, it was still a tad bit chaotic. Me? I was practicing how to suck in my tummy. I am a more practical person *nods*

I still remember the ball we attended together in 2006. A lot of fuss placed on hair and makeup, discussions of going to professionals for help, scrambling all around looking for dresses, etc. Oh and did I forget to mention? *ahem ahem* Total unawareness of how porky all of us were.

This year, (minus the preparation period) we were all cool and composed in the ball. Well, except for WenJi who dropped her fork once or twice (?) due to some unknown sorta excitement. As if we were the oldest there, okay, maybe we were the second or third oldest, we were all just chatting among ourselves, enjoying the atmosphere, dining and wining. While in 2006, it was all about pictures with every single person in the Ball, this 2008 it was all about - food?

Truth is we were all starving and did not really know anyone in the Ball (Ta!).

The 8 table of 8.
Although the food was only alright - no one seemed to care. We all lost our dignity over food zo~! Rather than a Ball, it became a night of getting together and just crapping. Totally matches the number of the table - 8.

The number of our table and the endorser, Mr Daniel Lim.

Me and WenJi - this will be the magnet on the fridge picture.

Ray and I - food for thought.

LiLet, WenJi and Amy - the hottest gals in the Ball after the photographer herself :-)

Dessert time always reveals my other self.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

It was hailing here on Friday!

Notice the small ice-pieces falling onto the ground~

One's heart must be as deep as a well that thrusts right down to the core of this Earth, as wide as the oceans that stretch endlessly.

Deep - accommodating and maybe hiding thoughts untold.
Wide - filled with thoughts of all sorts.

Our heart is as big as our fist.
So fight with all your heart.
This, I can totally comprehend.

Our heart is as big as our fist.
So it is clenched firmly.
This, is a new thought of the day for me.

But I can't help but feel that it is somewhat true.
Clenched, we dare not let slip any weakness of ours. In a sense, we dare not trust.
The deepest of our secrets remain guarded within our fist.
The width of our hearts, reflecting our persective and acceptance of the foreign, being restricted.

I would like to think of my heart as an open palm instead.

Accepting. Relaxed. Comfortable. Trusting. Dare to be vulnerable. Peaceful.

After writing all these, it suddenly occured to me that...maybe it is not the heart that resembles our fist in size... it is our stomach, isn't it? *Hazukashii*

Well in this case, if my stomach is like a fist clenching with a vengeance firm and unforgiving, I would be thankful. Arigatou kami-sama :-)

Anyway, it is sometimes a tad bit disappointing to discover totally unsuspected thoughts from familiar faces after what seems like forever. It makes you question the intentions and the reasons behing the initial silence while wondering what constitutes the current heart of that person. Does it mean, what was unvoiced or paraphrased before all this, were mere sugar-coated representations. Representation - not words from the heart. Or, a misrepresentation - silence/ half-truths amounting to mislead. I did learn something from business law! In this instance, no negligence or fraudulent behavior was present, I believe.

But rite now. Should I treat every single statement as a representation, a mere representation? And to be cautious, to hold my heart as a clenched fist during our time together?
As I looked into your eyes as you speak, I cannot help but doubt.

It might be your kindness that led up to this.
Months of alternating warm and chill-y treatment, games of mind-guessing, sudden behavioural outbursts.
At this very moment I no longer have the sense of understanding you as a person anymore.
A day, a week, a month. But now it has been months, hasn't it?
And I still find no way of understanding you or my own position in this case.

It is alright now. After this morning, I kinda feel that it doesn't matter anymore. At least, I feel, it doesn't matter anymore to you. And probably, it is me who is the stem of the problem here, not being able to understand. Stubborn to move on. Anyhow, at this rate, I have tried my best. Tried - failed - and ready to give up.

Saying this, I feel like my 'clenched fist' has released itself. . . a bit.

Monday, September 15, 2008


What is with the synchronized falls of the red bins?

And the flat on the face fall for the signboard?


The video above shows how windy it has been around here lately. In fact, I ended up walking like a crab as a result of the wind pushing me. An indirect inference : I am just as heavy as those small tree branches :-)

Have any of you ever wondered whether you can make a difference in this wide world of millions billions of individuals?

As I was in Finance today, seeing how careless shareholders have their value or influence diluted due to unanticipated future emergencies, I can't help feeling that everyone of us, as individuals might have our uniqueness diluted should we continue living ignorantly. "Ignorant" as in? Being oblivious to what we can actually do to make our mark.

Achievement - while it is something everyone yearns - is always blown so outta proportions in today's world that we find it hard to recognize. Or hard to convince ourselves of our very own 'achievements' being an achievement. For, in the context of this cold modern society, the meaning of this word is so constricted that a majority of us wander along the streets, empty inside and drained outside, refusing to acknowledge our ownself.

Does it have to be big, tremendous or ground shaking for something to be an 'achievement'?\

The answer is no. So apparent, so obvious. But yet so hard to instill into these stubborn mindset of ours.

So what made me think about all these?

Well, I went to Coles this afternoon to pick up some grocery and as usual they were tucked into a green plastic bag. A very typical scenario. Nothing special to me.

Outside the lecture hall, I met a coursemate of mine. Typing away on his laptop, while a box of weetbix, a carton of eggs and some other grocery-like stuffs lied on the floor near him. Curious as we were, we asked why he did not have a bag for those things. To which he gave a simple, obvious answer, we should all have known by heart. Seriously, by HEART.

"Plastic bags are not good."

Wait a minute. I know this. But, then again, what have I been doing despite knowing that?

I can't say I have done as much as I should have been able to in terms of recycling. All the while, very well aware of how important it is. Why is it so hard?

Trouble? Well, come to think of it, all I have to do is just say a simple 'no' to plastic bags and sort out my garbage. Is it really that hard? No, definitely no. What is stopping me? Or, what had been stopping me to do so?

"It is not like my contribution will save much anyway."

Shameful but true.

But, let us take a look at the big picture: To say 'no' will lead to approximately 5 plastic bags saved per week making it 270 plastic bags a year. To properly sort out my garbage will see an average of 5 more plastic bottles per month, 100% increase in paper waste per month being recycled, making it 60 more bottles and 100% increase in paper waste per year.

Seems like a decent contribution or 'nah, the numbers aren't that great a difference'

I choose to think that, I will make a difference with this decent contribution.

An achievement can be miniature, indeed.

You matter.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Merdeka meh

So it was Merdeka and I hollered 'Merdeka x 3' that night.

Then I woke up to the start of Spring yesterday. Joy. Warm sunlight seeping through the blinds. . .

But it all ended so quickly!
Merdeka = Freedom, rite? You wish!
Spring = Running through the green fields as a camera pans from above, rite? No lo!

First. Just mapped out my September calender. Ooo, delightful.

"If I survive August, I survive the course"

Scrap that. This just in:

"If I survive September, I survive the course"

And I predict a similar clause for October as well.

1st Sept - Patent for inventions essay (50%)
6th Sept - Accounting Tutorial work (1%)
9th Sept - Marketing Innovation group assignment (35%)
13th Sept - Accounting Tute (1%)
15th Sept - Business Law essay (30%)
19th Sept - Pathway from science to wealth assignment (7%)
20th Sept - Accounting tute (1%)
26th Sept - Accounting group assignment (25%)

Hopefully, you will still see me UP and RUNNING by the end of this month. Not BOTTOM and DROWNING.


When I was in KL, he visited Paris I think.
Now that I am in Melbourne, he visited Sydney.

Is it destined for me and Milo (Ventimiglia as in the hottest of the burningly scorching hot Peter from Heroes) to never lay eyes and fall in love with each other?


The number on my weighing scales seems to be enjoying themselves. Adding themselves up without my permission.


Malaysia graduation will be on Thursday. While the others are smartly dressed with graduation robes and anticipating the moment, I will be in my sweat pants with on oversized T-shirt and eating low fat crackers.

I yearn for a reunion!!

SIGH. Spring ah spring, how can you do this to me?