Friday, August 3, 2007

Me and who else?

Most of the times, we dunno wat is rite or wrong.
What should be done or what not.
What do we want or not want.
What is with wrong or right in us?

Despite being the unique yourself, you feel like u dunno urself at all. So what is this all about?

There are times when I wanna do things rite. Just rite. To maintain and hold on to my beliefs. But when it falls apart, the truth can tear u.

The pride of trying to be more than you can ever be. Is it too much to ask for to want to improve oneself? All the pride can consume you along with your senses, confidence and faith. What is left is just a trail of confusion and doubts leading to the familiar world of insecurities.

There are days when I wish i was a superhero. Always there to save the day. Always with a happy ending. Always able to display acts of independence, courage. Always adored by all around me. But these dreams do not go far from the comic pages don't they? Indulging in Peter Petrelli or Harry Potter is just a mean of getting closer to this world of theirs. To let my imagination lead me to a world so ideal, transiently.

But a superhero's life is not easy as well i guess.

Since old times, people find it hard to convey what they truly feel or want inside. Ironically, cover-ups and fake statements are processed without even the brain. Aren't we all just hiding our true self? The other side of us which is always so vulnerable and insecure?

If everyone have the courage to be honest all the time, I guess this world will be half as complicated. Honesty is really the best policy. And the best policy is always the hardest to attain. So this world remains complicated. And so did I.

I am suffocating in all these emotions that is welling up inside my mind, my heart and my body. Dilemma, weak, pretentious, insecurity, lack of confidence, blind, confused, anger, frustration, sadness, self-despise, annoyance. And so much more. I feel like crying but I won't. I feel like screaming but I can't. I feel like throwing everything on the floor, but I can't.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I hate this. I hate this very very much.

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