My painful love ifction

My painful love fiction

Love can be as beautiful and also as painful as you can imagine. But what is the most painful love of all?

Being in fictional love story with a fictional character.

Why? Why? Why? . . . am I destined to suffer from this all the time?

Exploring this side of me has brought me painful memories and reminded me of my turbulent one-sided love story.

Why is this the most painful love of all?

1) It is always one-sided.

2) Or worse, when your love always have met their love of a lifetime.

3) He doesn't know you or will even know you.

4) You can never exist in the same world.

5) You can never communicate!

6) You have to imagine what it is like touching/smelling/seeing/stalking/etc him!

This last fact applies to absolutely fictional characters -

7) When their movie/game/etc is out of trend, you can't even stalk him on the internet to keep up with his professional development (ahem) or be a part of his life (ahem ahem) as the publishers have stopped investing in him *HORROR!!*

But by going through this painful story, I realized how true the saying is - "You learn something new about yourself from every relationship so it is never a waste of time or effort".

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This story dates back to when I was around 7 years old - the awakening of love, burning first love inside me!

My first love was Mamoru Chiba's alter ego - the very dashing Tuxedo Mask from Sailormoon! I was so omg-ly in love with him that I started drawing him and *scrap Sailormoon* and put in ME (!!) together all the time muaks. But of course, his love story with Sailormoon grew stronger than ever and then suddenly out came a daughter and a kingdom he built with Sailormoon, so in the end, it kinda went blah.

My first love gave me the hobby of drawing manga and fantasizing in my own sweet time. I became girly, and my Mum was thankful.

My second love was a Tuxedo Mask look-a-like, I got a type when it comes to crushes you see! He is always the lead, bravest, hebat-est, strongest, most handsome character of all. If there were two of such characters, then my fantasies would move on to become one where I was involved in a love triangle with them. And of course, it would depict them fighting for me nyahahaha!

His name is Tamahome from Fushigi Yuugi oooh. He always appeared at the very last minute and saved everyone while sacrificing himself *sniff*. How to not like, I ask you. Anyway, his love story with Miaka *chiu* became too bizarre and I was going 'AAaaAAaaAA' from the story (I believe only my Sis would understand this description). So I moved on with a dented heart as I realised that 'simplicity is always the best'.

My third love would be the very first time I deviated from a fictional character, well although, the whole love affair was as fictional as you want it to be. But hey, I seriously seriously still believe that love can bring any two individuals together okay?! So, I loved Lee Brennan from 911. Questions? *Roar*

But man, I seriously was head over heels with him. From the tongue sticking action when water was poured onto him at the end of the 'Don't Make Me Wait' MV, the super boy-ish looks and playful voice of his. In fact, I secretly wrote his name on the tag of my bolster at that time and hugged the bolster to sleep every night. Aaa....childhood memories. Swwweeeettt! Then I started buying lotsa UK gossip magazines (Smash Hits, Top of the Pops, etc) and tremendously improved my English! Educational wei.


This is another Loretta-typo-guy: Sendoh. Wasn't really that big of a crush but I recorded an episode of Slam Dunk which described him as a hero among Japan basketball players and replayed it over and over again - until the tape got lost. But Sendoh made me take up basketball (for less than 1 month) and learn how to draw deliciously defined biceps :-) Sigh, wasn't too sad as my next love interest rocked me outta my socks, man!

My very first blonde investment. Not only that, he was a bad boy *lip-smacking* A gun-totting, cool and violent swearing machine and he is a (what?) monk! Don't you just love the cliche? Not to mention his sad story and purple eyes. Sanzo-sama (calling him Master muaks). What did I get outta Sanzo? My girlishness was somehow kinda gone. And, learnt loadsa meaningful quotes from him mainly about survival and the crude truth of what one has to do to survive.


My very next love interest would be the first very publicized one. Erm, come on now together my high school chums - Shane Westlife! Yeah. I liked Nicky at first and said that Shane looked like a wrinkly old man but like I said, love is a funny thing. I heard Shane's voice (and Nicky never opened his mouth T.T) and melted inside out. I loved his personality, his voice, his down to earth nature, his immense popularity, his Shane-ness (aka your highness style). This went on for 2 years I think.

Being publicised, I endured a lot of hardship from the negative gossips surrounding him to the 'Shane is gay!' stupid comment from Choo. So hard. I even thoughtof getting a sweater for him and send it over okay? Er, when I was in Form 2 la. Despite my love, this wasn't as hard as his popularity in Malaysia made it so easyto keep track with what he is doing, drool at new pictures and talk to friends like forever about him. I learnt to sing with some sorta tremble in my voice due to hours of practice with my Sis in the car and I could understand the Irish accent quite well. He is from Ireland, duh. Dia duit!

This marks the begining of a whole new chapter in my love story. He is not the main one, but omg, he shall bring me to my utmost desire and pain in the future. Squall Leonhart, my first Final Fantasy *oo, fantasy** heart throb. Gunblade, gloomy nature, and damn-it a cool looking scar! I teared up watching the ending of the game and flowers bloomed in my heart when 'Eyes on Me' played in the game.

Then I bought a big poster of him, bought a Griever keychain which weighted like 1 kg and hung it around my neck, insisted my class make a life-size gunblade for the class play just so that we could kill Eric's character with it while I keep the gunblade. I even cosplayed as Rinoa at home with my Sis, nyahaha. With Squall, I learnt about the miracles and joy games can bring to one's life.

Then I had a mini-crush on Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7. Neh, just a mini one.

This is another super publicized one and controversial as well seeing how the majority of my friends do not recognise my feelings for him or his talent *bleh*! Another major turning point seeing how he is so very different from Shane! Teruhiko Kobashi *oooooh lala* is full of energy, voice is imperfect by earnest, nonchalant but elegant and powerful as he commands the stage. Stop me, please. I started learning Japanese because of him and learnt that the best way to treat a sleepless night is to create love stories in your mind involving you and the special him!

Whee, here comes Tidus. The first time I turned on my my Final Fantasy X soundtrack and heard his voice, I knew it was love at first hearing. Goosebumps. Loved every bit of him in fact I spent the left over exam times during Semester 2 of Form 5 drawing him sliding down a rope, to save of course :-) I learnt that PS2 brings joy to your life, so people should love the Playstation franchise :-)

Things were calm for a while as I focused on Teru for a long long time. Then a dashing young man entered my life, my Mr Darcy. Can anyone really not love him? After that, I indulged in my Hero(es) Mr Peter Petrelli. But he went for a cheerleader la, younger than me lagi. Cis itu.

Things were blah for a while then suddenly without warning, I was swept away in love by my ex.

Since when did Cloud Strife become so positively hot and tempting?

The sad but strong puppy dog blue eyes. The imperfect but determined personality. The perfect hair for all ocassions. The silent battle he fights. The love of my life, omg.



I am seriously suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms after watching Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children and playing Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core did not help!

Yes, I am suffering rite not. Without a constant supply of Cloud Strife from SquareEnix, I am struggling to see the light. I cannot live on repeated YouTube videos of him, the same old pictures and not knowing how he is doing rite now!!!! Is he suffering? Is he happy? Is he well?

Can you see, my friends?

This is really the most painful form of love. And to those of you who are thinking, "Walau, otaku tuuuu!", I am sorry you could not understand. But to those few of you who are nodding in agreement, hold back your tears and always remember, I am here with you and we shall see this through together.

Love sighhhhhhhhhhhh.