Sandakan girl reporting!

If I am to lose all of my memory today, I wonder if anyone can help me regain everything I have inside of me now. Especially my feelings which is never really accessible to the world outside. With the way things are rite now, I doubt anyone can tell me everything about me. In case I even lost my desire for independence, I shall remain a stranger to myself. But if this independence of mine was spared, then I’ll be fighting for my memory, albeit all alone again.

In the end, what is the difference?

The difference lies in the fact that I tried. Despite the disappointments, I still believed in hope. Surely, sometimes it fails you but what else is there to bet on? With practice like this, one begins to feel numb, immune towards the let-downs. Though it minimizes the pain, but is the lack of emotion the best solution in life? I still believe it not so. That is why I continued hoping while gradually becoming more cautious.

There is a part of my life which I keep locked up inside my heart. Like a very old room stuffed with more and more old, dusty boxes of memories - the ones I try hard to preserve forever and the ones I wish to fade with time. It is always in the dusk in this room as a beam of light always protrudes the brownish shade of the room from a small window. Under this beam of warm and gentle light, you can see dust floating around in the air - like memories waiting to land and settle down on the different boxes in the room. Maybe the boxes symbolizes the way I categorize the messier and messier state of my mind, or heart. For example, there is the Sweet-Memories box, the Nightmare box, the People-I-Miss box, the Dreams box or even the Celebrity-Dreams box! Facing the window, is a wooden chair of common traits. On it, sits a girl smaller than the chair with her feet dangling above the ground. Dressed like a doll complete bonnet she is always sitting still and looking out of the window, maybe at the beam of light or the scenery outside which I never once saw. Another thing I never envisioned, is the face or the facial expression of this small girl.

Although this particular picture always conjures in my mind when I find words to encourage myself, I could never really understand the meaning or even the reason behind it.

But everytime this happens, I promise to never let myself be angry, be in self-pity, be negative or even be a cry-baby for too long. For I believe all these can consume a person and drive you further away from the truth, the true self which you are or which you want to become.

So, this second onwards, I shall make 2008 another happy year in my life. So that I can add more colour to that shady room in my imaginary room.

Today is a happy day, generally speaking. My sis started college and naturally I felt a bit old but also superior. For other than my Big-Sister and Idol (!!) rank, I have officially gained another status - Senior. Not as in old but in terms of university, okay? It feels good to act Senior towards the very-Juniors. And it doesn't get any better to have the convenience of having one so at your own house, just two steps away. I am loving it.

I got some cute presents for my birthday and strangely enough - both are from Shiseido. Another stranger thing - one is from my sis. As in Lowena, with the Lo Kah Lok. And it costs quite a lot. I wonder how many presentless birthdays I will suffer due to this 2007-Present. After all, we do have a history of this happening back in 1997. Speaking of which, is this a 10 year cycle thing? So there will be nothing for my birthday for the next 5 years? Oh no. . .

This is the Eye Cream I got from my sis and believe it or not, that very afternoon at the very same Sunway Pyramid, I was thinking of getting an eye cream myself. Oh, creepy. The other Shiseido present I received was from my YiMa who I really miss rite now. Eyeshadow and lipglosses in one flashy casing (I love!!) and also another furry, little pouch which is leopard-printed. Oh, I feel wild already. . .

Why combine all 4 pictures together? I just thought it would look artsy in case this didn't pop up in your mind when u saw it. Ceh.

More cosmetics from my Brother Eddie. Bobbi Brown Corrector and Concealer set, making me bright eyed 24/7. To play more Final Fantasy 12 and hopefully, die off later.

Last but not least, two carefully packaged Totoro I received from dear Oli all the way from Aussie. Thanks a lot~ I wanted to name one after you but the namesake got nabbed by my sis, so now they are. . .

Now for a few snapshots of the first house I lived in back in Sandakan. I must have spent about 14 years there. The special feature of that house is, it is very traditional in a lot of ways and so, it manages to hold a lot of my childhood memories.

The swing we thought of as the greatest creation ever on Earth when we were young. We even created a so called Abs-Exercise using this 'machine' here and we practiced hard everyday. Until dogs were introduced into our compound and so our tummy-bloats began.

This is the front garden and for as long as I could remember, that huge mango tree had been there.

Another historical monument! These water tanks have been there for as long as I can remember as well. There is just something peaceful about this scene. Since this is the place where I spent my childhood where no worries existed, there is just something serene about it. Making me believe that this is someplace I can always return to.

One of the best chefs in MY world and always the kindest grandma one could have. When I was young, I was lactose intolerant (I guess!) so I rejected all sorts of milk at the age of 3 months. So this kind grandma of mine grinded rice and other nutritious stuffs for me to eat as commercial baby food are not good enough! How can you not love her?

This is what we see every Sunday night when me, my sis and my mum goes back to my grandparents' place for dinner. After I'd say 21 years (oh well. . . ), it still hasn't changed one bit.

Every single dish is cooked with genuine ingredients here and no instant-helpers used! While we think this is terrific, my Grandma somehow, loves amusing herself by buying all sorts of new, frozen or instant food. Then she would be amazed at how easy nuggets can be prepared and improvise on it. She even knows which instant noodle is the tastiest and where it is sold the cheapest. She is not OLD at all. . .

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the dish my Grandma is well-known for! Chicken feet and Mushrooms. And notice the plate she used? We call that the Vintage Plate - cool eh!

And this is the present my Grandma gave me before I felt Sandakan. She feeds me like a pig and it feels good. . . secretly I admitted here (oh no. .)! It costs only RM 1 per piece and tastes nice! See the name written on the plastic bag? Lo Tai (Mrs Lo). Miss her a lot. Really really do.