Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Why would you...?

My aunty asked me this the other day:

Do you enjoy your life this way - waking up thinking you are late, rushing off to work, coming back home after more than 8 hours to a quiet house, thinking hard what to cook for dinner before mashing up just anything you have in your fridge, surfing the internet without speaking a word, crashing into bed - everyday?

Why won't you want to return home instead - waking up to some warm breafast, going to work in a car pool with family or friends, coming back home after home-cooked dinner and the chattering of family, spending the remainder of the night watching TV and chatting, going to sleep feeling safe and sound - everyday.

Yeah, I know the first scenario sounds sucky - it feels as if the time you spent chasing after eventually became time which passed you by.

And yeah, sure the second scenario sounds good, actually beyond good - perfect. To have family around you all the time, to be well taken care of, to be burdened with less worries. But then again, is it really what you want?

Everyone wants different things.

While family is very important to me and the thought of spending so little time with them breaks my heart, I feel happy to be here doing what I am doing now.

Sure, it sounds a bit sad, a bit empty and maybe even pointless?

But can you understand when I say that I feel happy?
Maybe it is the sense of thrill from chasing your dreams and seeing how far you can go on your own. Maybe it is the sense of achievement from being independent and trying to build a life on your own.

Maybe it is just me. Or maybe this is you, too.

I do realise the days pass me by and I talk a lot more over electronic devices than in person.

I do realise my dinners could be better prepared and I should be sleeping more.

So, why am I doing this?

I don't have a clever answer - it is just because I feel happy right here right now.

3 Hikari*fications!:

Steve said...

Don't let the homey feeling stop you from chasing that independence. Go make something out of yourself :)

hikari* said...

Hey thanks! I am all good again, and going back to Msia in less than a month! Woohoo!

Mizmanda said...

I understand exactly what you mean by this post. Because i feel happy this way too...and no, I do not have any clever answers either. Guess yours will have to suffice! ;)

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