Caterpillar and Aaron Kwok

Identity crisis is going on in my Melby life.

Due to a mini pimple crisis on my forehead, I decided to clip up my fringe on Tuesday.

And I looked like Shin Chan.

Both our eyebrows resembling caterpillars, big fat caterpillars.

So, I decided to wear down my fringe.

And I looked like the 1990's Aaron Kwok.

Notice the floppy hair and the handsome face. The 1990's standard.

Why don't I do something about it?

No Money la, what do you expect? It is the curse of the high currency rate here in Aussie and the higher service fees charged. The result? Floppy 90's fringe with two contrasting tones of colour and a more contrasting caterpillar-like eyebrows.

With such a depressing hair image rite now, the coldness of winter is only dampening my mood further. So badly that, extremely small, fluffy, cute and simple stuffs can make me super excited for a split second.

First, to see Mist coming outta ur every breath. Makes me feel like a mystical creature, not scrap that, Mystical 'Being', one that produces all the Mist in Ivalice. . keke.

Second, the sudden appearance of cotton candies, pink and fluffy! Knowing how life-less the bunch of us are rite now, me and my coursemates were literally thrilled to see some colour in our life. Before gobbling it all up and proceeded to go on a sugar-high. For wine and cheese on the same day, there was a candy cocktail~ higher on sugar by 5 pm.

Yani and I and the cotton candy :-)

For some reasons, pictures of me and Chitra never turn out rite!

Regardless, I finally found one picture of me, without the caterpillar eyebrows and Aaron Kwok fringe year 1990.

YES!

Had an interesting presentation yesterday! Talking about our dream careers. The presenter before me had the courtesy to ask whether he could use a picture of me in his presentation. Being nice, I said yes. So he proceeded to put a picture of me dozing off in class and told everyone that I was his Personal Assistant and blablabla. The 'blablabla' as I could not interpret anything he said after that as I was stunned and my face was buried in my hands. And I was the second one to step to the front after that.

Prof Vitale who will be giving a talk about our course in Monash Malaysia today said, as I was waiting to make a start while the others were giving feedback to the presenter before me, "We better hurry before Loretta dozes off in front."

I feel loved.

Stupidemailadresses@stupidemailaddresses.com

You know the giddy feelings you get when you go over old and possible embarassing pictures of yourself? Well, I found out that the same can happen to email addresses as well! Especially the very well preserved ones. . . . but of cos, I won't be publishing a list of others' email addresses rite here. Not that I really care. . . haha. But ever since going through Negligence in Business Law, I figured there are too much I have done in the past or have though of doing, which would have made me sue-worthy!

So I shall just limit the scope of this research to using email adresses which are long bygones, in the land of unwanted-forgotten email adresses :-)

I don't remember my very first email address, but it was an @tmnet.com.my and since my Dad was the one who had it made, I doubt it'd be anything fancy.

. . . And this proved to be true, once compared to the ones I made as soon as I found out that an email address is not really an ADDRESS. You can actually have a FEW!

So the list of disastrous email adresses started. . .

Shaneta86@westlife-something-something.com

Sailormars1986@embarassingly-stupid.com

Lovepikachu4ever@outta-my-mind.com

Kahzeezeezee@what-the.com

. . .I think the top 3 ones are kinda self explanatory. The last one was inspired, ah just the right word, 'inspired' by the nickname my late Uncle call me by. Kah Zee.

And FYI, all these email addresses date back to before I turned 13 or 14, okay? Well. Except for the Westlife one. That was used until I turned 17. Erm. Okay, let us just move on.

Needless to say, none of them are being used now. Please do not tell me you expected the otherwise *sweat*. The truth is I never told anyone about the existence of these addresses at all! It was purely for my own private enjoyment, whatever enjoyment there was. The only mails coming in would be subscribed emails about , you guessed it, Westlife, Pokemon and Sailormoon.

It was pretty tedious, you know, maintaining so many accounts.

And don't even get me started on the cringe-worthy ICQ/ mIRC nicknames I used. And I do hope it is forgotten among my friends as well. Let us make it a friendship pact, eh? *wink*

Anyway, the funniest ever email address I have seen would be the one belonging to a dear friend of mine, ha ha ha.

1) It was Westlife related as well.

2) It was as obsessive as mine.

3) It was directed to the same member within Westlife, which I liked as well.

But why was hers worse than mine?

4) The name of that guy was spelt wrongly!

5) It was used so extensively that she has to keep using it until now, in every single formal / informal document.

Never fails to crack me up.

Suddenly miss my QBee and Elaine eh!

Zhang did pula.

A consequence of being too 'good' in English *ahem*.

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
omg my housemate changed hairstyle.... zhang did cannot recognize her @@

hIkArI* s The Joker. says:
.............?
siapa zhang??

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
hahahahahahaha
"zhang did"
omg u made me really LOL
hampir cannot recognize her

hIkArI* s The Joker. says:
siapa zhang??

*Stephen^ Know Music, Know Life~~ says:
zhang did = cantonese
zhang did = hampir

hIkArI* s The Joker. says:
ah ceh!!

. . . . tsk tsk tsk.

G.F.

This is how alarming my otaku level is:

When Steve used the abbreviation 'gf':

I thought not of 'girlfiriend' but,

'Guardian Force'.

**Like this here, Shiva.

As in the things that Squall and co. summoned.

The ones in Final Fantasy 8.

The ones that made his memory go hay-wire.

Okay. Further explanations. That will only make me seem more,

OTAKU.

**This is Ifrit btw.

Accounting Urghhhhh

If you read my last post, you would certainly know that I am currently being badly tortured by Accounting. Now, here's an update: Patent Law, Business Law and the to-be-released-on-Monday Intellectual Property Law exam results, are also torturing me at the same time.

And I am having a BBQ tonight, what the hell!

I have always been right when I rejected Accountings all through my life (until this pathetic point) and associated the then-wannabe Accountant, Mr Eric Fong, to balding-mumbling-middle-aged-men.

Why the sudden resentment towards Accounting (although it is really hardly sudden. . . )? Well, I just spent the last 1 hour with two Quality-Assured personal Accountants of mine (WenJi and Amy), doing my very FIRST Balance Sheet and Income Statement, with Accrual Accounting using Microsoft Excel. Don't even bother asking me to explain further as you will not understand. . . . . if I am the one explaining. Go Wiki la, what century ady a!

This is no exaggeration at all, mind you. Prepare yourself for a very scary picture of my current place and also state of mind.

Exactly. Do you wanna be doing this?

Or would you rather . . .

. . be eating Trampoline and grinning full-heartedly unbeknownst of the terror awaiting you in a week's time?

Okay, both sounds equally bad but, at least Trampoline was in the last picture!

Winter has gotten harsher now. In fact, there was a hailstorm when I was walking back from the bus loop on Monday night. Luckily I have my very own RACV on standby 24/7. Why I get such a privilege? Leng lui lo. . . *Wink of convince*.

So, I made a few new friends who I cannot live without lately. Not WenJi of course, she is just someone who sleeps in my room every night. We are not close at all. Not close at all. :-)

My current best friends are: High socks, heaters, large coats, gloves, boiling-hot water, sunshine and boots! In fact, I jus realized that they are always in pictures with me. See. . .

It is amazing how sunlight is like the baddie of all baddies back in Malaysia, while over here you chase the sunlight,. . . for the sunlight. This is what my Mum always say to be acts of Zin Gwet Teu (Keji Tulang).


Speaking of my Mum, the High Empress will be coming on the 11th of August together with two other Empresses (Grandma and Auntie) and a Fat Emperor (my Bro!). I am so gonna be a Slave then. Slave to all these royalties and also to my beloved course which will be giving me the excitement of an exam, 3 assignments and the ongoing project all in 2 weeks. Joy. Pure joy. But frankly, I can't wait to see them! Having not seen me for half a year, my stock price must have increased a lot, as compared to those of puny Lowena and Ivy's, ah ha ha ha ha~ Can't wait!

I just hope Mum will not comment on the fact that I got fleshier. After all, I am trying to cultivate some curves as I ready myself for the transition from 'cute' and 'pretty' to 'sexy' and 'sultry'. But being a highly confidential project, I will not share more of how the progress is. After all, I don't really want all the females out there following me. Then I might have to publish a book or devise some kinda formula and sort out all those copyright or trademarking prob *(Oh gosh, please lemme pass Intellectual Property Law, please please please).

Anyway, I am sure this project of mine is working as my face has gotten oh-so-curvier. IT reminds me of a pau/bun. Yeah, soft and fluffy and. . . *I'll let you fill in the blank*.

Ooops! Time to wrap up Accounting (who cares if the accounts are not balanced, important meh?) and start preparing for the BBQ~

BBQ in winter. Drooling in winter :-)

Next week I will be presenting about my dream career and how I plan to attain it. A really interesting one, as until now, I am not so sure of what I really want. Not a very clear picture of the future, but at least now it is some vague something I can shape and dare to dream about. To have a starting point is comforting. To have the little confidence to be able to achieve or do something about it, is all the while, the most important thing I gained so far.

Just started preparing for the presentation and after compiling the list of careers I have considered throughout my life, . . . it kinda scared me, just by looking at that list. That very LONG list of everything under the sun.

Teresa.

Monies - plural for money.



Who would have guessed?



Yet another new discovery at 12.34 a.m., 21st July 2008.



By the way, due to a twist of fate, I am studying accounting again rite now. 8 a.m. tutorials, 30 minute trip to Caulfield, confusing numbers, 20 page lectures, weekly tutorial questions to be submitted . . . it is bringing back memories of Puan Teresa and her Accounting class in Form 3. *Go figure*



And it is not fun to feel Puan Teresa-ed when you are a 21 year old adult.

Fog

I am in a state of not knowing where to do.

There is no current pushing me anywhere.
Nor are there any breeze whispering to me where to go.

Just dead air, weightless and still.

As if I am standing in a secluded forest with fog so thick that I can't see anything at all.
The world appears surreal and monochromatic.

The sun seems to be there, but not quite there.
While I can see the vague sunlight, the warmth is still quite out of reach.
To be teased by this the sun, reaching for something you can never get a hold of.

Here comes a conflict.
Should I continue struggling and fighting for the unreachable?
Just to comfort myself, convincing myself that I am strong?

Should I just accept the fact and give up while it is still not too late?
Just to protect myself, never wanting to have to face such hurt again?

To be a blind hero or a shivering coward.
Can I just remain here. Unmoving. Still lost, but standing still.

Too bad, my pride is killing me.
The partially shattered pride, with its bits and pieces stabbing me, everytime I remember of it.

Clown

We think of ourselves as strong, when we say we don't need anyone else.
We think of ourselves as mature, when we say we don't want anything else.
We think of ourselves as rational, when we say we don't desire for something else.

But, I would rather be weak, immature and irrational than to not need anyone else, want anything else or desire for something else. In other words, I would rather be weak, immature and irrational than to allow everything to pass by before me without capturing the moment or creating a memory out of it.

For it will just lose its meaning and become just another day in my life.

Maybe it is just me.
I do not need anyone to agree with me or see it my way.

Anticipation just builds up disappointment.
This is one lesson I learnt.

Maybe, just maybe. I should channel this energy of mine or build up my anticipation only when it is worth it.

What is the point of waking up to a supposingly meaningful day only to sleep to an unworthy and disappointing night? Just makes you feel like a clown.

Puppy-love-sick

At this moment, I really really really really want a puppy.

Isn't it nice to have a companion waiting for you at home, one that prances on you as soon as you open the door and then snuggles up to you, demanding for every bit of your attention?

It gets better when they look at you with those darn cute puppy dog eyes and barks ever so adorably in agreement with what you said.

How could anyone resist a puppy?

Well, my mum and sis can. In fact, there was once when my Sis was chased a few laps around our grandparents' place, complete with her earth shattering screams, made every single person in the household took notice, only to find her stumbling back into the house and . . . a 2 month-old, less than 30 cm talll puppy behind her.

Now that I am in Melby on my own, I should be getting myself a puppy! One to call my own!
I am now wailing inside everytime I come across anything that suggests 'puppy'.

12 a.m. tonight

14th of July is the day where two miracles happened.

One happened 23 years ago, around 10 p.m.

One happened 2 years ago, around this time, 12 a.m.

More to come.

To dream a dream

Lately I have been thinking a lot regarding, graduation and what follows.

Being a student, there are always some well defined goals directing you of where to go, guiding you towards the end, reassuring you of your sense of purpose, telling you of what you ought to do. Just like a railway track. No matter what the obstruction along the tracks, the pathway is always still clear to you, along with the destination.

But upon graduating, reaching that final destination along the railway track, you will be stepping out into an ocean. No signposts offering guidance, no single track to travel on, no clear or definite destinations anywhere near you. Just a vast ocean seemingly with no boundaries. Occassional waves crashing into you, sometimes pushing you towards and sometimes away from the destination. Loneliness as you are thrown into total unfamiliarity. A persistent and maybe tiny fear tugging at your heart with every baby step you take. Hoping and praying that the destination or at least, signs of it will appear soon and that it is a destination you have desired.

A seemingly boundary-less ocean and me alone inside this picture.

From another perspective, perhaps, or life would be too bleak.

It also signifies the endless opportunities all around, the ability to carve out our own journey, the freedom to spread our wings and soar, the empowerment to dream out a destination and by all means, reach it by fighting through this ocean of doubt, confusion, insecurity, fear, failures.

For I am sure, once we reach our dream destination, the "doubt, confusion, insecurity, fear, failures" will be something we look back on and smile with a sigh as we hold on to what we gained through them: "faith, peace of mind, security, confidence, successes".

Speaking of a dream destination. In a sense, the meaning of 'dream' has evolved into being too literal, nowadays. People dream a 'dream' and continue to see it as a 'dream'.

Why did this happen I wonder?

When we graduate, we are all full of hope, expectations and passionate dreams. We cannot wait to contribute to the society, to exceed our own expectations, to achieve something, to savour success, to be the person we always dreamt of being.

But, it is hardly ever so easy, isn't it? Out of the billions of people in this world, or in a more realistic sense, out of the hundreds of employees in that small company you are working for, how significant are you really? Before long, we realize achievement and success seems far, even the mere wish to be contributing seems doubtful. Then, you wonder where that 'person you dreamt of being' has gone to. And if you are not careful, will you forget about 'this person'. Or, have you already given up 'this person'?

The Age of Frustration. Before you know it, you have become one of the many 'faceless', 'robotic' working machines you once promised of never being, on the streets. Out of convenience. Due to a lack of fighting spirit. With that, you are drifting alone in the wide ocean, being swept by the current, admitting your own defeat. Or maybe, you are anchoring yourself at that very spot in the ocean, unmoving and firm not due to strength, but of fear to change.

So does that mean, dreams will always be 'dreams'?

Then can we say that it is cruel to be encouraged to follow our dreams or to even have a dream? To be pouring out our heart and soul, betting all our hopes, building our passion, chasing endlessly, protecting and defending, and growing on this dream of ours ever so sincerely and innocently. Only to know that, it will not come true. Or maybe rather than it being a process of attaining, it is actually a process of accepting the impossibility of attaining this so-called dream? Again, is that just too cruel?

So we are all doomed to become another graduate. Just another, any other graduates out there.

But if everyone is to think like that, if everyone is to throw away all their dreams or to not have a dream at all. What is there left in us? We will just become an empty shell, surviving just from the biological and chemical processes driving our organs which would otherwise be as dead as our soul. Life would be so empty that I will not even be able to stand firm and strong against the strong winter gusts.

Dreams are there. . . to keep us alive, or at least, to make us feel alive. They might not come true at all, but do we really gain nothing out of it? What about along the way? False starts, failures, shortcomings, disappointments . . . sad as they may seem, surely they are important and forms the essence of life. For without them, how will we learn to fight for what we are and to appreciate what we have?

Maybe we have been too confused and hopeful in this overly-commerciliazed 'dreams come true' concept. Take another look, open up your mind, discover another meaning to it.

We might not be really all that special if compared to the billions of people out there. But we are definitely special to a few of those very important people in our lives.

Knowing that, perhaps we are really asking for too much sometimes.
Live with your dreams.

Bite bite

The official unveiling of the week-long pimple.



Okay, on second thought, maybe that arrow wasn't really needed. Afterall, it is that big and proud.

After having almost two weeks' worth of block lectures, I thought I would just share with you all what it is like to be trapped within the same room, suffocated by at least 5 hours of information and seeing the same ol' expressionless faces, from 9 am till 4 pm every single day.

For the past week, I had 3 days of block lectures, all being in the city. That means, waking up to a dark 'morning', nearly stepping on my housemate who is sleeping on the floor next to me while getting out of bed, stepping onto the freezing cold tiles in the bathroom and dragging your sleeping butt out of your house by 7.20 a.m. for a 10 minutes walk to the bus loop where your hair gets blown all over your face while you are dressed like a walking dumpling.

The journey by train and bus to the city takes generally 40-60 minutes. Being peak hours, you usually stand at one small corner and hope no armpits get stuck to your face, or if there is, that it is one with no smell. Reaching Souther Cross station, you jump out and walk for a tough 10 minutes to reach the Chamber of Laws, as you fight against the tempting muffins, hot chocolates and lemon tarts.

The moment you step into the warmth of the building, the marathon starts. I must admit I kinda enjoy studying about the various tricks and smart arguments exhibited in patent law. In fact some of my coursemates are seriously considering a career as a patent attorney! Imagine that! Law is just. . . amazing. And the graduates have such cool robes! Silver on black, na!

We have a 3o minute break after 1.5 hours (usually occupied by a sandwich). Then we have another 1 hour lunch break after another 2 hours (usually occupied by a rice/pasta/sushi roll lunch). Then finally it will be another 1.5 hours of class (celebrated by a muffin/sundae).

Another hour back to Clayton, for a kampung dinner and beauty sleep~

As for my Economics lecture in Clayton, it starts at 9 am till 4 pm. And this is a killer, simply cos of the fact that it can bore you, literally to death. The lecturer has the ability to repeat one single fact for 4 times. 4 times. I can gobble up a muffin in that time. So basically this is what block lectures are.

So now, to enable everyone to have an easier understanding on this matter, here is a pictorial depiction.

Sour worms to 'sour'/wake up your 365 senses!

Piles and piles of empty sweet wrappers. . .

Almost everyone is equipped with a cup of hot coffee and with their handphone whipped out . . . desperate for a call/sms to get them 'outta' the room.

Not notes, but 'old-fashioned' note passing. Pages after pages.

Last but not least. A sleeping person. Person.

Here is a random picture of me and Yani. My coursemate from Indonesia!

Melbourne has been gloomy and cold lately. The peak of winter. A warm garlic bread, nothing else. It is the ability to indulge in these little happiness in life that counts towards 'happiness'!

. . .and also some small 'bitterness' such as having to sit in the library ALONE during one of the last days of the mid year break, working on your project.

A bittersweet life.

Life cannot be sweet all the time. For without bitterness, we will never appreciate what is sweet. Just like coming home to a housemate's bah kut teh cooking. It might look common, or even slightly blah. But.

Take a bite at it, at everything, at life! Bite ya way through! Kya Kya!
Life is to be bitten back at! Don't let it bully ya down!

Eruption

This picture accurately depicts a 1 cm2 area on the right side of my cheek a bit below my right eye.