Monday, August 23, 2010

I don't usually emo

I have been emo-ing the whole day.

I am never one to emo too much. Whenever I find myself down, slightly depressed or hopeless in anyway, I would go out of my way and make sure I pick myself up.

I just don't like to picture myself as someone who is constantly gloomy or worrysome. I want to radiate (or at least try to do so) positivity, energy and excitement.

I am saying that I try to, not that I do all the time.
But I guess you and I know that it is impossible to be a bright little ball of sunshine all the time.

The key here is to find and grow the energy in you, that very little drop sunshine.

Today - I was not sad nor depressed. I began to think and think and think.
Why did it take me sooooooo long to recover today?

It was emptiness.

To say goodbye early in the morning. Before a long solitary bus ride to work. Followed by a day of repetitive work. Coupled with images of the week before and sweet reminiscence. Ending in another long solitary bus ride home.

I was not sad or depressed.
I was just drifting away . . . .without much to look forward to. Not in terms of life, or say food or Chanel.

But, in terms of, a someone close to you where you find comfort in going home to everyday, solace after a harsh day at work, laughs in between conversations - just someone you know can make the day worth it no matter how bad it had been.

It saddens me a bit that I have to do all that through phone.
But at the same time I guess I should be thankful that at least we have our phones.

An empty house. A dark living room. A quiet hallway.

How I wish today was just like yesterday when I had the luxury of reaching out at arm's length to you but without the nagging tug in the heart of knowing that you would be going away again soon.

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