Thursday, April 12, 2007

Funny feelings that linger.

I can speak of a lot of things. Make them funny, make them dramatic, make them lively. I enjoy seeing the reactions of people after that.

But why are there words which could never make it out of me? Most of the time being words which have been harboured long in my heart. Wanting to express, never able to. Anticipating but yet slightly scared of the response for it. I figured that the more I wanna convey these words, the harder it gets. The harder it is, the more true it is. So true tat it can be called the naked truth; fragile and precious. That is why it is so hard to part with these words. They might have become a part of you.

Despite saying all these, I guess insecurity plays a part as well. Not knowing of what the future holds. Taking one timid step at a time. Hoping for the best. Getting to each of ours' destinations. I feel so insecure.

Always one who likes to know what is going on. I find it hard to live plagued by issues of insecurity. Scared of being in the sea, being carried from the ground and so on, I have always been uneasy with the thought of not having my feet on the ground, not having something I can hold on to or just not knowing where I am. What more, now I feel like I am lost amidst an endless flow of shadows. Shadows of time. Shadows of people. Shadows of memories.

I wonder if time will pass me by. Along with this, memories of me. I watched in a movie before, a girl who was afraid of being forgotten, asked for her picture to be taken. She felt like pictures can last forever. Which is partly true. Cos instead of really lasting forever, a picture can evoke a thousand memories and along with it, emotions. Other than that, unlike memories, pictures are objects which we can see, touch and own. How insecure am I to think of it this way.

Somewhere out there tonight, I wonder if any of the people whom I have not met with thought about me. If time can really fade away everything, I wonder how much time I have to halt this. Really, I wonder if there's really anything I can do.

Time, memories, insecurities, cowardice. All the elements which make our journey much more meaningful. Not to survive, but to live a life.

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