Sen Lin Choi (New Year Fortune)

Why is it always the hardest to accept ourselves as who we are?

While we struggle with all the weaknesses we identify in ourselves.
While we hide true intentions which would supposingly do harm to our image?
While we conceal little desires or wishes just to gain a sense of affiliation in society.
While we fight the urge to be ordinary and just to fit in.
While we deny soft spots perceived as deficiencies within us.
While we forget the gentleness life offers as we battle for surival.

While we lose our identity among the faces of millions of strangers.

Sometimes, I look at you. And I wonder, whether it is of hidden rage, teenage confusion, cover-up of lack of confidence, affiliation seeking, or ...I dun even know. It is not something wrong, nor is it right. It is not something angering to me, nor is it disappointing. Not upsetting, nor frustrating.

Disturbing. Unsettling. Worrying.

As I see a different face of you in front of me, and in front of your friends. I came to realize, close as we are, I don't know you at all. I wonder during your countless blog entries what was going through your mind. I wonder if your choice of words really reflected your state of mind, or was it just for the sake of it? I find myself, uneasy, everytime your blog starts loading. Then disturbed after that.

It confuses me. I think i know you well enough. More than anyone else.

But often, I feel like I dunno you at all after the blog sessions.

The truth is, I think I know you. You are not accepting yourself.
I have gone through this before so it is easily understood that this phase will soon be over.
But hasn't it been dragged too long already? Honestly, it frustrates me to see you still at conflict with yourself.

Stop conflicting with yourself. Confused, lost as you are, be tough and find ur way out. Be brave and make the decision to escape from the 'fit-in' shortcut. Be unique, be special, be yourself. Surely things will be harder when you break away from the stereotype, but it will be worthwhile.

Once you can be at peace with yourself, life will be viewed in a whole new perspective and lived with a whole new philosophy. Bitter memories will serve as lessons, not burden, while sweet memories will add meaning to life, not transient happiness. Believe me.

Knowing you are not someone like that, embrace all you are.
Recognize yourself as unique, and not just one of your friends.
Express your feelings from deep inside, and not just as a mask that flatters others.
Never hide your dreams, desires or wishes just because it'll be uncool to others.
Believe in what you have got, and make the best out of it.
You can make decisions, and make others follow it out of respect for you.
Dun give up as an attempt the minimize the feeling of disappointment or frustration which might entail.
Think of everything yourself, never blindly travel behind others.
Stand out, stand up. It is time already.
This is your life, live it the way you want.

You are better than you perceive yourself to be.
Stop acting like one of the others.
Surely you are more special than that.

Life does not go on forever, so make it shine.
This entry I dedicate to you.