Allow me to trust you

It is freaky how this issue of trust has haunted me these few days. First of all, there was this lecturer of mine. Being a business person, he gave a very true quote which was meant to be applied in business terms, of course, which goes off like this:

"To trust, one must be prepared to be vulnerable. For trust cannot be broken if you did not hand it out in the first place."

I couldn't help feeling how accurately it depicts my feelings towards the trust issue. Some might call me guy-ish or wannabe-independent, but it is the lack of trust that makes me so. Lack of trust probably makes it sound bad so I always offer myself and others a few options:

- I am holding back personal issues.
- I lack security in life.
- I am simply not confident enough.
- I am born timid.

So basically the problem stems in me. Simple words of displeasure, mere words, can make me waver and quiver. Then doubts creep in and my mind goes spiralling downwards.

Until I read the result of a personality test I did on facebook just now! It is called the Dr. Phil Test on Facebook. . . and my results showed. . .

'Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.'

What is wrong with me! So it is in me!

Come to think of it. I have always been scared of uncertainties, the unknown and instability. Whenever there is a blackout, I wouldn't be able to move because I dunno what is lying before me: ground, hole or obstruction. Whenever I gain someone to rely on, I would hold back after a while because I dunno how long it will last.

Trust. What is it?
Naturally, I googled it up on Dictionary.com and found a few noteworthy explanations:

-reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
-confident expectation of something; hope.
-to believe.
-allow without fear.

Upon reading this, I really wonder. Does 'trust', complete trust, really exist in this world?

So, I extended my research to Wikipedia, although not really a recognized source. . .

-Trust is a relationship of reliance.
-Based on the most recent research, a failure in trust may be forgiven more easily if it is interpreted as a failure of competence rather than a lack of benevolence or honesty.
-Once trust is lost, by obvious violation of one of these three determinants, it is very hard to regain trust.

After reading this part, it makes more sense. Trust is really all around us. Rather than being born, trust is killed off one after another as time goes by. Although this killing is essential to allow only real trusting relationships to prevail, the hurt and insecurity it produces along the way retards the development of new trusting bonds with new individuals we meet later in life. With the number of failed trust relationships overshadowing the successful ones, we start to forget the beauty of real trust and even give up ever building new trusting bonds altogether.

Maybe this is what happened to me. Maybe I should really re-examine everything around me.

Then, maybe I can change.