Rite now...

Rite now, Miss Lo is at a phase where she doesn't know what she wants or how she feels. Like a middle-aged balding guy sifting thru the many channels of Astro not knowing anyone of them. Except that I am falling thru pages and pages of some shoujo manga to which I am not even interested in.

Usually shoujo mangas perk up my mood, or at least makes me feel slightly giddy in the way it puts love and romance above all else. Somehow, it makes your brain less tense and your smile more natural. But in the end, you still end up going to bed not knowing what you want and how you feel. I guess tonight had just been a waste of time or a deliberate attempt to drag time to make yourself tired enough to sleep without having to think of anything at all.

The action of people are a lot of times, contradictory. People who jokes the hardest are often the most insecure inside. People who have a lot of contacts are often the loneliest at heart. People who smile and say the perfect yes are always stranger than those who dare to say no to us. People who acts cold are often the one in need of most support and warmth.

I am pretty sure all people are aware of these facts. If that is so, why do we still spend time guessing what others' intentions are, hiding our own feelings? Then it leads to the misreading of everything we conceal. If this is a mistake well recognized, why do we still lack the courage or initiative to communicate and release all that is locked inside?

Let the heavy emotions drown you as it sink into the depth of despair? Maybe it is just like digging a grave for yourself. But despite calmly writing all this, I wonder why I am still the way I am.