Longing

At this moment, I really don't know what I should do, or what I want to do.

While dreading the thought of myself believing too much of fairy tales, waiting everyday for my prince come and expecting a happily ever after ending, I found myself to be really helpless, powerless and cowardly. There is this struggle in me to break from all the fear and indecisiveness, and to be able to express all my feelings to the one I am thinking of.

As much as I want to or as much as I visualize myself as a girl brave enough to see him in the eye and tell him all I have kept locked in my heart, there is the feeling that I could never do that. For, as soon as that image assumes in my mind, what follows will be the amazingly starry night, romantic background music and all the melodrama..... Back to my fairy tales again.

The longer you keep, the heavier it gets and the harder it is to be expressed.
The more stubborn one is, the more lingering the feeling is and the harder the fall will be.
The more uncertain it is, the more confused one becomes and the more sorrowful the journey will be.

I know cause this is what I am feeling now. But still, I don't know if this is what love is.
But then again, is love ever a definable term?

To let a single sad love song trigger all sorts of uneasiness inside you.
To let small memories of him and you, make you grin to yourself.
To be anxious when you see him on MSN, get his sms or calls.
To find him in your thoughts always.
To forget about this feeling only when occupied.
To find your room really quiet and cold.
To wish for him to be by your side before you sleep.

I really wish I could gather the courage to be the superhero I always hope myself to be like, brave, straightforward and strong.

Although what I want to express is just feelings.