Tuesday, June 13, 2006


I dread saying goodbyes to people. Especially when it's going to be a long one. This morning, as I woke up and prepared for departure, it required a bit of effort to contain everything inside me. For I dun wanna be like before, although everyone of them had been expecting it from me. But then I knew from way before, that I'd definitely shed a tear or two when I get back.

Unlike the last few days, this morning was kinda quiet and colder. I really didn't crap much! And Bro was also quite serious. For once, he didn't even tease me or try to make me cry. But then thinking back, it must have been more than a year that I last saw him. For now, I dunno when the next time will be. And this feeling is really bad.

It was glad to see YiMa and Grandma so full of life and just like before. Part of my family actually accompanied me here in Aussie for 4 days. For all these while, Aussie had always given me a feeling of isolation, from all ties and family I have. But now, maybe it should be specified to Normanby?

Returning here, I tried sleeping all the way back during my flight. So that I would not think of it. But it is not escapable. On the way back to Normanby, the passing sceneries while I was in the taxi made me feel .....empty. I feel like everything is passing me by. A lot of important things are passing me by back in Malaysia. I feel left out.

Back in my room now. Haha, honestly, I cried...a bit! Not as bad as before. Maybe it is cos of the sudden change?

The few days before had been noisy, gossip-y, busy, filled with laughter, in a small, crammed apartment, had YiMa, Grandma & Bro who I could always cling on, inside jokes, feeling loved and committed to something. All sunny, warm, pancakes, beach, butterflies and strawberries.

But now, in my room it is empty, cold, silent, still, lonely, nothingness, only my blanket, only a phone, filled with memories too good to be true and homesickness. All tears, greyness, crappy and filled with depression.

This makes me feel very dependent and weak. But then, I really couldn't help it. I am sure this feeling will fade away soon enough. It is always like this. I just need to fill my days with business and no time to dwell in my memories. Afterall, I will be seeing everyone again soon enough.

Maybe I shouldn't have came over here? If I didn't, I would regret it dearly.
For now, this is just a phase I have to go through.
I miss every single thing back in Malaysia.
But I will also miss every single thing in Aussia soon enough as well.

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