Young Love Fantasies

When I was young, maybe due to the influence of TV or whatever, I used to imagine a lot about my future partner. There are a few qualifications, vows and little memos I made to myself, which thinking back seems a bit childish but funny now.

I love flowers but then I didn't get the fact why it's always roses that were given as a symbol of romance. Sure they are pretty and spells romance, but then isn't it a bit stereotypical? That was when I made a little decision that in any point of my life, when a guy gives me the flower I have in my mind, he'll be a special one. This flower had been on my mind since then, but till now, none received. So I guess the one is not here yet? Hehe...

There was another phase of my life where I was obsessed with Westlife. Ok, a confession this is..... I was obsessed with Shane Filan. I loved his voice so much that I sang to him every single day and thus, developed my man-ly voice. Then from this, I wanted a guy with a nice voice. Not as in singer-nice voice, but a voice that can calm me down from all the chaos in life.

Then there was the period where anime and mangas filled my everydays. From there I began to develop all ideas of what I wanna do with my future boyfriend. Sometimes I'd just daydream away on how I would meet him, get together and live happily ever after. There would be smiles all around. I was really anticipating all these.

After all these thinking, it made me realize that, innocence always makes the picture so much more happier and easier. Now, it is so hard, or even impossible to view things this way.

I guess that's why I adore Onizuka that much. To be able to act on your own and not held back by consequences.

Right now, I still hold on to some of the stupidity of my younger days. I still believe in the flower thing. I still fall for guys with a nice voice. I still daydream about my next relationship. The only difference is, while I don't really wait for it to happen last time, now I am waiting for it to happen. Because as you grow older, things never get simpler.

Right now, everything around me is like an illusion still. An illusion of happiness and hope, which i am hoping for it to solidify soon. Whether it is beyond my power, I really dunno. But at least, at this moment I am sure that that is what I want. And at later moments, I will have nothing to regret.

When a single sms, a simple chat, stuttering conversations and endless thoughts are filling ur days, you know what is happening.