Friday, March 19, 2010


When I was young, making friends was easy-peasy. Everyone in my class and a few classes away were my friends. Everyone in tuition and around the neighbourhood were my friends.

But as I grew older, it seemed like my list of friends went through a funnel - with a few lost, many drifted apart from and a good few here to stay.

What makes it harder is the fact that making friends isn't as easy as it used to be. With the development of character, personal history and mind - both in others and me - the matchmaking process became more tedious and complicated.

And that is just talking about the end and start of the whole friendship thing - what more the most challenging part, which is the process?

Laughs, fights, parties, tears, security, dependence, disappointment, love, sadness, joy, betrayal, expectation - and every single element memorable in the course of your friendship.

It can be small - like calling someone at the odd 4 a.m. in the morning to yap at him after standing up for him - or BIG - like someone tricking you onto the banana boat and costing you almost you life.

It can be beautiful - like someone driving all the way (considerable far in Sandakan!) to give you the latest Glay album - or ugly - like cutting ties with someone once considered special to you.

And then come the big question - what is a friend?

The people who make you laugh, happy, content, comforted, secure - does this mean they are your friends?

The people who make you angry, sad, disappointed, betrayed, rejected - does this mean they are not your friends?

I would like to think it is more complicated than that.

If I were to regard everyone who made me angry as not a friend, then my first and foremost enemy would be my sister.

Our fights have gone so bad as to me throwing out her stuff from our room (previously shared). But our laughs have also gone so bad as to us pretending to fight in the room just so that our aunt would rush in to scold us.

If I were to regard everyone who made me laugh as a friend, then I would find friends with soles and not souls.

There is this someone who makes me laugh by being there and listening whenever I get crushed by one of the big mean boulders in life. There is also this someone who makes me laugh by springing mean jokes and gossips about others onto the table everytime we meet. They both make me laugh, but only one makes me feel genuinely happy.

In life, we make friends and we make enemies. While both are inevitable, we can only do so much as to try to maximize the former and avoid the latter.

After all, bonds are really so weak if no effort, understanding, care and honesty are put into it.

At the end of the day, I guess there is really no definition when it comes to 'a friend'.

Sometimes fate just points you to that person.
Other times you work hard to make it work.
Most times you just know it after a few late night calls and that person being there, most miraculously, everytime you need them.

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