How I love my weekends

What do most look forward to during the weekends?

For me:

* Food almighty *

Or maybe you can say eating out hehe. From pasta to yum cha to steak to bubble tea - weekends are the prefect excuse to reward ourselves with professionally prepared food.

Seafood risotto at Beachcomber.

Meat lover's pizza at Beachcomber.

Minestrone at Beachcomber - hah, so much for a healthier choice T.T

* Girl's day out *

Gourmet + gossip + girly giggles + gelati = and so much more! The perfect time to catch up and talk about everything under the sun without boys boys boys.

* Breakfast *

I love going out for a big breakfast or maybe muesli with vanilla yoghurt or even pancakes oozing with maply syrup mmm-mmm. What is so good about going out with a group of friends or just your partner for warm breakfast at a dainty cafe is - the endless time you spend chatting over a cup of hot chocolate as the world outside the cafe keep bustling.

*Mini road trips *

It is always something to look forward to even if it is just to a place 30 minutes away.

The time spent trapped in the car means you have no choice but to entertain each other - junk food? Singing together? Talking? Fighting over directions?

* Shiro time*

Pampering Shiro and making up for time we spent getting money and not giving love to Shiro during the weekdays.

* Dressing up *

when else do you get to wear straw hats and floral canvas shoes?

So how did you love your weekend?

Reality vs. imaginary futures from the past

I have always imagined my future ever since I was young.

Before I was 10, my imaginary future was like this:

I would be working in an office of 30 people in Sandakan where my colleagues would consist of mostly female in their twenties. We would go out for lunch together everyday and go shopping on Saturdays at Mile 4. Every night I would go home for dinner cooked by my Mum or even Grandma - there would be soup, 3 dishes and fruits. Tehn we would watch TVB together anad curse about the bad guy in the drama. I would get a boyfriend who works in another office and we would spend every Sunday together with my family eating kon lou min at Mile 4 again, before we go shopping or visit his family at Mile 4 again. Around age 26, we would discuss about getting married and we would. It would be a ceremony back in Sandakan and everyone would be invited. Then we would have two kids - a girl and a boy. And live happily ever after in Sandakan with annual holidays.

Then when I was in high school, my imaginary future was like this:

I would study in KL with my highschool sweet heart and meet people from all over Malaysia. We would endure the tough times of studying and graduating together. After graduating, we would get a job in KL or Singapore. Together we would save money for marriage and family. My family would migrate over to KL/Singapore depending on where I would be. My parents would stay with me after I get married. So every day after work I would go back to nicely prepared meals and freshly showered kids courtesy of my dear Mum. And live happily ever after in KL/Singapore with annual road trips around Malaysia.

Then when during my first year in Australia, my imaginary future was like:

I would get a boyfriend who is kind, dashing and gentleman. We would spend our days in Australia, walking under the sun, travelling around town - without a care of the world. I would go back to Malaysia after that to graduate and to work while he would remain in Australia to graduate and to work. We would be on LDR. I would work in a laboratory and go back to nicely prepared dinners by my Mum followed by strolls around pasar malam after dinner. Before sleep every night, I would call, Skype or MSN with my boyfriend. As soon as I reach 27, my boyfriend would either return to Malaysia or bring me over to Australia. We would get married and have two kids who can speak Chinese and English. My parents would migrate to Australia and stay with us and live happily ever after.

And so we arrived to right now.

Never in the world in my previous imaginary futures had I expected to be:

Living under the same roof with a bunch of similarly aged friends, all of us away from family and pursuing a career here. I thought such a world existed in Friends the sitcom, only.

Living away from home and the luxuries of having dinner prepared for me everynight, no bills or rents to worry about, groceries/laundry done for me.

Living with a dog who is as bratty and mischievious as can be.

Cooking meals as simple as oat with vegetables to as complicated as a failed three tier chocolate cake, every single night.

Chasing so hard after and focusing so much on my career ans aspirations that a family of my own is not on the cards right now.

Having so much ups and downs with my stable partner instead of getting engaged after being together for for years, getting married after being engaged for 1 year and having kids after being married for 1 year - you know, like a static plan.

Travelling all over Australia and to Japan and planning to travel everywhere else in the world instead of saving all my money for marriage and family.

Having to exercise to maintain my figure!! (I was so skinny back then)...

****************************************

Surely, this isn't exactly the future I anticipated for years ago but I can't help feeling contented at the excitement - for the uncertainties, opportunities and possibilities - that I face right now.

July again

July has been an extreme month - of so much celebration and so much passionate fights.

I guess most people know that Ray's birthday which is also our anniversary is in July.

I love celebrations - big and small - I believe in giving moe credit to the little things in life and reminding ourselves to appreciate each other. And of course, the wine and the dine and presents.

However, with celebrations and occasions also come expectations and anticipation. Where one party might be anticipating or expecting too much while the other party feeling the same - but in a different way. For example, your idea of a celebration might be sweet champagne during dinner overlooking the skyline while your partner's might be cooking a simple meal at home over hot Milo.

While both are intended to make the day special and happy, the discrepancy in expectation can create disappointment. The former in how plain and unglamorous it seems, while the latter in how materialistic and overtly grand it seems.

In the end, many people choose to disregard the day or just go according to one person's wishes - a big NONO to me. The day should never ever end on a sour note. If it does, then you just have to celebrate again and again - until it ends on a happy note.

Expectations are different sure. But I am pretty sure if you do it often enough and care about each other enough, the gap in expectations will only close and not grow.

We learn to live with each other. It might take a few fights, but heck, those are kacang.

July was a month of celebration and fights. I was as happy as I could be and also as angry or sad as I could be.

But right now, sitting here and reflecting on everything that happened - Ray's birthday breakfast, Ray's birthday dinner, our anniversary dinner, Ray's birthday dinner make-up. Ray's birthday supper, Ray's birthday surprise with friends - I am glad to say that I feel happy.

They say the negative things always overshadow the positive things.

That is true, hence the significance of this moment right now: feeling happy and thinking it was all worth it despite all.

Technology, family & guys

Okay let me be a pessimist just for one day.

Girls don't need guys to keep them warm - an electric blanket can do the job, what more you can even adjust the temperature to your liking.

Girls don't need guys for security - from extended alarm systems monitoring every inch of your house to pepper sprays to the Chanel bag, that is security boost, physically all the way to emotionally.

Girls don't need guys to have a good time - hit the malls, buy the world, eat those chocolates, gym off that butt, strut the city, wee off the hours in gossip, I am pretty sure you'll feel equally good.

Girls don't need guys for support/help - the pile of laundry, the broken door knob, the virus infected computer, the emotional issue, which of that can you not solve? You might have to call some technical person, but hey, you still solved it didn't you?

Girls don't need guys to ease their emptiness - there is the weekend road trip you can go to, the long abandoned overseas travel plan, the contacts you haven't kept in touch with in ages and also your loyal pet waiting for your attention.

Girls don't need guys to feel complete - in fact, look at yourself. What is missing?

Technology and material are most probably capable of filling in all the blanks what we traditionally think only the opposite sex can. To a certain extent, at least.

Now, before you dismiss me as being materialistic/shallow/bitter/PMS-y/unreasonable, maybe technology and material can't take the place of having a good guy in your life. (Hence, I added 'to a certain extent')

I have my family and friends for all the -warmth, security, good times, support/help - in the world. Most importantly, you can always count on these people to make you feel loved and important.

Okay, on a different note, I am probably an optimist for being able to see technology and material (ahem) as being able to replace having a guy in my life!

Or maybe, I have grown to be more a realist - to be able to see family as friends as the more important part of my life and also to realise that I don't need a guy, I want a man in my life.

Poof I'm back!

I am back from my Wonderland! Poof!

After a week of lurking around in my own mind - I have bounced back to yay-ness.

What I learnt from this experience is - there really is a difference when it comes to people you care about. Especially when it comes to friends; while love for your own family is natural like how the saying goes - you can choose you friends, but you cannot choose your family; there are those who become like family and those who just can't.

For someone like me who is living away from home and family, friends become an important part of my life. Quoting a friend, "...you naturally form your own family unit over here...".

We make friends all the time; easier when younger and with less baggage, harder when older as we develop more in terms of personality, perspective and experience.

Over time, in the hands of fate, destiny, magic of dynamics, series of fortunate/unfortunate events, interaction - some friends do indeed become not like family, but family.

I recently realised how easy it is to know who these people are - it all lies in whether you care or not when shit happens.

It is all in how much effort you want to put in to:
- keep in touch: talking, whining, doing something stupid together
- correct wrongs: whenever the odd miscommunication/misunderstanding
- move forward together: forgive and forget all the while hoping to foster a better relationship

It is also in what you feel when something happens:
- happy: if something good happens to him/her or to both of you
- sad: if something bad happens to him/her or to both of you

And ultimately, what it means when you find yourself not caring.

There is much more to focus on than the negatives in life, now isn't it?

***

So since I have bounced back, lemme share with you some long awaited due to my emo-ness happenings in my life!

On one nice autumn day, Amanda, Joanne and Melissa invited me for a picnic with Dr Robin at Princes Park near their Parkville apartment. The weather was awesome and the temperature was just right for an autumn dress-up!

I borrowed this mustard cardigan from dear WenJi who has a library collection worth of cardigans of all colours, lengths, sizes and material. I am falling in love with the autumn colours :-)

Floral flowy dress with a mustard cardigan and hairbands with a tan fringe handbag - my perfect autum outfit. Less the tummy bulge sigh.


And of course the best confidence booster?

Colour contact lenses!

So after a series of unfortunate events - late train, naughty Shiro, bus replacing trams in the city and extremely sporadic, a very terrible flu - I finally met up with them! Oh and together with some seniors from Monash Malaysia. How cool? A biotechnology reunion. How cool!

And yes we talked about genetically modified bacteria!

A series of picture (cause I am too distracted watching Glee and crying :'( )

Till then!

What I cried about in Glee?

Friends

Friends come in all shapes and sizes.

There are those who love to share a good gossip. The people you spend the night with chatting away on the phone, sharing more than slice of cake over coffee on a Saturday night or complain about gossiping about you yourself to yet another person of the same characteristic.

There are those who share the same interest as you. The people you show your new artworks to, call up for a new cake recipe, or see as an itsy-bitsy rival in a round of Monopoly Deal.

There are those who share the same passion as you. The people you share enthusiastic news with about a new job opportunity, spend hours debating with about a social issue, or can only agree to disagree with.

There are those who have similar personalities/characteristics as you. The people who complete your sentences, pinpoints your funny bone every time or gets on your nerve for being as stubborn as you are.

There are those who show undying loyalty towards you. The people who have been there throughout thick and thin, stuck up to you irregardless to the size of your opponent or agree with you so much that you find it annoying.

There are those who are just quiet. The people capable of listening intently to you daily rants, being on the fence and maintain neutrality despite you being in tears/extreme anger or disappear into the background when you are in need of advice or support.

There are those who make you laugh and nothing else. The people who make you guffaw like mad, brighten your darkest foulest mood or crack jokes at the most inappropriate times.

There are those who are ignorant but not necessarily in bliss. The people whose naivety make you (maybe just slightly) glad that there are still people as innocent as this in the world, whose indifference character make him/her a constant rock in your life or whose rudeness amaze and annoy you at equal lengths.

There are those who are vain. The people you turn to for the latest miracle diet, set up shopping dates with or make you feel slightly bad about your own appearance.

There are those who have strong personalities. The people you look up to for their firm belief and principles, turn to when in need of advices in departments they shine in or avoid when they start shooting down everything you do/say/think.

****

There are so many different types of friends in this world, as there are so many different personalities.

The way people interact with and react to each other is amazing. A mix of fate, coincidences, effort, intentions, consequences and expectations - to the dynamics we share with our friends today.

Why can I click with someone the opposite of me?
Why can't I stand someone who is 24/7 around me?

There is a place for everyone in life when it comes finding a group of friends to which they feel like they belong to.

I might be stubborn but there will be others out there as stubborn as me or much softer than me - but I can be friends with.

I might be loud but there will be others out there louder than me or way quiet than me - but I can feel comfortable with.

I might be temperamental but there will be others out there more as temperamental as me or times milder than me - but I can share my days with.

The two things holding this together - I believe are respect and effort.

I am never the perfect friend and will never be. But I promise I will respect all your choices in life and everything that comes along with those choices my friends have made - because I see that as a package in the term "friend". I also promise I will make an effort to nurture what we have now and to be a bigger part of your life.

There is no need to try too hard to be friends with someone who you just can't agree or agree to disagree with. I don't think you will be "friends" except only maybe on Facebook.

But the most important point here is, there is no such thing as not having friends in life. Maybe you haven't been looking hard enough. Or maybe you haven't put in enough effort.

And I thought I was perfect

The period of my life I hated most was in primary school.

Me: I don't like myself back in primary school. I think I was proud and arrogant.
Friend X: . . . . . . haha, I kinda think so too.

Back then I was always the top in class and assistant to teachers so I was flying high. So high that I thought I was way up above as compared to the others.

I began to demand and insist on what I want, and in the process lost sight of reason and the need to be considerate.

I would head straight into verbal fights just to defend my point of view - no matter if it is right or wrong. I would boss people around thinking I was doing the best for them - no matter if that was their wish or not. I would do anything I want and still insist I was right - no matter if I knew I was wrong or not.

Tantrums were regular.

However, the turning point came on that very day I let down my pride and said my first voluntary SORRY to my Mum. Straight away without hesitation, she pulled me close and said, "Let's go for an American breakfast". It happened in front of Hotel Lutana.

The period of time in my life I regretted the most was in junior high school.

I was a total hormonal wreck, scrambled with self-esteem issues and too busy finding my calling, in one word - EMO.

I would fall into an endless cliff of depression - over nothing at all - before bouncing back to the sunshine land of hope and no pimples. But with me refering this as my dark age, you can pretty much guess that I was down hiding in those cliffs of depression 90% of the time.

Every single thing would tick me off - the way my Sis crossed her legs, no homework from school, the crowded school bus. Everyone seemed to hate me - I was not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not popular enough.

Unbeknownst to me, no one or nothing was out to get me at all. I was the one in attributing every failure and obstacles in life to other factors external of me, trying hard to escape from fault or blame.

People don't talk to me - they hate me. But did I attempt to be friendly?
My Sis makes me angry - she hates me. But I made her angry before too, right?
My family scolds me - they don't love me. But did I show love to them?
Bad luck haunts me - the world hates me. But did I open up my eyes to see the good things I have?

Again, the change came when my Mum confronted me outside of Hotel Sandakan after a yumcha session long of black face + silent treatment action from me to all my relatives. She asked me what was wrong and I seriously had no idea what was wrong but was not ready to back down.

It made me realise how much time I have wasted - being unhappy for nothing and ungrateful for what I had.

One word I remember clearly out of my Mum's mouth that day was "stubborn".

The period of time I reminisce the most about is my high school years.

Stripped out pride and growing out of my emo-ness, I made friends - really good ones. I have never been so happy.

I had people to confide to about my biggest mistakes, silliest moments and problems.
I had people to spend quality time with despite not doing anything at all.
I had people I can rely on and at the same time protect.

I reconnected with family members. Just by talking more, expressing more, opening up more, initiating more and really, by being myself.

For the first time I found myself.

I was not actually that shy, that much of a hermit, nor am I that serious and studious. I was also not that into textbooks and sketching sceneries.

I am actually quite talkative and have a love for wholesome gossip. I am also an energy bunny capable of ingenius jokes and sinister tricks (not harmful!). I am loyal to friends. I love having company and really being adventurous with people with the same mind. I love video games and Japanese music.

I realised that one discovers who he/she is only through interaction with others and experiences/lessons earned in the process.

When I was emo, I was merely lost and frustrated without an outlet to vent out to.

And I remember my Mum saying, "I think you are really starting to enjoy life now, I am glad."

The period of time in my life I cherish the most is my first year in Australia.

I came over a bubbly and naive person, totally oblivious to what the outside world held - not to mention living alone.

Homesickness pangs came and went but I cherish this part of my life because:-
I started really appreciating my family.
I learnt to take care of myself.
I built a network of friends equivalent to a new family unit in Melbourne.
I experienced independence and loved it.
I found love again and again, loved it.

Lucky me. I learnt to let go of pride before this so I daresay, I became more confident without letting myself be arrogant.

I realised I learnt this much when my Grandma bought me two pieces of mango cake from the pasar. She booked them before hand and made sure she did not de-shape the cakes. She then handed them to me and said they were the best and cheapest mango cakes ever. I have seen prettier and eaten tastier mango cakes before (easily anywhere) but none of them have tasted so beautiful before.

I really really miss my Grandmas now. :)

The period of my life I value most is my jobseeking phase.

I fell from grace to hell, from being ambitious to self doubts, from hopes and dreams to despair.

I had the worst interview ever before being given a golden opportunity.

I heard the most sarccastic and inconsiderate remarks but also received the best encouragements and support I am not even sure I deserve.

What I gained out of this experience is invaluable - humility, appreciation and some much-needed growing up.

***

Till this day, I am still as stubborn as ever. But I truly believe that I am much softer - at least by 30%? - than before.

I have done some bad decisions in life but also a fair share of good deeds.

I am still on my way to becoming a better person:-

- by rebuilding my confidence damaged during jobseeking.

- by improving my patience and soothing the stubborn monster inside.

- by listening more to others and being more accepting

- by believing in myself and also putting more trust in others

and ultimately,

- by promising to keep learning to become a better person.

One fine saturday

Perfect with sunlight and warm breeze.

Perfect for dressing up in florals and going out without a destination in mind.
As usual I take every opportunity to put on my colour lenses and be all happy.

After all colour lenses mask the effect of additional weight (I truly believe so).

We drove all the way to Collingwood for a Japanese breakfast place discovered by WenJi. It was quit a long drive and all for a nice Japanese breakfast. I was really intrigued as you see a lot of Japanese restaurants but none specialising in breakfast! Immediately I was having flashbacks on the yummylicious breakfast we had in Hakone last year!

The cafe is called CIBI. Nested in between of what must be warehouses (?), CIBI is easily miss-able. In fact there is no big signboards, just a humble little standing board. But, people bustle in and out of this place.

It took us some time to get a table as they do not accept bookings there. Once in there, I realised that it is actually a Japanese+Western fusion cafe. You see a few Australians serving the tables while a few Japanese ladies tend to the kitchen.

They offer a range of teas and naturally I chose one of their green teas.

Quirky ornaments adorn the whole shop. In fact there is an art gallery consisting or glassware/porcelain/ traditional Japanese toys atttached to the cafe.

An excited pro-Japanese cuisine Alice Springs inhabitant.

Puffer fish.

See in real life I do laugh like this. Wah the first very 'ladylike' picture of me!! Even for that very milisecond I was a lady!

It was almost like a girl's day out - just almost.

A day before Alice Springs was on his itinerary.

This is the Traditional Japanese Breakfast.

Isn't it lovely? Although not in little bowls and containers or a tray, they small portions and variety definitely reminded me of Hakone.

The salmon was amazing, really really amazing. In fact, one of the best I have ever had. The omelette was great too and I love my Japanese omelettes.

Ray ordered a Tofu Burger in Teriyaki sauce and it was the bomb! The bun was crispy but chewy in a good way and before you think of the tofu being bland as compared to a huge-ass chunk of beef or fried chicken, let me tell you that it was not but in fact bursting with flavour. Definitely a must-try!

CIBI is a good place to just hang out and talk with friends. The casual and easygoing vibe they offer really makes a difference. I am contemplating to bring my Lowena to CIBI instead of Mart130 for breakfast hmmmm.

So much so that we made a trip to Alexandra Gardens for a second round of catch up.

This is what happens when you think the sun equates warmth in Melbourne. You under-dress and suffer and risk appearing un-macho.

Parks and gardens are always lovely on a sunny day. What makes it lovelier must be french fries, chocolate cakes and scones.

A half eaten florentine biscuit was momentarily forgotten as conversations continued on. . .

There is something devilish about how sharing food makes you eat more.

According to Jess, something seems very wrong in this picture. Pay attention to the extensive number of hearts. And for the ease of everyone's mind and justice to Ray, the phone is mine.

In my defense, I am usually a very nice girlfriend and Ray was smiling.

Friends I have, taking pictures of me like that.

Guess for the rest of my life I will just have to take pictures of myself :(

Ducks and eels swimming under the sun.

Autumn is definitely approaching :)

A whole table of Iphone freaks.

It was a normal and mundane day. But what I would give to live it all over again :)