Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Why do I feel such incapability whenever I think about driving?

The sudden surge of rage and disatisfaction and rejection and rebellion.
All unexplainable despite them being vividly there.

Stress and conflict arises whenever one's attitude is inconsistent with behaviour, I just read from Management. One will then try change underlying behavior or attitude in order to ease the tension.

I never tried to justify both my attitude and behavior for this matter.
Merely avoiding this unresolved conflict, letting it recur at every possible trigger no matter how small. Management said that, avoidance does not address the underlying problem. I am aware.

My attitude contrasts my behavior.
I wanna be able to drive or at least know that I am capable of doing so, screams my attitude.
I don't wanna drive or go through anymore of those hell-ish crap for whoever, screams back my behaviour.

Along with this yet unresolved shouting match between my attitude and my behavior, is a conflict and stress bubble building up. Filled with said rage, disatisfaction, rebellion. Fuelled by fear, insecurity, rejection. But when it bursts, I am sure all that is left will be inconfidence, and a total system shutdown.

I wonder how something so simple, could lead up to this.
How do I help myself?

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