Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A long train ride

"Love is in the air" , the song makes it feel like this phrase is for when you are utterly in love.

I think you feel "love is in the air" most when you are loveless.

I was in the middle of a phone call with long silences implying a tiring battle of words and emotions when I saw an old couple gossipping about a gothic girl by the road all the while chucklig. Then there was this power couple, the lady going on and on about her work while her man just smiled and rolled his eyes. A tourist couple from China nearby were joking around with a Melbourne map.

Then there was this teenaged couple in tight embrace, laughing away at probably something pointless but their eye contact never wavered.

This reminded me of teenaged romance - the days when we have no care of the world and just loved the way we want to.

To jump into his arms.
To stay outside in the cold just to be with each other.
To call just to say 'I Love You'.
To sneak out for a late night stroll.
To talk about dreams and hopes for the future.
To go for long walks without an aim into the evening.
To take pictures of each other or together with every little thing.
To grin from ear to ear, genuinely, cheesily.

Whatever happened to the glory of love?
Or the passion in life?

While still on the call, I looked at the big clock of Flinders Station, its arms slowly ticking away reminding me that time is passing me by so do not let the world pass you by.

There is so much that I want to chase back right now. The time passed, the memories faded, the what-if's regretted.

Maybe it is not be too bad to cut off a part of my life now.

Whenever I cut something out of my life, be it an important object, an incident, a friend, a family or a lover, it is not really sadness or excruciating pain that I feel.

I feel light. Not the relieved-light, but emptiness-light.
It is not that I don't feel pain, but not the piercing-pain but the numbness-pain.

At least for a while, it feels like I am an observer of the world instead of an occupant.

Like, my heart doesn't skip a beat for the girl sprinting across the highway, instead my eyes just follow her. The green grass of spring catches me eye eventhough I have passed by them countless times before that. The journey seems faster even without an mp3 player.

It feels like a long long journey on a train alone. The sceneries passing you by is like 'the world and time passing you by'. You are just there on the train, inside your own little world.

This feels like a very long train ride for me.

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