Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Love lessons at Borders

"There are usually five forms of expression of love:

1) Act of service (doing things for you)
2) Physical intimacy
3) Quality time
4) Gift giving
5) Talking

Different people appreciate different forms of expression"

- quoted from Raymond Tan who read it in Borders

I VALUE quality time most.
I PRACTICE talking most.
I COMPLAIN about gift giving most.
I TAKE FOR GRANTED acts of service most.
I JOKE with physical intimacy most.

Mr Tan VALUE talking (in his words: words of comfort) most.
Mr Tan PRACTICE acts of service most.
Mr Tan COMPLAIN about quality time most.
Mr Tan TAKE FOR GRANTED gift giving most.
Mr Tan JOKE with physical intimacy most.

Then comes the complicated part. My definition of each of these forms is different.

His 'talking': Words of comfort and practical information.
My 'talking': Whining, gossips, random noises with no contents.
Verdict: So while I practice 'talking' most and he values 'talking' most the contents do not match and 50% gets filtered.

His 'acts of service': Repairing computer, fixing doors, other tech-y/geek-y stuffs.
My 'acts of service': Cooking, baking, ironing.
Verdict: While he practices 'acts of service' the most, I take it for granted.

His 'quality time': Lounging around doing nothing or surfing the net in silence, as long as we are together.
My 'quality time': Doing something new, going somewhere new - together.
Verdict: I value 'quality time' the most and he complains about it the most due to this difference in definition.

His 'gift giving': For special, VERY special occasions and very random, sometimes sigh-able.
My 'gift giving': Small surprises, for every single celebration-worthy moments, quality and something he definitely likes.
Verdict: After 3+ years he began taking for granted my 'gift giving' and me more disatisfied with not getting a response, both in terms of appreciation or returning gifts.

His 'physical intimacy': All talk and CANNOT tell dirty jokes.
My 'physical intimacy': All talk and with dirty jokes recycled from high school.
Verdict: Perhaps the most peaceful component!

Conclusion: Not only do we differ in terms of primary form of expression, but also in terms of our definition of each form of expression. And you wonder why things don't work out between couples?

BUT. . . !!

"The DEAD SEA personality depicts someone who just receives but is not in their nature to give. For example, he/she might really enjoy listening to you talk but he/she just does not have any input or he/she might look sad and when you ask him/her what is wrong, he/she would say 'nothing' and really mean it.

In contrast, the BLABBER personality is someone who expresses everything he/she sees, hears, experiences or feels. *Fuzzy memory so bla bla bla*

I think I am a DEAD SEA and you are a BLABBER. And this book says we are a GOOD MATCH"

- quoted from Raymond Tan who read it in Borders

Yeah. Right.

What about the times I got mad due to his non-existent feelings, expressionless face, response in the form of a grunt?

What about the times he complained about my unreasonable whinings, random complaints about the shape of the clouds, sudden tantrums not during PMS?

I personally think - no matter how DEAD SEA he is and how BLABBER I am, we have to work together, him to be much more of a BLABBER and me to be much more of a DEAD SEA. And true - he does talk a lot more right now and not about 'how an aeroplane works' only anymore, he opens up about his 'feelings' after only 5 nudges/threats and he is a bit 38 woohoo. As for me - I have my quality ME times, keep quiet when I should and am not so impatient anymore.

Conclusion: Differences can complement, but also repel - depends on how you work at it.

"There is a way to tell whether a couple in a restaurant are dating or married.

Couples who are dating will be in deep conversation and looking at each other.

Couples who are married will not be talking and their eyes might be wandering around looking at random objects"

- quoted from Raymond Tan who read it in Borders

" . . . I think we are so used to each other we are like married couple already haha." - Raymond.


Young people everywhere, okay not only young people, but all people who are still dating - don't SETTLE DOWN like that, I mean you have all the time in the world to feel like that after you get married, so why now?

There is a reason why we are still dating, no?

At least in my dictionary, DATING does not equal to sitting on the same table as your partner and staring at the picture of char kuoy teow on the restaurant wall while thinking about your auntie in her pyjamas.

Where is the excitement/sparks/passion - even if they are in the form of fights but so what? - that is dating!

Haiyer, so frustrating.

There you go, an afternoon of love lessons at Borders.

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