The time of your life

Have you ever woken up one fine day to realise that there are things which you really ought to do before it is too late?

How many times have we said 'no' just because of:

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- time issues, when we spend countless Sundays just lounging around in our pyjama till evening.

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- money issues, when we spend conciously/subconciously/unconciously on another handbag of the same colour or in the same restaurant for the same dish.

- effort/commitment issues, when we spend endless energy in unneeded dramas or conflicts in our everyday life.

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In a nutshell, when you think about it:

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We don't really have so much to do that we 'have no time to learn the piano'.

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We don't really need that much money to 'plan that holiday to Bali'.

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We don't really face so much stress that we 'don't have the mood to meet friends'.

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After all, you are reading my blog now haha.

What are the things which you have delayed or procrastinated over in life just because you think you have all the time in the world ahead of you to do so? For me:

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The trip to Japan to watch Glay in concert.

To learn the piano.

To learn to bake.

A short vacation with friends.

To return Sandakan for a reunion with high school friends.

Getting my bikini body (sigh) ready for the beach in summer.

Trying out trout-fishing.

Starting my own business.

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Now think about it. Do we really have all the time in the world ahead of us?

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Maybe we are young, we never really think that tomorrow might be the end of us. After all, lives are not meant to be lost at our age and time seems to go on forever when we are caught up in the rat-race, that is the society.

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So much so that we forget about the 'what-if's in life. What if:

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At age 65, we remembered our 22 year-old self's resolution to learn surfing?

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At age 55, we remembered the family we imagined ourselves to start with a special someone from the past during the summer at age 23?

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At age 45, we remembered the resolution to backpack around Europe we made college friends at age 21?

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At age 35, we realised our dream to be a bridesmaid/best man to our best friend has yet to happen?

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At age 22, will you still be letting any of your excuses stop you from doing all that you have in your mind?

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There is so much that I want to do. Right here right now.

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In reality, I might not be able to do all of them now. But - surely there is also a lot that I am able to do.

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Recent events have made me realise that - hey, life is too short to be procrastinated over and hola, it is never too late to starting doing things. One of the events is the movie UP, which was really heart warming and inspirational to a certain extent.

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I want to be doing more in life.

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For 22 years of my life, I have been wanting but not getting a puppy. Why?

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'My Mum doesn't life dogs.' 'My sister is afraid of dogs.' 'Our house is too small for a dog.' 'Our rented property does not allow dogs.' 'Having a dog can be time consuming and expensive.' 'I don't know how to take care of dogs.'

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And then I got Shiro.

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I still remember the very night I got Shiro, I thought to myself while staring at the ceiling before sleep - 'Will I be able to take care of him?' 'What if he grows up to be a bad dog?' 'I can't handle him on my own!'

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And now, I have never been happier. To see him grow, learn, love and ultimately, be a part of my life.

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Sure it is an added monetary expense and he takes up some of my time. But nothing compares to the experience I am having now with this white fluffy bundle of joy - including the happy times, sad times, angry times and funny times.

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I have been indulging in baking and cake decorating. I love being creative and sweet food. I baked cute cupcakes for the first time last Friday. The night before, I baked the cupcakes and stored them in an airtight container.

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The following night, while housemates and boyfriend were out rock climbing, I was flexing some arm muscles as well by kneading, rolling, colouring and decorating icing for my cupcakes. And Ta-da, my Ngeu Ngeu and Shiro cupcakes were born!

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This is Ngeu Ngeu with her grey spots and droopy ears.

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This is Shiro and yes I know, it looks a bit like a cat.

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Shiro and Ngeu Ngeu on the table.

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Even Shiro was interested in the Shiro cupcake.

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It made me very happy. I thought it was 4 hours, 400% of arm muscles well utilized.

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Ooooh, and what else have I been doing?

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Over the weekend I have been planning a trip to Tokyo :-D

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Erm, it is not like I am going any time soon but this elaborate itinerary which includes transports to take and hotel selections will serve as an immediate prompt for action as soon as tickets to Japan are on sale or Glay announces another tour!

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For now, this is still a tip-top-secret but once I am able to go and test out my plan, I'll let you in on the plan so that everyone can go as well! I have been having dreams of being in Tokyo with friends at night already. Sakura. . . . .

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So what do you really really want to do today?

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I'm going to the gym now, building my bikini body haha.

Hey are you happy now?

Hey You,

how has today been treating you so far? Was the weather kind to you? Did you run into a good friend?

As for me, today I am just sitting in front of a computer again doing what I love most, reading and thinking. The weather here has been a bit too cold and wet for my liking but I have now a lively heater in the form of Shiro, so I am feeling warm inside out.

As we grew up and apart from each other, I wonder what road you are taking now and more importantly, is it leading you towards where you want to go and most importantly, are you happy now?

As for readers whom I have never met, I wonder the same about you.

What is on your mind?

What makes you happy lately? Shiro makes me happy - to see him learn so much and grow into a handsome dog makes me feel glad. Mr Tan makes me smile - through the rain, through the fire. Family and friends - just the thought of them lights up my day. The fact that I am still not giving up makes me very proud of myself.

What has been troubling you? Career is the first and foremost issue to me. The uncertainties spell insecurity. The hunger for achievement leads to frustration. Damaged relationships become the second. Relationships, being as abstract as they are and as complicated as a human mind can be, are so hard to be healed. Thirdly, the bikini body age-old issue.

Where are you going to? I am not sure. In the picture, I am walking along this long, narrow and straight road with vast green fields on each side under a very blue sky. I take small steps sometimes. But occasionally, I feel the need to sprint for a while. The end of the road never seems to appear and because of that I keep walking. For I want to see my destination.

Do you need strength now? I am strong enough to pick myself up whenever I feel defeated. From time to time, this strength gets exhausted and I panick over the thought of exposing my weakness to the ugly bad world. But, if there are people who reach out and help whenever this happens, hey, that must mean that the world is not so bad and ugly after all, isn't it?

Are you happy? Yes, I am.

To everyone reading this, it doesn't matter whether I know you or not, I know the world can be a big, scary place and reality can be harsh, cruel. I know despite the billions of people in this world, one can feel out of place and lonely. I know despite the money and materials out there, true happiness can only come from the within of someone.

So, please just let me tell you this: I wish you to be happy.

Aging through my Life Plan

Has your age been bugging you lately?

I was reading an article forecasting that by year 2015, the market for biomarkers would prosper. This led me to think that, "2015 is so near!" in an excited way. Which in turn, led me to realize that, "Shit, 2015 sees me turning 29!" in a horrified-excited way.

Then I was looking at pictures of my youngest cousin whom I have met once right after her birth early 2008. By the time she finishes high school at age 17, I will be 39. Holy moly.

And of course this reminded me of the request my little cousin, Keely, has for me in the middle of a buffet dinner during the last Chinese New Year, "Jie, when are you going to give birth to a baby girl for me to play with?". What?

Finally, what came out of my own mouth the other day," . . . I am already 23 now . . . what? I am just 22, ain't I?!". I am not keeping tab of my own age anymore! Crap!

Everything seems like concrete evidence pointing towads the fact that age is catching up on me.

Never have the words "I AM AGING" been that bright-neon-ly shown in my inner self. *chill, zen zen. . . "

Being a biology student, I perfectly know about the aging process even to the cellular level. But now that I am the observational subject: it is fuiyoh-not-so-funny anymore.

Wrinkles. Age related illnesses. White hair. Slow metabolism. Saggy boobs. Aunty-fashion. Grandma hairstyle. Bad eyesight. No fried or oily food. Medical check-ups.

Actually what is worth more to think about is not what is inevitable in the future, but in fact - what I am right now.

I used to have this timeline for my own life, which I clearly remember telling Iris during a sleepoever at my place when we were both happy high-schoolers.

• Age 17: Complete high school. (Check!)
• Age 21: Complete tertiary studies. (Check!)
• Age 22: Get a job. (Boo!)
• Age 23: Get a boyfriend [deadline]. (Double check!)
• Age 26: Ready to get married [after at least 5 years in a relationship].
• Age30: Have kids [deadline].

Phew. Simple as that.

Back then, of course. Life can never be as simplified as that. Let's review the points:

The Point at Age 17 and Age 21 are realistic, well actually foolproof. After all, everyone graduates high school by 17 (provided you weren't dropped out) and tertiary studies are on average 4 years long (provided you did not fail one too many subjects).

The Point at Age 22, to get a job, is more complicated. My definition of a 'job' back then was a visual image of me at an office desk with another group of female colleagues, getting a paycheck every month for the rest of my life. Now, I would like to amend this point.

Age 22: To start my career. Having gone through university, found something I am passionate about and faced the harsh economy of today, a 'career' is definitely what I want. Instead of a mere visual image, I know what I want to do and I know it is hard to break through the walls. Nevertheless, it is worth chasing a dream if I only live once. And I am working hard at it now, hopefully I get to tick this before I turn 23 sigh.

The Point at Age 23. The so-called deadline to get a boyfriend. Well, this was very necessary last time as I was a hybrid of nerd+geek+antisocial+hermit. (Not that this is not very necessary right now, but I landed a lottery so it is a Double Check!)

The Point at Age 26 serves as a tentative date. Again, back then, back then! After I was told that my Mum got married at age 26, I thought that would be the perfect standard for me as well. Why? Cause my Mum managed to pop out two beautiful daughters by age 30 which leads to . . .

The Point at Age 30! See the beauty of my old plan?

*Ahem* Again, back then. The Point at Age 26 is now a Point at Age 27 (I think, more like I feel, haha). I must say I am influenced by Amy's Perfect 27 Theory. According to this theory, she envisions herself achieving her set of goals and living independently by age 27. Hence the Perfect 27. Say, if your dream is to have 7 kids then your Perfect 27 would see you having 7 kids! Simple as that.

Phew. Life.

But like I said, things never really go according to plan, do they?

Or am I the only one here with a freaky plan like that?

To be whatever we want to be, Today

The moment I received Shiro, I had a fleeting thought in my mind, "I sure hope others don't think I am being demanding/spoilt."

After all, Shiro is not simply a purchase - rolling over from the price is commitment, time and effort. So Shiro is indeed a big deal in terms of change of lifestyle, time management and learning process.

This little negative idea slipped my mind for the next few days seeing how cute Shiro is, how fast he is learning and how troublesome the little furball is. And also seeing how a few friends went ooey-gooey over him with shrieks of "yerrrr".

I live by the motto, "Never let what others say affect you". Or I try hard to.

I am quite known for my positivity and stress-free character. While negativity is less of an issue with me (maybe I am not blessed with a complicated mind), stress is something I battle every night before sleep. So there is hard work involved in becoming the character that I am today.

My humour or aloofness can sometimes drive people to think that I am that unreasonable and inconsiderate. Classic Loretta-remarks like:

"Are we going to Tiffany&Co after Lindt for the diamond ring which will prove your commitment to me forever and ever?"

"If only someone would buy me a PSP, the limited edition one, with the nice pouch and loadsa games - then my life would shine!"

"I don't wanna eat you cooking - I want instant noodles with clear soup and silky noodles. Clear soup ah clear soup!"

And then there is the blog post about The Puppy Fund a few days ago.

. . . . . I don't know about you all but, I have tried my very best to make them obvious as jokes. Sigh. After all, I don't see any donations coming into the Fund at all, mind you!

Or thinking twice, should I insert [joke] after every joke I make? [joke?]

Anyway, I said I won't be affected by what others say. Well, I am just human and things like:

"Omg, her dress makes her look fugly on top and ass-y in the bottom."

"That is so unreasonable and inconsiderate of her to make her boyfriend get her a puppy that cute and cuddly!"

"Please, what kind of cooking is that like, so watery, so blah."

Simple things which can be a whisper I overheard, a comment on Facebook, a rumour getting to me, a Tweet on Twitter, a wrong MSN message, a voice behind a phone call.

I rub it off with, "Nah, I won't be affected by that" and put on a face, convince myself and seek confirmation which compliment that statement.

Instead of a complicated mind, I am blessed with friends who genuinely care and are happy that I have now what I have always wanted as a child and also an awesome boyfriend. Phew.

Come to think of it, why do we care about what others think so much?

Cause it shapes your perceived image?
Cause it makes you hurt and insecure?
Cause it encourages your doubts to grow?

Well, life sucks and sometimes people make it suck more without realizing it.

Yes, I mean US who have all been judgmental.
Yes, I also mean US who think too much about what others say.

Let us just celebrate the simplicity of good gestures, pure intentions and the happiness of everyone.

For one day, let us all just dress, eat, drink, enjoy and be purely happy in whatever we want to.

Chop?

Choppity-chop-chop.

Long Hair vs. Short Hair.

Flowy Wavy vs. Punky Shaggy.

Security vs. Adventure.

Victoria Secret hair dream vs. Impulsive cut-it-all-off.

Improving bikini-image vs. Improving boyish image.

Decisions decisions.

Impulse killing rational-thinking.

You have to love DigiCams.

I think Digital Cameras may be one of the best inventions ever this century.



All the shots below would be in the "Waste 'fui-lim' (film)" category should digital cameras not exist. [Exact words are quoted from my Sibuga Grandma in hakka: Sai 'fui-lim'!]





Camwhoring would be impossible without wasting 80% of the fui-lim.

Photos with no faces would be a waste of fui-lim! And don't even start on photos of food!

Pictures of socks, is more waste fui-lim than photos of food.

Upside down photos of 'toothless' moments are not fui-lim worthy.

Two big, squashed faces - fui-lim expensive okay?

Photos with your idol - in the cardboard form - will not be allowed.

Random moments of explosive laughter would normally be passed just in case it turns out bad or blurry or pointless - most importantly, waste of fui-lim.

Picture of your Grandma transforming into a super dumpling with half of your aunt will be given the same 'fui-lim' sentence.

Photos without a visible face even if it was a work of nature will make you a 'fui-lim' criminal as well.

No one would want to take pictures like this, what more print out and save up 4 versions of it.

Precious moments will be harder to capture with the "Did I get it?","Stop her from moving!" and "Don't waste fui-lim!" struggles!

Monkeying around with cameras will be frowned upon ("Waste money waste fui-lim!") rather than snickered upon ("So funny, here also wanna take picture").

A picture of stopping other from taking your picture will not be funny ("Look at your face, it is so cute!") but be expensive ("You wasted one picture, pay the fui-lim cost please").

There will be less pictures showing your real-connection with friends as the days of fui-lims have always seen them used for group pictures where everyone wore their Colgate smile and stood straight.

Pictures like this will be inserted into the family photo album with reluctance ("What were you doing? Fui-lim no need money?") instead of being saved into the computer and published on a blog with joy("Damn Godzilla you").

Pictures which continues to mean nothing would not be stored in my computer for more than 3 years!

Magic moments like this will be so hard to capture or you will not know about it until you get the pictures printed or you will not be able to laugh about it until you get it printed and shared with everyone!

Sleeping pictures, with thumbs in it somemore, will be the highest 'fui-lim' crime!

Close up pictures, especially with 'weird' expressions, will draw instant frowns and then, cold hard stares from others.

Pictures where there is an imbalance of readiness will generate mixed feelings of gladness ("I look prettier than her, yes!!") and annoyance ("Waste my fui-lim only, can't she just stop eating for like 2 seconds?"). When digital, you can either request it to be deleted or chances are, you are so used to this pictures you laugh as soon as you see it.

Pictures of irrelevant objects like cardboards in a foreign country will be a big, big mistake. After all fui-lims are limited and should be used wisely. Reasons like 'the girl in the cardboard in Bangkok looking 100% like your sister' will not help.

Funny pictures of people stoning or unready will not be so funny if they were the ones who bought the fui-lim.

Artistic pictures will be extremely limited no matter how much you want to emulate Jay Chou.

The ones being pictured hold a responsibility too! You don't want to spoil a picture and waste some fui-lim by doing something stupid ON YOUR OWN. Unless it is a group thing!

Random hair moments will have to be memorized instead of immortalized in pictures. One, the person might react fast enough to stop you (not really applicable here, as you see, the person in this picture was basking in the limelight). Two, it is a waste of fui-lim.

And picture like this will be - a death sentence. Funny, but deadly.

Let us all scream this now:

Thanks for all the stupid memories - Digicams! Muaks.

Nakama

I have always grown up with a huge group of people. People who laugh, cry, fight, celebrate and grieve with me - people who make me feel genuinely cared for.

Since young, I have been spending time with both my paternal and maternal grandparents, thus all my aunts, uncles and cousins. After school in the afternoon would see me tricking my maternal grandma with the most outrageous lies before skipping over to my neighbour's house to all sorts of games in groups of 7 or more. I climbed trees, scrapped knees, damaged bicycles, watched rabbits give birth and made my sister cry.

In the evening, my Mum would fetch us back to our paternal grandparents' house, where we used to live. My grandma would usually still be deep-frying something in the wok while my grandpa would be scolding the dogs. My sister and I would then play with our cousins before dinner with all of the family. Chasing the dogs, being chased by the dogs, catching grasshoppers, riding the bicycle.

Sundays would see us hanging out about town with my YiMa and Mum's friends, before a trip to the local fast food Sugarbun.

High school was more fun.

Upon entering the class, there would be sleeping classmates to scare, gossipy classmates to join and close classmates to just pass time with. After school was even more fun. Tuition classes were always filled with pranks, gossips, junk food, 'did you know!!' discussions and heart to heart talks. After tuitions are more fun. Telephone porridge, teasing my sister, teasing my mum together and the supper trips with YiMa and Uncle Philip whenever Dad was home.

But rather than fun, you know what make those days so precious?

It is knowing you have people who are willing to stand up for you, who you can rely on, who you can sincerely build a relationship with.

There were no doubts back then. Whenever I get treated badly, they would have defended or comforted me even before I knew of the attack. Whenever they get treated badly, I would stand by them and stick up for them.

I remember calling Choo up 4 a.m. in the morning to vent my frustration out to the poor guy after an-hour long conversation with a guy who said things I could never believe in about him. There was no need for a manual, no need for a textbook to tell me what to do. It

Then there was the buffet incident where 4 of us made a pact to conceal our secret trip of gluttony through a series of coded conversation.

I recall the times we spent looking out for each other whenever trouble hits one of us. Teachers weren't really our match, eh?

I remember the times I felt intense anger when people talked bad about my sister or treated her badly.

Come to think of it, hard as it may be to admit, one of my most loyal comrade will have to be my sister.

We have fought, cried, laughed harder than we have with anyone else.

We understand each other in a way where a simple lift of an eyebrow can convey more than anyone can comprehend.

We support each other in a way unique to each other.

All those times we fought for nothing. Once ending in me pinching her cheeks so hard it bled and another time with both of us falling asleep on the same bed in anger.

All those times we laughed for no reasons. Once because we made our mum scold us while her artificial teeth were not worn and another time because of a joke made by Ah Ya on TVBS which was apparently so unfunny.

All those times we cried for all reasons. Once because we had a screaming match about Tunas Puteri vs. Bulan Sabit Merah and another time because of the departure of our beloved Uncle Philip.


I long for those days when people are genuine and willing to stand up for friends in the name of 'nakama'.

However, the days of 'nakama' will be forever. These people I hold close to my heart and call me naive, call me an otaku - I believe in the spirit of 'nakama' and I shall live holding on to that.

When you are disappointed, here here.

Disappointment was the main theme of my last week. Along with lethargy, disinterested-ness, social-outcasting-ing and excuses to sleep.

There was so much to be disappointed about last week.
Actually, no.
There is always so much to be disappointed about.

The lack of job security after months of floating in uncertainty.

The absence of financial stability leading to part-time/casual jobs here there everywhere.

The friends who, by heart or by mistake, hurt you in ways big or small.

The figure that seems to be losing the winter expansion battle.

The old friends who do not seem to remember to talk anymore.

The boyfriend who seems more interested in YouTube on your gloomiest day.

The future which seems like it is going nowhere.

The dinner that tasted less salty as it should have been.

The blog which seems as much of a deadspace as I-don't-even-know-what.

It is true that there is so much to be disappointed about all the time.
But at the same time, there is so much you can do to not dwell in disappointment.

People always say how nice/true relationships are when we were young, when we would show all our emotions without holding back. Loving, crying, fighting to loving, crying, fighting - in a cycle - to the fullest. Now, we approach each of them - loving, crying, fighting - with caution. Thinking before we act.

It is not a matter of being insincere or being less innocent. We are just more educated/experienced. We know how such actions could potentially hurt others and damage relationships.

Fans were disappointed when Michael Jackson was linked to the much publicised controversies in the later part of his life. I bet Michael Jackson was disappointed as well at how his fans and the media responsed towards him.

The difference between now and then is - Michael Jackson is no longer with us.

All that disappointment claimed by his fans is now regret and guilt.

The truth is, we can all be disappointed at everything in this world at any point of our life. We can blame everyone else for every single bit of this disappointment.

But call me fake, call me insincere - I would prefer to act indifferent towards disappointment. Or if I am strong enough, even avoid being disappointed. I would prefer talking things through despite how hard it is to hold back my tears, numbing my senses or hardening my heart towards emotions, taking a step back to prevent an uglier ending and upholding my pride and dignity to live as me, myself and I.

All just because, I would wanna maintain these friendships, build this relationship and most importantly, to continue believing in people.

A momentary act of rudeness, arrogance, selfishness or just blind fury/jealousy can easily cost you little things in life that are always so significant with regards to regret and guilt. As imperfect as I am, this is the one thing I would like to practice and excel at.

There is so much disappointment only when you allow yourself to be disappointed.

Breath a sigh. Close your eyes. Smile for yourself.

There is so much to be happy about in life.

The speck on sunshine on a gloomy day.

The messy hair sported by the punky girl at the train station.

The hot guy who 'accidentally' held the small of your back while breathing a 'hi' near your ear in a not-that-packed train.

The Betty-Crocker Cake Mix on sale at Coles.

The rumor that Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper are an item.

The new trick to eat Tim Tam called Tim Tam Slam.

The fact that your period is here and bringing away all signs of bloatiness.

The invitation to shopping-at-DFO by girlfriends.

The phonecall from your Mum asking you not to eat pork in fear of H1N1.

If there are a million things to complain about in a day, there must be at least one thing to smile about as well. And after remembering the one thing, I am sure another a million and one thing would flow in.

RIP

What is disappointment when it doesn't even hurt or sadden you anymore?

Is it even just disappointment when it feels numb?

Tough and tough

Going through tough and tough.



The 19th of June must have been the worst and also the best day ever.



Knowing that you feel more for the pain of someone you love than for your own pain - I can't think of a better way to describe love/care. Despite the pain we are going through right now, I can't help but feel blessed knowing that I am indeed loving someone in the most sincere and simple way.



Days ahead will be hard just because they are uncertain, unstable and empty. If you are not that overly-positive to see uncertainties as possibilities (it takes practice :->), at least I will be a constant among all these uncertainties.



This constant is not that sturdy as to be able to shield you from the rainstorm, but will surely be there - albeit weak, broken or helpless.

This constant is not that amazing as to be able to rid you of all sadness, but will surely try to bring a smile to your face - albeit lame jokes, clumsy acts and failed attempts.

This constant is not that strong as to be able to hold you together at point break, but will surely try hard to anchor you to sanity - through human touch, maybe a hug or crying with you.

Things are tough and tough.
You are showing a stronger face.
I am showing a stronger face.
Our hands are shaking.

But we will go through this together.
And that is all that we need to know.

My constant

Life can be so unpredictable.

One moment it is clear and sunny.

The next it is cold and gloomy.

And just like the weather, not everything lies in our hands. As much as I believe that we decide our own future, there is no denying destiny and fate play an important role as deciding factors. In a sense, we take control of our own future by fighting the negative and embracing the positive of destiny and fate.

In a nutshell, we must strive to live for a future we believe in.

It is such a cliche how things you want are always the hardest to obtain or latest to surface for realization in life. Maybe, it is not such a cliche at all, for who would learn to want things granted to them.

I step out of the house for an approximately 1 hour journey to my city workplace.

Work is stressful and workload is increasing but I feel enriched and satisfied knowing that I am gaining the right experience.

I then go for another approximately hour long journey to my second workplace at 4.15 pm.

Work is strainful to the eyes and monotonous but I feel comforted knowing I am earning my own living here.

I work half a day on Saturdays.

Work during weekends is a bummer but I feel glad knowing that I am saving up for the rainy days.

I have been losing weight due to the lack of main meals and exercise.

Losing a few pounds and a slimmer frame were the goals of all my previous unsuccessful diet plans but I feel the need to uphold a healthy lifestyle.

I haven't groomed myself (applying mask, getting a haircut, etc) lately at all.

Grooming is important and necessary in my perspective although time consuming but I am determined to at least put a bit of heart into choosing my outfits and adding colours to my make up.

I have been living on cereal, homemade sandwiches and apples.

The food tastes the same and the presentation is always crumpled but I add creative ingredients like nutella with banana and tuna with baked beans to excite myself.

What I am trying to say is - life is so uncertain, unstable for me right now.

From another perspective - if it is uncertain and unstable, that must mean that it is because I am moving and exploring - not stagnant, not static.

While people always hope for something constant in their lives, do we really need that much constance in our lives?

Instead of that, I only need a few constants in my life who will move along with me through uncertainties - not anchoring me to a web of other constants.

Yes, just that.

Too fast

I have been living life on the fast lane lately.

Every day sees me leaving for my day job at around 11.30 am (now, 10.30 a.m.) and returning home from my night job at 10.45 pm (earliest). My house became something like a hotel.

I have no time and less energy to exercise, to cook, to eat a decent meal, to dress up, to catch up with friends, to take in what is around me.

I gained a sense of achievement and satisfaction from work but there is much more than that, isn't it?

I should start living while appreciating myself more along with the various deemed as important elements such as career and finance.