Be happy

There was this time when I thought life would be smooth sailing, always. I just had to make it pass 50% for exams, stand the occassional (0r frequent, whicever works for you!) nagging from the elders, play nice to friends or frenemies alike, try to catch whatever fashion/technology/social trend is on - and voila! Life would be good.

Was there 'this time' in your life as well?

I strolled through my university years, aced some, scrapped through some, lucked out of some.

I got nagged less and talked more with all the naggers in my family.

I learnt to differentiate friends from frenemies and stand my own ground.

I caught on - fashionably: not trendy but ME; technologically: not blindly but yours truly; socially: dated, learnt and still learning.

So is life good now?

If good = perfect . . .
I guess not so.

I saw ambitions, high expectations, dreams and big money (haha, at least I am honest!) the day I graduated. I sent out resumes and cover letters - an affair I did not expect to recur day after day. The more I sent out - the less I gained. Less confidence, less positive energy, less hope of big money and it reaches infinite: loss of myself.

And with the loss of yourself, foreign particles seep into this empty shell you call body and build a new 'you' with: doubts, anger, frustration, disappointment, hopelessness and depression. It was hard on my family, my friends and more than anyone else, my boyfriend. And as selfish as this may sound, ultimately it was the hardest on me.

I learnt that as much as they help . . . .
Good academic result doesn't equate to good career prospect
Hard work doesn't equate to landing a dream job
Determination doesn't equate to less reject letters

And by the end of the day, I learnt the biggest lesson of all:
Why must I tie everything to my career?

I began to relax and really take life as it comes. And this time, things really started to fall into place. I was merely too ambitious, too impatient, too blind to see what I had around me. I failed to see opportunities around me as I was aiming too high with too little in my portfolio to offer.

Now. In terms of career, I am still at a very fresh start. I still struggle with uncertainty and lack of confidence but I learnt to leave these thoughts before I sleep every night. They waste too much of my sleep time and give me wrinkles.

Enough about career.

I realised that it really is true when people say it is harder to make and keep friends after university. Everyone is too busy with their own lives (just see how much I rambled just about my career up there), and you must agree it is inevitable when you have so much to juggle - the 400+ friends on Facebook and maybe the 100+ status updates everyday which have nothing to do with you but you just have to know?

Are we really that busy now hmmm.

Old friends, I call only when severely depressed or going back to Malaysia/them coming over to Melbourne.

New friends, I promise meetings after meetings which never quite took place.

Family, I dream of seeing again but am never quite so expressive while doing so.

I learnt a lot more about human interaction and communication - and how wrong it can go. Along with this, I began to understand the theory of giving and taking - this foundation of every relationship, no?

When I was young, I always thought my first love would be my husband. Then we would get married upon the establishment of both of our careers and have 2 beautiful children, a girl and a boy. Oh, and all these by the age of 27 (atttt mosstttttt).

I caught on socially (finally) when I started dating during the last year of high school - I thought it was forever. But the experienced would definitely have known that it was not meant to be. But it is not a sad story. We both parted ways not with youth burnt and time lost but with a bit more understanding about our ownself and maturity (to a certain extent, yes).

Biggest lesson learnt:
Love isn't always forever or constant. Love can be transient but still mean a lot.
Love is beautiful.

But what if 'good' = just happy?
Then yes, life is good.

My career is not even at a point where it 'seems' to be taking off.
My friendship network suffered a huge blow and is now still shaky.
My body fat content is rising and I am helpless.
My white puppy has just jumped from his biting phase to his barking phase.
My boyfriend and I are still finding our way around almost everything.

But I am happy. I know cause it is inside, right here :-)

There is so much more than just a single failure or disappointment being the determinant of your happiness. Life is much more complicated than a simple algebra like that, you don't know meh?