Thursday, October 25, 2007

What I have

A lot of times the most important things are the:

- least defined
- most abstract
- easiest and fastest to lose
- most fragile

But you know these things are important still as they:

- make pain linger long
- bring gloominess
- induce helplessness
- sets a rock in your heart

Yes, most often than not, we lose these important somethings despite knowing that it is on the brink of gone forever. Why? Selfishness. Pride. Stubbornnes. Belief. Denial. Principles. Doubts. Cruelty. Impulse. Laziness. Ignorance.

I can't deny not having lost anything importnat due to a few of those there. Afterall, people have commented me on being stubborn at times. For standing by my own beliefs too much. But there are some others who labelled me a pushover. For always being unofficially and assumingly nominated for all sorts of tasks.

From an optimistic view, it is good as it shows that I am responsible enough to be relied on.
And now I shall build my personality upon this optimistic view instead of looking at this from another perspective.

Somehow, in this instance, nothing matters anymore. For this transient moment now, as I write all of these here, I feel like I have ejected everything out from my body. All negativities. What remains, is purely me and tranquility. As I allow myself to feel empty now, I feel at peace.

Everyone struggles in life. It is as if we are beating off a persistent lethal bug as we live through the days. And in these busy days, where time is hardly enough for each of us to fend for ourselves, happiness are always too transient to be enjoyed and these transient moments often too weak as an energy for the coming days. And then, we realize how we often turn to memories in hopes of scraping out a tiny piece or two of happy moments.

While it is a shame that happy moments never last long, I wonder if these moments will be as treasured if they were to persist. After all, as humans, we are infamous for wasting away precious things granted to us. Maybe that is why, we are never allowed to be too happy for too long. A blessing in disguise, I see it as.

Rite now, after a series of unfortunate events, as I sit in this quiet room, I wonder what connects me to the people around me. How strong it is. To who. Where it will lead me. And most importantly, what will become of me shall these ties be cut.

Does it mean I will become a nobody? If I am to have no one who knows me in this world, i wonder if having a name matters.

I realize, the bonds between humans are too remarkable for words. First of all, distance. While distant bonds can fade over time, there are some which grow from strength to strength. The faded ones are always regretted but in the end, it doesn't heal if no efforts were made from both parties. However, bonds with people near to you are not exactly strong. Convenience is a nasty element. With it, you take things for granted, including this bond, which shall all disappear just before your eyes, sooner or later.

Secondly, commitment. Commitment builds bonds, like how sunlight allows flowers to bloom. Without commitment, everything wilts. These are jut two of the factors which I think are the most important towards human bonds be it, within a family, among friends, between lovers. We just grew too busy to bother about these so important stuffs, somehow.

And for other more worldly matters, we shall continue neglecting them.

For now, I am a bit gloomy. But I made it clear to enjoy all moments in life, and so I shall try liviing up to it. Sometimes, one cannot do too much when things are already out of his or her own control. Hold onto your own beliefs and follow your heart. Outdated, but true to life all the while.

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